We are having a quiet day at home this Thanksgiving. We had planned to go to DH’s grandma’s house today but Levi threw up this morning so we stayed home in case we are contagious. He’s been fine the rest of the day, playing and eating. As sad as we were to miss the party, we have just been trying to enjoy the day. I made egg and ham muffins and we watched a movie. DH and the boys pretended to be Kungfu Panda (LOL) and now DH is out hunting squirrel while the boys nap. And I’m soaking up baby snuggles!
I had a light bulb moment around 4am this morning when I woke up to feed Zane. I was due to have him on November 19th. For some reason, that date never rang any bells in my mind until it hit me this morning….That was the date of our first egg retrieval, 5 years ago!! Our first embryo transfer was Thanksgiving Day, the 22nd of 2012. Our hearts were broken when that cycle failed. After 4.5 years of TTC, I felt like it was hopeless. Like I was broken and could never have the life I wanted. I could never have imagined that we would be blessed with 3 little boys over the course of the next 5 years. When I spent that Thanksgiving laying on the couch after the ET, I never imagined that I would spend Thanksgiving at home on the couch snuggling my third newborn just 5 short years later. God has blessed us and brought beauty from our pain. I know that each of these gifts is solely His doing. I am thankful for that today and give Him all the glory.
No matter where you are or what you are doing today, I hope your day will be blessed. I hope your life will be blessed in exactly the way God chooses to bless you. 💕
I’m going to post this without pictures for now because I haven’t uploaded them yet and don’t have time right now, but I’ll try to post them soon.
*This is the TMI version of the birth. Blood, amniotic fluid and all. If that disturbs you, I’d recommend skipping this post.*
*Birth is usually a beautiful event. It is also a painful and sometimes dramatic event. This birth was mostly calm, but I don’t sugar-coat the pain. Just know that it was all 100% worth it and I wouldn’t change a thing because this is the way that my baby came into my arms and I am so thankful and blessed to have him here.*
I have a few spare minutes so I thought I’d try to get the birth story written down. It’s already getting very fuzzy on timelines and details but that’s ok. It was an absolutely beautiful birth. Horribly intense but very short labor. 38 weeks 5 days, the day before I was going to be induced, I spent the day at home with the boys just spending time together, cleaning up the house and getting the last items thrown in the hospital bags. We skipped nap time in favor of an early bedtime. The boys were in bed by 8pm and DH and I went to bed a little before 9. Of course, despite taking Unisom and a natural sleep supplement my sister L gave me, I didn’t fall asleep until after 11 and sleep was very fitful after that. I had to be up at 2:40am to get ready to leave for the hospital, but I woke up a little after 2 with pain in my leg and nervousness running crazy, so I got up around 2:20 and got a shower, curled my hair and had breakfast. We left the house a bit after 3:30 and got to the hospital at about 5am.
Once we got admitted to our room, the nurse hooked me and baby up to the monitor, asked 20 million questions and tried to start an IV. She couldn’t get it after 2 tries, so she had another nurse come in and get it started. That whole IV process took over half an hour! At that point, she flushed an entire bag of fluid through me and started the pitocin at 2 at about 7am or a little after. She checked me to get a starting point and I was 3cm, 60% effaced and baby was -2 station.
The contractions started soon after but were very mild, very short and not too frequent. (registering around 50 on the toco monitor)The next set of nurses came on shift right after that. One was in training and had only been there a few days and the other was so young, she couldn’t have been there long herself. They came in every half hour to increase the Pitocin by 2 and check my blood pressure. At 8:59am, I texted my mom to tell her that the contractions were getting stronger. At 9:04, I told her they were close. The Dr come in right after that to talk about breaking my water. I told her I didn’t want to yet and she asked when I would want her to. I told her, maybe in 4 hours. She said that was ok, but a long time and maybe 2 hours would be better and she would come back to check later. I asked her how high we were going to go on the Pitocin since I was VBAC and she said that they don’t usually induce VBACs so she couldn’t answer that. Then she left. At that point I had cycled through laboring in the bed, in the rocking chair and was now on the birth ball.
