Archives for posts with tag: motherhood

How far along? 31 weeks 5 days (9-22-17) Yes, I missed my 30 week update. Last week was crazy! I’ll try to do a little recap below.

 
Symptoms? Queasy, breathless, some swelling that comes and goes. Restless legs and the occasional grab of round ligament pain. Pain in the front of my pelvis…. I know there are a few other things but I’m drawing a blank right now….. I guess I still feel pretty good. 🙂

 
Weight? I forgot to weigh myself today. I think about +33-34ish. It’s hard to tell with the swelling. I was +31 and then dropped to +29, then up to +34 overnight and have been bouncing up and down. All I know is, I am definitely feeling the extra pounds!

 
Sleep? Not so good. For some reason, Zane will oftentimes push his feet out really hard if I try to lay on my right side. (I looked back on my updates with Levi and he didn’t like me laying on my left side.) It’s almost like he isn’t comfortable that way. So I have been sleeping mostly on my left but waking up on my back a lot.

 
Exercise? I got in 2 days last week but only 1 this week. It’s getting harder to motivate myself to exercise instead of taking advantage of the boys’ naptime to catch up on some rest myself!

 
Cravings/aversions? I am definitely feeling more aversions to foods. I am not able to eat as much at a time (FINALLY!!!!!) and lots of stuff just doesn’t sound as good. I am totally ok with that as I feel it is a good thing at this stage of pregnancy (and weight gain). 😉

 
Bump? Oh boy! I feel like it stayed modestly sized for quite awhile after the initial bump poppage happened. But now it is definitely feeling larger and heavier and much lower! Next week is the start of our weekly (for now) NSTs. The Dr asked me at my appointment last week if I wanted to do them once a week or twice. I told her, let’s start with once and if my anxiety gets the best of me or if anything comes up, we’ll go to twice a week. She was happy with that plan. 🙂 I also asked her if she is comfortable with me going to my due date and she said no, she wants to induce by 39 weeks. I was/am hoping to avoid induction (and definitely hoping we can safely birth baby without a C-section) and I know my Dr would much prefer I go into labor on my own as well. So here’s hoping that labor starts on it’s own before the induction date if baby is ready and happy to come out.

 

 

Ok, so last week was so busy and I’m already forgetting the majority of how it went…. Sunday: Went to church, stopped at the store so I could buy some glue on nails (to match the dress I bought for maternity pictures), picked up a pizza for lunch and drove to the park for our family/maternity pictures. After that was done, we went to my parent’s house (my mom had been overseas on a trip for almost 3 weeks at that point) and I helped Dad get stuff cleaned up. He had been working on the brakes on our truck since they had went out on me a few weeks prior, so we took our truck home.
Monday: I sat around the house all day worrying about the baby because he hadn’t moved much. I debated whether I should go get checked out and finally by 7pm or so, I decided to go to triage for peace of mind. DH stayed home with the boys, which was good because I didn’t get home till midnight. Baby was fine, obviously, but they did comment on his heart arrhythmia which was very pronounced that day. The Dr said to follow up with them about it. They also checked his fluid which was good at 12.1cm.
Tuesday: Up bright and early for my check up and growth ultrasound. My brother went with me to watch the kids because I didn’t have anyone who could babysit. The ultrasound measured baby’s fluid around 13cm. Zane weighed approx 3lbs 14oz. I was shocked that he is that big already but the tech said that was *only* the 61st percentile and wasn’t too big. They watched his heart for a long time because of the arrhythmia. Unfortunately, the Dr didn’t have the ultrasound report before I had my visit with her, so I don’t know if everything looked good or not. I’m hoping that it is all well. I mentioned that the soles of my feet have been itchy so she sent me for labs and they came back good. 🙂
Wednesday: I took the kids to story time in the morning and we hung out at home the rest of the day. In the evening, I was just getting ready to start supper when DH called on his way home. That’s rather unusual so I knew immediately something must be wrong. He did, in fact, go off the road into a ditch. The roads were wet because it had been raining all day. He did a 360 through a soybean field and took out a road sign. Thank the Lord, he was not hurt at all! He missed a power line pole by just a few feet. That could have been significantly worse! His back was a little sore but that was it. His car looks worse for wear with the passenger door smashed and the mirror missing, but aside from ripping the brake lines out, it is fine. He managed to get it out of the ditch and into a very sweet family’s driveway. The man helped him fix the brakes so he could drive home. We were so thankful for his help and for God keeping DH safe. 🙂
Thursday and Friday: Are totally coming up blank in my memory… Oh dear…. OH! I remember now… I cleaned for 6 hours straight on Friday. I went into full-on nesting mode and everything that seemed *gross* had to be cleaned. (Note: Everything seemed gross.) DH got sucked into my cleaning frenzy and we didn’t eat supper until super late. But the house was clean(er) and I was happy(er)…..Until the next day when I woke up so sore I could hardly function and had to take Tylenol just to move. Which wasn’t good because…
Saturday: The big walk/fundraiser for our local pregnancy center. They provide so much incredible help and resources to the moms, dads and babies/young children in our area. I didn’t know how I would make it for the whole walk, but I did! DH played music at the event also. Afterwards we went home and relieved my MIL from babysitting and I laid down for a short but extremely needed nap. Then we went to DH’s cousin’s wedding. I was wiped out at the end of that day!

