Written 12-18-22. Updated 2-2-23. This pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 9 weeks.

Tomorrow is 5 weeks, Lord willing, so just a quick recap.

On 13dpo I had my hcg and progesterone levels drawn so I could start care with my Dr. The beta came back at 103, which is good. The progesterone actually never resulted due to insufficient sample, or something. On 16dpo I had the second draw with beta of 366 and progesterone 20.4. The Dr was satisfied with these results, so he had me schedule for Jan 3rd at 7+1 for ultrasound. I’m on my shots and progesterone supplements, 200mg am and 400mg pm.

My main symptoms this week have been extreme thirst/cotton mouth. Waking up to pee several times a night and guzzle more water because my throat is so insanely dry. Also my nose is stuffy and throat is irriated in the mornings. Restless legs/feet is already starting also. I’ve had days with very little queasiness and days with periods of motion sick feeling. Metallic taste in my mouth. Heartburn. I’ve still been able to drink coffee but this morning I couldn’t finish it. Cramps off and on. Suddenly covered in acne, ew. Absolutely freezing cold and cannot get warm. Usually I’m always hot and we keep the temp in our house 67°, but right now I’m bundled in 2 layers of socks and my heavy bathrobe most of every day.

So, my starting weight is 160-164, depending on the day. I’m watching my carbs and sugar intake like crazy because this is 12+lbs above my starting weight with Destin and I haven’t been watching my weight well because of breastfeeding and not wanting to tank my milk by losing weight, which I’ve done before, sadly. Destin weaned himself in Oct though. So it’s all good but I do need to watch my weight gain.

We are really busy getting ready for Christmas, which I’m thankful for. Hopefully time passes without stress before the ultrasound. I’m trying not to think too much about everything. My main priority is getting through Christmas without anyone finding out. My mom saw my bruises the other day and asked if I was on my shots and pregnant. I just told her we’ll see! I mean, she could tell I was by my answer but also that I didn’t want to talk about it yet. So she didn’t ask me anything else, which was probably hard for her. I just feel incredibly scared to talk about it, so I haven’t told anyone at all, except Matt and the Dr, of course. It feels so delicate and fragile that I just can’t even think about telling anyone yet. I don’t even know when I will want to. After a couple good ultrasounds, Lord willing? I don’t know. Obviously my stretched out belly can’t hide a baby for long, especially from the boys. I’m also worried about having another sch. I’ve had increasingly more severe sch with each of the last 3 kids, so I’m definitely worried about that happening.

I ordered a new doppler this week. My sister is borrowing mine and I don’t want to ask for it back while she’s using it, so I figured I’d just get a new one.

Dear God, thank You for this special baby and the life You’ve given it. Please protect and sustain it’s life according to Your will. Please help us to get safely and happily to a healthy full term birth. In Jesus’ name, amen.