By the time they had bumped me to 6 on the pitocin, I told the nurse that I wouldn’t be able to stand much more. My contractions were over 124+ on the toco and happening very frequently. (From my labor with Levi, I knew that the pitocin on 3 was already too much for my body and they had to turn it off. Pathetic I know, but my uterus responds very very strong to just a tiny tiny bit.) I texted my mom at 9:25 that the contractions were much worse and very close, then at 9:33 I told her she should leave the house to come to the hospital soon! (They have a 1.5+ hour drive too) The nurse bumped the Pitocin to an 8 and I knew I couldn’t go any higher. The pressure and pain were horrendous by that point and I asked them to turn it down. I was trying to labor kneeling over the bed, and later standing while leaning on the bed. They kept saying that we wanted this kind of contractions and it was good, but from having been in labor before, I knew this was wayyy too intense for my body. Labor with Levi was very manageable. I could walk around and stop to squat with the contractions. I could breathe through them (until transition) but with these, I couldn’t bear it. I was breaking down crying and moaning very loudly and no matter how hard I tried to relax into the contraction and breathe through it, I couldn’t. They were coming very fast and the pain was completely localized on my c-section scar and intense downward pressure. Finally the nurses asked the Dr what to do and came back to the room to flush another bag of IV fluid through me and turn the Pitocin down to 4. Which helped space the contractions just a bit, and dimmed the pain enough that I stopped hyperventilating. My face and then my legs had gone numb from not being able to slow my breathing down, and my vision was getting weird, which was exactly what happened in my labor with Levi during transition. I kept saying “I’d think I was in transistion if it wasn’t so soon.” And the nurses and DH kept telling me that I probably was and that I should let the Dr come check me. I decided to try getting in the shower first because I couldn’t handle hearing that I hadn’t made any progress yet.
I got in the shower to sit on the seat for about 5 minutes, if that. It felt amazing and calmed me down, but the Dr came in the room again and asked if I wanted her to check me now or in 2 hours. I decided to do it now, even though I hated to get out of the shower, because I couldn’t imagine 2 more hours of this kind of labor. I had asked her at my first check, when I should get the epidural line placed and she said I didn’t have to. But at this point, hearing me while I was working through the pain and having 3 more contractions just getting out of the shower, she said I should go ahead and get it placed. I’m not sure if she became concerned because of the pain I was having or what, but all the pain was still localized to the scar area and downward pressure. She had talked earlier about putting a pressure monitor in my uterus to make sure I wasn’t rupturing, (never knew any such thing existed!) but said my water would have to be broken first. I didn’t have any scar pain with Levi, so that was new! Anyway, the Dr checked me and said I was 8cm, then she left the room with no other comment. I thought that was weird since I knew she wanted to break my water soon, but she was very respectful of what I wanted and I appreciated that she wasn’t pushy at all. It was just so completely different from my experience with the Dr who delivered Levi. Night and day.
So, the anesthesiologist showed up right away (DH took a call from my mom right about then at 10:47am) and I was thrilled to see him! All through my pregnancy, I had been on the fence about getting the epidural dosed this time but I had decided I would go with whatever felt right at the time. I asked him what my options were for pain if I still wanted to get out of bed. (I had been to the bathroom about 800 times at that point and didn’t want to be stuck in bed or have a catheter.) He suggested a dose of fentanyl through the epidural line and said that would probably hold me over till the birth since the birth would be soon. I thought that was a great option! What I didn’t know was that it would make me itch all over and feel very warm, but it was worth it! He also gave me a shot of pepcid which was supposed to help the itching. I felt so much relief from the fentanyl! I was able to lay down in bed and rest my body. I had been shaking really badly through the pain and I finally calmed down and could breathe. At that point, my MIL, FIL, SIL and niece arrived. I was calm and able to talk to DH and my SIL between contractions for a little bit while everyone else waited in the waiting room. Then the contractions started hurting like crazy again and I was back in the dire pain situation again. I’m not sure how much time had passed. Maybe an hour? I could feel a warm sensation with each contraction. It felt like the water was flowing out of my body, but it hadn’t broken yet. I think that was the water bag bulging….