 

 

Shew! That was longer than I realized. This week was less crazy but still a little busy. My sister came and stayed a couple days with us and babysat Levi while I took Tru to his follow up with the Pediatrician. He gained a half pound and hasn’t had an unexplained fever or belly pain in awhile, so we are supposed to go back in December to check in. 🙂 The church had prayed over Tru a fever weeks ago and he has been doing great. We very much want to continue on with him feeling better!! The Dr just said to keep him on stool softener for now. He is back on moderate amounts of dairy and not taking Prevacid. 🙂
We did a little shopping after the appointment since it was just me and Tru. I plan to have a one-on-one day with each of the boys in the next week or so. They desperately need to have my full attention for a day! I can’t believe how mature Tru is lately. Like today, we were going to a little street fair type of thing and he asked me if there would be rides there and if so, would that make his hat blow off. I was surprised that he thought ahead like that! He moved to a big boy bed last night and was so excited about it! He was asking to go to bed a full hour+ before bedtime. Awhile later he decided he didn’t like it and was scared, so I went and snuggled him for a bit. He still couldn’t sleep so I promised him we would go buy a nightlight for his room today. I arranged all his 500(ish) stuffed animals around his feet like he likes to have them and he finally fell asleep. He woke up this morning and announced he likes his new bed and wants to sleep in it tonight! Levi asked him “Why?” (of course!) and Tru said “All my animals are waiting for me.” SO CUTE!!! We went and bought him and Levi both a nightlight for their rooms and they were even excited to take naps. Score!! 🙂 The plan was to get Levi moved to the crib-converted-to-toddler-bed tonight, but I didn’t get it done yet. Maybe tomorrow.

 

Ok, this is getting too long.

 

Dear God, thank You for your protection and provision for us these last two weeks. Thank You for keeping DH safe. Please continue to watch over and protect each and every one of us. In Jesus’ name, amen.

 

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I wrote this a few days ago thinking I’d post it once I took the weekly picture, but this weekend was too busy and we didn’t get to take it, so this post is photo-free.
How far along? 13 weeks 5 days (5-19-17) Second Trimester! YAY! 

Symptoms? 

  • A little bit of swelling in my feet at the end of the day. Nothing major. 
  • Lightheaded when standing sometimes. My OB said to try eating more foods with sodium and to drink more water and to try gatoraid. I’ve had this in all my pregnancies. I’ll get really lightheaded and nauseous and if I don’t sit down, I will black out. It seems to get better as the pregnancy progresses usually. Today I ended up folded over the checkout counter waiting for the cashier to finish my order. 
  • I only took Zofran twice this week! The rest of the time I’ve felt pretty normal. 
  • Even my acne is starting to clear up! True second-trimester blessings. 🙂 
  • I have most of my energy back and I feel pretty close to my normal self most of the time. 
  • I dropped down to just 1 Prometrium at bedtime this week and I plan to be done when my bottle runs out. 🙂 Might as well finish it up. 

Weight? +7 lbs. 

Bump? I’ve thought that maybe there was a flutter or two this week but I can’t say for sure. I do know that my uterus is only an inch or two under my belly button now but I mostly still find the baby really low on the doppler but I hear it’s kicks higher up. Maybe it’s head down? 