My parents arrived and I continued to work through the pain and contractions. My Dad stood by the bed looking quite helpless. I halfway felt bad for him and halfway found it quite humorous. He eventually left to go sit with my FIL. When I went to use the bathroom, there was quite a lot of blood and I got scared but the nurse said it was normal. After a little while, I was clinging to the bed rail, half sitting during the contractions, crying and starting to freak out again. The nurse checked me and said I was 10cm and my water bag was bulging. She said if we could break the water, baby would come fast. I was so scared to get my water broke, mostly because I didn’t know how I could cope with any more pain, but I agreed to let the Dr come break my water. My mom, DH and the nurses were all telling me to just let the Dr do it so we could get the pain and delivery over with. Right after the nurse left the room, I felt two pops around my belly button. A couple of seconds passed and then water started gushing out. It wasn’t nearly as much water as I’d had with Levi, but it was much less painful to have it break on its own rather than having a Dr digging in there with the hook. I was so relieved that the Dr didn’t have to break it. At this point, the contractions were so incredibly intense with pressure, but I still didn’t have the urge to push. DH went to get the nurse and she came back in the room a few minutes later. I don’t think she was at all convinced my water had gone but she called for the Dr. I told the nurse I wanted the pitocin off because I was contracting so fast and hard. She wouldn’t turn it off and I was like “I am obviously having the baby now. My labor isn’t going to stop.” But anyway, when she left the room, I turned the drip off. I know I shouldn’t have, but it seemed so stupid to have it still running and causing me so much extra intense pain.
At that point, a few minutes before 1pm, I told the nurse that I wanted another dose of fentanyl. The anesthesiologist said that wasn’t allowed so I asked for a small dose of the epidural. Everyone was all “You don’t need it! You’ll be having the baby in a few minutes!” But I insisted that I did want it. I had pretty much made up my mind that I wanted something to take the edge off during pushing and in case I ended up with a million stitches again. So, the anesthesiologist came in again and I explained that I wanted only the very smallest amount of medicine possible. I wanted to be able to move my legs and change positions and push in whatever position felt right. Not to be numb entirely or unable to move my legs. He said he had just the thing and gave me a shot through the line. He said to lay on my back for 7-10 minutes to let the medicine work. I couldn’t though. I had to sit up. I couldn’t handle even one contraction laying down.
The Dr arrived right after that and checked me. She told me to start pushing. I had been sobbing and saying “I don’t want to push!” over and over. I feel kind of silly looking back now. 😉 But I realized later that the reason I didn’t want to push was because I was so worried I would hemorrhage again. That and I was afraid I would tear. Anyway, I still didn’t have the urge to push, just the incredible intense pressure I had felt all day. That and the horrible pain in my incision which was overriding every other sensation in my body. But the Dr just started counting, so I pushed. 3 pushes and his head was right there. I think I pushed through 4 contractions, 2 or 3 pushes each time. Once his head was halfway out, she said to stop and let my body stretch so I wouldn’t tear (with Levi I wasn’t told to stop and that probably caused a lot of the tearing). She said he would come out on his own with the next contraction. I impulsively reached down and felt Zane’s head. It was so warm and soft. I couldn’t wait to get him out! Once I had another contraction, out he popped at 1:09pm, with his right hand up by his face just like it always was in my ultrasounds. I think I pushed about 6 minutes. The nurse had covered my belly with a towel and I kept pushing it away and she kept moving it back. I was getting so annoyed! I wanted the baby right on me. His cord was very short so he couldn’t go on my chest until DH cut it about a minute after birth. (I wanted to wait longer but the Dr said they will only wait 1 minute – oh well) FINALLY, they moved Zane up onto my chest and it was such an incredible feeling. He cried, I cried…. 🙂
The placenta was out a minute or 2 later with no issues. The Dr said I had a tiny tear (Yep! I felt that happening!) and needed 2 stitches. Thankfully, the epidural had worked its way to where I needed it and the stitching wasn’t painful. During the pushing, I had sensation but not so much burning as I had with Levi. I’m not sure if that was due to the epidural starting to take effect or if it was just an easier birth. Either way, I was very happy with how everything went. I wouldn’t change a thing!! I lost very little blood and was up and walking to the bathroom less than 2 hours later. I felt amazing! Not like I had just had a baby. I have had seriously almost no soreness down there at all. I can’t believe the difference in healing this time. I am so thankful for how God worked everything out!! I know DH was praying all through the labor and so was I. I had my mom, MIL, SIL, and sisters S and M and of course, DH there during the birth and it was perfect. I had been on the fence about having so many people in the room again, but I don’t regret it at all. I know they were all praying for us and it just felt cozy and happy. I am also so happy that I got the Dr that I had that day. When I had a prenatal check up with her, I had told DH that I would be happy with her at the birth and she really was great. 🙂 And honestly, even though we had young and very fresh nurses, they did a great job and I am happy that they got to see us all the way through the labor and birth.
So, all told, I had 6 hours of labor, but only 3.5 hours of hard labor. If I had went into labor at home and waited to see if it was the real thing and called my sister to come watch the kids and had DH come home from work and then drove over 1.5 hours to the hospital – we likely would have either barely made it in time, or had the baby in the car. Of course, it’s possible that labor would have been slower without pitocin, but who knows how much more I might have dilated before labor started. I think it was a good call to induce and I don’t regret it even though I thought I might. And I am happy Zane was born without any distress aside from a few minor dips in heartrate during the labor. Just so thankful he was born safe and happy. 🙂
We stayed in the hospital for 2 days. We were going to go home the next day but Zane’s bilirubin came back at 5.1, so we opted to stay at the pediatrician’s request because of how bad Levi’s jaundice had gotten. They wanted to watch him another night just in case. The next day it was 7.8 but my milk was coming in at that point and he was out of the danger zone. 🙂 It was nice to have another day in the hospital, mostly because Zane had come so fast that he choked on the mucus all night that hadn’t been squeezed through his lungs. I felt better having the nurses nearby because I ended up buzzing them once when I couldn’t get the mucus suctioned out and I started to get scared. Obviously, he was fine. Also, he was so sore after the circumcision that I was glad he had a day to heal before coming home and being passed around and held by his big brothers. We missed Tru and Levi so much and they missed us too and ended up crying on the second night but we talked to them on the phone and they were alright. 🙂 Little Zane is 1 week old today!! He is such a calm and happy baby. He has woken up about 2 times a night, every night since he was born. Hoping that he keeps doing so well. I am so thankful for my Third Gracious Gift of God. 🙂
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11-11-17
8lbs 2.5oz
20.5″
We are both doing great! Working on getting this breastfeeding thing down. 😉 Hopefully birth story will follow shortly while it’s still fresh in my mind. It was fast and furious, but it went beautifully. 🙂
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How far along? 37 weeks 6 days (11-4-17)
Weight? +40
Symptoms? I always forget to write down the weird symptoms that I have… and then I don’t remember them.
- For one thing, my skin on my face has been really bad almost the whole pregnancy. I have eczema on my chin and forehead and bridge of my nose. I’ve had to use hydrocortisone on it at times to control the flaking. I really hope this clears up after the baby comes! But I am prone to rashy outbreaks at the best of times anyway due to having super sensitive skin.
- I’ve also been extremely hot throughout this pregnancy. Always sweating and panicking about how hot it is! I’m driving DH nuts turning the ac on and keeping the heat really low. I argue that he can put on more clothes if he’s hot but as it is, I’m already sitting around the house in my bra and capris, sweating like a pig!