Cravings/aversions? Nothing really either way. I’ve had a few iced frappes this week and they were goooood! The thought of hot coffee still grosses me out but me and cold coffee are friends again. 🙂 

RANT TIME: So, I had a check-up with my OB this week and it went well. TMI: I told her about some weird discharge I was having and she did an internal and a swab. Seems this may be normal this time around even though I never had this with the boys. She said because of a prior “natural” birth. Anyway, she said she read the entire report from my birth with Levi and you won’t believe this…. The Dr who delivered him and wrote up the report said that the reason I hemorrhaged was my “uterus was tired and stopped contracting”. WHAT?????? There was 7 of my family members in the room. My mom, DH, MIL, SIL, 2 of my sisters and myself. We ALLLLLL know I had retained placenta.  TALK ABOUT COVERING YOUR BUTT WITH A LIE THE SIZE OF TEXAS!! That Dr knew she should have stopped pulling on the cord when I told her to please stop and she knew she tore my placenta. To blame it on my lazy, “tired uterus” and apparently not mention the placenta at all, is just…. wow! 
So, I sat there in shock when my new OB told me the report said this and that she would give me medicine to prevent a hemorrhage this time, and I didn’t even stand up for myself and tell her that was a big fat lie in the report. I just couldn’t form the words at that time. Not like she would believe me over the report written by an MFM…. Like she would even think I knew what I was talking about. But I do know. I’m the one who had 2 Drs scraping my insides with their hands trying to fish out bits of placenta. I’m the one who lost so much blood I couldn’t hold my eyes open. I know. And my family knows. DH and my mom were both upset that I didn’t tell her “NO! That is not what happened.” I just couldn’t and I didn’t and I wish I had. Not like it would do any good though… I’m just letting it go for now but if the opportunity arises, I will say something.

As an aside though, I’d rather just forgive that Dr and pray for her and move on. Harboring anger would only put a cloud over what was otherwise, a beautiful experience, getting to meet my little Levi. Could it have gone better? Almost definitely, yes. But it’s all part of the story and he was brought here safe and healthy and I’m safe and healthy and that’s what matters. 
RANT OVER.

The rest of the appointment went well. We heard the baby on the doppler kicking all around and the Dr was super happy because “healthy babies kick”. I really do like this OB. She is reassuring while also hearing me out on my concerns. I told her about my worries about my cervix possibly being torn with Levi’s birth and she said she wanted me to let that worry go as much as possible. She really thought it would be ok. We set up the Anatomy scan for 18 weeks 3 days, so we should definitely know who is in there by then. 🙂 AND, I keep dropping hints at DH about how much I’d love a 4d ultrasound this time. I didn’t even know about them until recently and I know the 3d was awesome when the tech gave us a peak with Tru and Levi, so 4d has to be even better, right? DH said we could do that for our anniversary gift to ourselves. I called the place (we have one locally now!! yay!) and they said after 24 weeks is best. So it’s still a ways off before we can do it, if we get to. But I think it would be really fun. 🙂 The local place is way cheaper than the big city places. Only $99 for a 1-hour slot (to give you time in case baby is in a bad position or something). I don’t know if you get a dvd but I’d imagine so. 🙂 

Dear God, thank You for the good check-up this week and for me feeling better and being able to enjoy this pregnancy more. Thank You for all the little kicks and wiggles on the doppler. Please continue to bless this pregnancy and protect the baby. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

Ok, maybe not really. But it kind of feels that way right now. My sil asked me to read this book every day and she and her bff are also reading it. The book is “Love Unending” by Becky Thompson of the blog Scissortail Silk. I can’t link you to it at the moment and to be entirely forthcoming, I don’t follow her blog. But my sil does and she is in love with Becky’s writings. 
So I bought the book online and yesterday we started reading it. It’s basically a 21-day challenge for your marriage to get back to were you were when you first fell in love. “Rediscovering your marriage in the midst of motherhood.” 
Now, personally, I believe that having kids was vital to our marriage. But I know that it also does create a bit of a space between parents. Infertility drove a huge wedge between us, so having kids was a colossal relief for us. I understand that many couples don’t have that initial hurdle so having kids is not the healing balm that it was for us.
That said, yeah, romance is often times the last thing on my mind. And motherhood has a way of leaving me “touched out” at the end of the day and just kind of done in general. I’m snappy with the kids and DH. I’m not in the mood to think about what DH wants and needs. I’m selfish. There, I said it. It’s true. And the point of this challenge is to stop trying to “change” DH into the perfect husband, and instead, refocus my outlook so that I can be the positive change that I want to see in him.
Today’s challenge was to speak kindly. It was not an utter fail, but I could have done better. What I realized today was that I have set the tone in my family that nobody listens when I’m being calm and nice. I have to start getting snappy to get DH’s attention when I need help and I found that the boys respond similarly. I think I needed this wake up call because I don’t want to be that way! I want to speak calmly and respond peacefully and set that tone for my family. 
I haven’t told DH that I’m doing this. I feel like my sil and her bff are enough accountability and I don’t want DH to see me fail on a challenge and possibly point it out to me. I think that would make it alot harder. Also, I thought it would be interesting to see if he notices my efforts and thought that if he does, that might be a good indication of what I need to keep working harder on. 
So yeah. It feels like a bit of an undertaking at the moment because today was hard. And I see that I have a long way to go before I become the person that I expect DH to be. Becky made a great point; the change has to start with someone. Why not start with me? 

I like the fact that I can journal along in the book while I go through it. I think it will help me absorb the material better. And gives me space to add my own thoughts and feelings.

It’s late and I should be sleeping but my mind is racing… maybe it’s just because I drank coffee too late… enjoying that kuerig a bit too much lately! 😉 Anyway, I haven’t done a “life update” in nearly a month so, here goes.

  • I made it to the gym 8 times in January, which is ok considering I didn’t get to go the whole first week. I also worked out a whole ONE time at home. (Don’t laugh) I do feel good right now, strength wise. I have been doing 3ish +/- miles on the elliptical, 6ish miles on the recumbent bike and 1 mile walk/run on the track per session. My goal is always 500 calories but lately I think I’ve been exceeding my goal by a bit which makes me happy. I also do lunges, squats and wall squats. I usually take about 1.5 hours so I’m going relatively slow. So far all my exercise is leg-focused but that’s only because I don’t burn as many calories doing upper body. I need to suck it up though and start back on my arms again or I may look off balance someday. 😉 Haha. 
  • I haven’t mentioned this before that I recall because I have been hoping it would go away, but I can’t keep my heart rate down during exercise. As soon as I step on a machine, it’s already in the 120s to 130s. I don’t know what my resting HR is but I will literally check my HR 2 minutes after I start WO and it’s already that high. By 5 minutes its anywhere from 155-180. And I can’t make it stay down. As I mentioned, I go very slow. I talked to my Dr about it in July last year and she said to give it a few months to see if it improves, but it’s not or if it has, its been very mildly. So, I guess I’ll have to talk to her again. At first I felt sick and would black out and have to lay down. Now, I feel fine generally. Maybe this is my norm? I just know that I can’t go to the cardio classes because when I have, I felt horrible, blacked out and had to stop. 
  • Enough about exersize! I just realized that I never concluded Truett’s fever testing. Basically, we are still watching and waiting to see if the fevers continue. I’m frustrated. His tests (ESR, CRP, hemolysis) came back worse this time but the Dr couldn’t rule out his cold throwing the results off. I’m not so sure because that fever was 6 days long. Seems unlikely to have been the cold, especially considering all of us had it and didn’t have fevers (aside from Levi running around 100° 1 night). But then again, everyone responds to illness differently. So, in 6 months if he doesn’t get any more weird fevers, he doesn’t have to go back to rheumatology. If he gets any, we are supposed to journal them and discuss them at a follow up. I’m mommy so obviously I’m still concerned. But I’m also trying to trust that its nothing and Tru just is more prone to high, long fevers. 
  • I’ve been watching my cousin’s 14ish month old baby this month and aside from waking up at dark:30, the boys and I have enjoyed having him here. It is so fun to watch them play with N. I notice that Tru watches out for N and gives him toys. Levi bosses N and steals his toys. 😉 This is good though because I’m getting the chance to teach Levi to share. I make Tru and Levi share all the time of course but their dynamic is a little different.
  • DH is finally supposed to start in the office at work full-time next week. It’s been months since he was promoted but they only just got someone to replace him on the truck. DH has been training this week and loves it so far!! 

Ttc update for my records and the 2 people who want to read it. 😉 Feel free to skip.


Meh, I don’t think the Femara worked this month. I don’t really think I ovulated… I never got a positive OPK and I never felt ovulation. I’m late for AF now but dragging my feet to call the RE. I know I should… he told me to if I went over 30 days on a Femara cycle, so I’d better I guess. I think I have a cyst though because I feel this feeling in my left side that is unusual and harkens to cyst-growing activity. :/ All HPTs (and there have been many) are 100% bfn. Not even the benefit of an evap. 😉 So, yeah. That’s about it. 