- This isn’t really a symptom but, I finally have a linea nigra line! I had one with both of my past pregnancies but I didn’t know if I would get one this time because it only started showing up over the last few weeks. I don’t know why this makes me so happy to have it, but for some reason, it does. DH thinks I am crazy!
- I had a terrible flare of the SPD pain and pain in my left thigh in the groin area last week and this week. (I shampooed the living room and master bedroom – stupid idea. I did it at 6 months and was fine, but 9 months is a bit different!) I went to the chiropractor to see if my pelvis was out and maybe that was causing the pain to be worse. It was out a little in the back but I guess there isn’t much they can do about the snapping and pain in the front. So, getting out of bed in the night has been a struggle. Once I’m up and moving, I’m fine. It’s totally manageable pain during the day. But rolling over at night is very very hard and painful and the grinding and popping in the joint is also gross.
- I still have times of lightheadedness and queasiness but for the most part I am fine. If I skip taking my magnesium, I get charlie horse cramps in my legs and heart palpitations. That magnesium really helps!
Cravings/aversions? Nothing really either way. 🙂
Exercise? I actually did 2 days on the elliptical this week and once last week. I cut my time back the last 2 times though. But last week I was kicking myself for being so slack the last few weeks because it felt amazing to get that exercise in!
Sleep? Still mostly good. I wake up soaked in sweat a lot even though I haven’t hardly been using a blanket in months and I keep the heat/ac on 68 at night. I’m happy that sleep has been solid these last few weeks. I sure need it! Most days I could nod off for a nap if I let myself but I usually try to do other things so I can feel productive.
Bump? Well, last week I was sent for a bpp+growth scan at the dr’s clinic when Zane failed his nst (heartrate 120 and below – no accelerations – 1 movement) and the tech said he weighed 6lbs 10oz. I do not think that is AT ALL accurate though. I think he is probably close to 8lbs by now. I had another bpp this week (at the hospital’s center – my preference) and that tech and I talked about the issues I have with the clinic doing my ultrasounds. (I mentioned this before on here when I had my crap anatomy scan and asked the Dr for a do-over at the center.) Anyway, last week all the tech did was measure his fluid, leg, belly and head. AND, she only guestimated on his head measurement because she didn’t try to get the whole top in the shot. No check of his heartrate, brain, kidneys etc and no check that I saw for practice breathing which is standard on a bpp. Which was disconcerting since we were there because of a failed nst. The ultrasound was all of 3 minutes, maybe, which is very short for either a bpp OR growth scan, let alone both. I left not feeling too reassured. So the tech at the center was saying “Yeah, their reports are sent to the same system as ours and I can see them. I am surprised they get away with billing insurance for what they do. They barely look at the baby!” I felt very validated in my concerns when she said that. I told her how my anatomy scan was only a few minutes long and no internal organs were measured etc. I guess the clinic is bad for this as a habit. 
Anyway… all that to say, bump is big and getting bigger while also being extremely itchy and covered in welts from the allergic reaction to the benzyl alcohol in the Heparin. BUT, I love it. I am ready to get this kid out but I do love the belly, even though it gets in my way. 😉 OH!! I have been waking up and putting my hand on the baby’s back in the morning and I can feel his practice breathing through my belly. It’s crazy!! He usually does it for a few minutes and then stops for a bit. It’s so cool. I wish I could film it because you can just barely see his back gently rising and falling quickly. I was finally able to show my sister L and DH also saw it one night. Amazing!
Alright… I had posted a few days ago about not knowing what the plan was for birth i.e. induction, c section or waiting it out since my Dr changed her mind or something. I took the post down though after a few hours because it was so negative and ranty. I had an appointment this week and the Dr I met with was able to come to a quick and easy solution. I had been praying that my talk with her would go well and that God’s will would be done. I am so happy that it went well and that I didn’t need to pull all the case studies out of my purse that I had printed off. It’s not that I don’t respect what the Drs are saying regarding inducing a VBAC, but their philosophies on the subject are very outdated. New guidelines from the American College Of Gynocologists are much more friendly toward inducing of VBAC patients when there are indications for getting baby out in a more timely manner. The risk of rupture when induced prior to 40 weeks IS slightly higher than spontanious labor, but only very very slightly. Inducing a VBAC after 40 weeks though is an even higher chance. Hence my desire to induce at 39, coupled with the fact that I don’t see Zane being happy in there much longer and my hope to avoid an emergency c section for baby in distress. The Dr I saw last week had said she would have me wait till 40 weeks and if no labor started, we would do a repeat c section without trying to induce first… you can see my predicament. Anything could happen still… obviously, but that is just part of life and it’s all in God’s hands.
This Dr was surprised that my previous Drs had induced a VBAC but I told her the way it went and how it was done and she felt comfortable with me coming in and them breaking my water and using a small dose of pitocin. (My dose was 3 last time for 1.5 hours, then they turned it off) So, that is the plan. And now I am super nervous!! I did ask her to sweep the membranes and she did. I had contractions for a few hours every 5-10ish minutes but eventually they faded away at bedtime. But I think (TMI) I lost part of the plug this morning, so that’s good. Still hoping something gets started this coming week and we can just have this baby out naturally. As happy as I am to have an end date nailed down, I truly do not relish the thought of being induced, but I see it as the lesser of two evils basically and definitely prefer it to waiting and then having a c section, or, worse yet, pushing Zane to stay in there longer than he is happy with.
The Dr said I am 2/more like 3cm, 50% effaced and baby is 0 station. The cervix is midway forward and very soft. She said we can’t use the foley bulb because I’m too dilated to need it, which is good. But she *thinks* labor will be very easy to start and fast once it’s going. I only hope she is right!! She repeatedly told me to head straight to the hospital with any contractions or breaking of water since I am 1.5+ hours away. I told her I would and that I hope she is right about this baby coming fast, although not in the car please. 😉
So, that’s it. That’s the update and the *plan*. It could still go either way but I feel a lot better knowing that we have something in place. And that I can stop the Heparin soon. 😉 I have felt very little sentimentality during this pregnancy, but now that we have an end date, I am feeling all kinds of sentimental. Planning to spend the rest of this week just soaking up time with the boys, getting the last few things done (I have a few more freezer meals made!!) and relaxing/sleeping. 😉 I think I’ll enjoy just taking naps all week when I can. I’ll admit, I am super nervous about labor/birth no matter how/when it happens. But I know that just like God created this baby inside me in His power and love, He will also bring us through this last bit. It will hurt, yes. But I am ready to meet this sweet baby boy. 🙂 I showed the boys on the calendar when we are supposed to “get the baby out”, as they say, and they are very excited and super ready to meet him! They have even talked to him in there, telling him to get out. Haha. I am so excited for them to meet eachother. 🙂
I know this was long but thanks for sticking with me to the end. These updates are really more for my personal journal than anything but I’m flattered that anyone actually takes the time to read them and post comments. I have grown to look forward to chatting with my readers over the years and it means a lot to know that you care. 🙂
Dear God, thank You for a good week and for Your blessings and guidance. I pray that Your will be done concerning the how and when of the birth. Please watch over all of us as we come to the end of this pregnancy. Watch over Zane and keep him safe and healthy. Thank You for how good this experience has been and for how excited the boys are about their baby brother. In Jesus’ name, amen.
These 3 pictures are at 37 weeks 2 days with each of the boys. I am SOOOOO jealous of my first pregnancy self right now. That extra 15ish pounds this time around is super obvious.
With Truett just 2 hours before delivery.
With Levi
With Zane.
My SIL and BIL brought this over yesterday along with an adorable outfit for the little guy. 🙂
The ultrasound tech wanted me to be able to show Tru and Levi what the baby looks like in there so she very sweetly gave me 3 – 3D pics to take home to them. He looks like a chubby little guy!
Journey For My Baby 