I grew up very sheltered.

That’s actually an understatement.

I was homeschooled and there were times that, aside from going to church on Sunday, I didn’t leave the house for weeks or even a month at a time. I feel, as an adult, that it affected my ability to form friendships with people because I usually go through this incredibly awkward phase when meeting new people. I don’t know what to say and I get so nervous that I stutter and it’s embarrassing. Once I am around them awhile, and especially if they are good at making conversation, I feel much better. And actually, I think I am beginning to improve in this area. But it has definitely taken concentrated effort from me. Part of that is my personality, I’m sure. But I definitely think some of it comes from not having a whole lot of experience in social settings.

Side note: I don’t regret the fact that I was homeschooled. That wasn’t an issue. In fact, I actually liked that aspect of my life a lot because I didn’t have to get up super early every day and we often got extra time off from our homework because we were able to finish early. I graduated a year early too, so that was nice. One thing that I would maybe change for myself and would definitely do differently for my children if I homeschool them, would be to use different curriculum. I had to get my GED because the curriculum we used did not give us a diploma, even though we had good grades. It just wasn’t part of the program. I passed my GED easily but I always felt a bit embarrassed that I didn’t have an actual diploma. I know I shoudn’t feel that way and I don’t feel that way about other people who work hard to get their GED…. Anyway…..

My parents, espescially my mom, worked hard to shelter us from bad influences. I respect them for that. At the same time, I feel like I can speak from my past experience that issolating (versus protecting) your children from virtually everyone may keep them from learning things you don’t want them to learn, but only for a time. Kids form their own ideas and opinions about things and what they asssume to be true may very well end up being worse than the actual truth. That is why I will always try to be open and honest with my kids about the hard to talk about things, like drugs and sex and so on. I’m not sure what the appropriate age is to talk about these things with your kids but I know I certainly had some ideas about what sex was by the time I was 10 years old. When my kids ask me about it, I hope I will be able to explain these things to them in an age appropriate but honest way.

Even though I appreciate how hard my mom (and dad in his own, less extreme way) worked to keep us safe and innocent, I really don’t ever want my kids to live that shut off and recluse of a life. I was lonely sometimes. It helped a LOT that I had siblings. However, there is 5.5 years betweeen me and my older sister and almost 5 years between me and my next younger sister so I didn’t really have anyone my age to talk to, though I was/am very close to my sisters. I did have friends but I just didn’t see them often enough. When we finally did have plans to get together with friends, I was always grounded because I was a rather angry and mouthy teen (cussing my parents out would be the tip of the iceberg, unfortunately). It is/was obvious to me why I was so angry… because I was mad that I could never do anything or go many places. I just don’t think my mom was able to understand that because she grew up so differently that maybe she didn’t realize how it would feel to be that closed off. My younger siblings have SO MUCH more freedom than I ever did!

I think a big part of why my mom kept me at home so much was fear… Fear because she had bad past experiences. Fear because of things that happened to her sisters. I get that. And being vigilant is a good thing and I hope to always be aware and vigilant so I don’t put my children in compromising situations. But letting fear take over and letting it dictate your life is never a good thing. I don’t blame my mom at all and I’m not mad at her. I know she was just trying to keep her kids safe so they wouldn’t face any bad situations. She loves us and wanted to protect us. That I understand. But you can take a good thing way too far. Which I also understand. As a parent now myself, I am able to give her grace for her mistakes as a parent because this job is hard and I get that now. I struggle with my own fears for my children, which are different than hers but just as present, I would imagine.

I’m not really sure what I’m even trying to say here. I guess I’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately and trying to use my childhood experiences to say “This is what was good and this is what I didn’t like. What can I do to find the right balance for my children?”

Truett has been running a low-grade fever for the last 4 days as we have all had a mild cold. He has a stuffy nose off and on and coughs occasionally at night. Levi ran a very slight temp of about 99.8 a couple times throughout this week and that was it. But with Tru, fevers always have been high and scary. 

Last night Tru woke up at 4am shivering uncontrolably with no fever. I put him in bed with us to warm him up and as it has happened before, not long after that he was burning up. I gave him Tylenol and checked his temp and it was 104.9F. Less than 5 minutes later his temp had risen to 105.9 and he began crying. DH went to get the ibuprofen from the kitchen while I wiped Tru with a cool cloth. Tru sat up in my lap and threw up a bunch of mucus and cried. I let him sip on Pedialyte while I kept wiping his body down until I could finally get him to take the ibuprofen. After maybe 15-20 minutes his temp was around 103 which I realize is the temp when most parents would start freaking out but sadly, with Tru and his history of really high fevers, DH and I almost start to relax ever so little once his temp drops to that range…. 

Anyway, sometime around 5am, he said “Pray me.” meaning of course that he wanted me to pray for him. I told him that I had been praying for him (silently) but that I would pray again. So I laid down next to him and prayed for him out loud. A few minutes later he started mumbling stuff which I couldn’t understand and then he said excitedly “God made me better!” Then he started looking around the room and saying “I see Santa Claus! He has sheep!” I turned and said to DH “Santa doesn’t have sheep!” And Tru continued on to say “There’s God! There’s Noah’s Ark and animals. See River?” And he pointed toward the side of the room. The dog was in the family room…. Then he told me he wanted to go home. I told him we are home but he said we weren’t. That really made me panic. I called my mom thinking that we might need her to come stay with Levi while we took Tru to the ER. We talked while Tru picked imaginary things off my shirt and she calmed me down a bit while we waited to see if the ibuprofen would bring his temp down a bit more. Tru was obviously hallucinating but I can’t help but think it was more than that. I kept checking his temp and it was 103-104. He would look at us and answer our questions but he kept seeing all these imaginary things. He talked about food that he could see, fire that was blowing, spider man, curious George, touching my face and chest and thinking he was touching Levi, and asked me “What’s that?” pointing at the ceiling. I told him I couldn’t see anything and he said “It’s God.” 

Finally his temp dropped more and he fell asleep around 6am. So the whole episode from him shivering, to his temp rising until it dropped down to under 103 was only 2 hours but it felt like forever!! 

This morning I asked him if he saw Santa Claus and some of the other things he’d mentioned last night. He said no. Then he told me “God was fixing me. He was scary.” I told him that God isn’t scary, He loves Tru. And then Tru said something like “He needs to talk. He was just quiet.” All day Tru has maintained this story, telling my sister when she came over “I was in mommy’s bed and God made me better!” 

I don’t know what to think of all this. It was really scary. I’ve had hallucinations from high fevers myself a number of times but when you see it happen to your child, it is really really scary. I’m so glad his fever came down relatively fast although it did take an hour of wiping him with cool cloths ect. But after his story I am more inclined to believe that God made him better than anything we did. 

He has had a slight temp today and has been pretty mellow although he has played a bit and eaten fairly well. I’m going to call his Dr tomorrow to tell them what happened since I am supposed to call them with any fevers he gets as a follow up from the fever episodes he was having. I just can’t help but think maybe Tru had a little glimpse into the spiritual realm last night and what he descibed was certainly amazing and comforting in a really freaky way. 

…….


Let’s just say, River was much happier when the kids finally went to (their) bed for the night. 😉 

I *think* I ovulated yesterday. I used CBD Advanced OPKs this month and got my flashing smiley face (high fertility) on CD 14 and solid smiley (peak fertility) on CD 15. I definitely felt like I was ovulating yesterday. My ovaries hurt SO BAD! Especially the left side. 
TMI but my RE said to BD on days 10, 12, 14, and 16. I was totally not going to follow that schedule because of using the OPKs and not wanting to make things happen if the mood wasn’t there. But it so happened that it just worked out that way. 
Anyhow, I still have tenderness in my ovaries today so I don’t know what that means. Hopefully nothing sinister. My LP is usually 13 days so… now, we wait. Lord if it’s Your will! 

Last weekend we were at a Christmas party and the boys were given little containers of skittles and m&ms. Levi dropped a couple, as toddlers do and I picked them up and put them back in his container. *GASP* Honestly, I didn’t really think anything of it. 5 second rule, blah blahs blah…. But I did get the sense that I had just done something horribly wrong given the vibe in the air from the nearby friends. A few minutes later, Levi dropped a few more candies and the ladies who were nearby quickly scooped them up saying to Levi “These fell on the floor. They’re dirty! I’ll throw them away.” 

Ok, let’s get one thing straight here. I’m completely elated to know that these friends care so much about the health and well-being of my kiddos that they are watching out for them. That actually just makes me really really happy. I’m quite touched! 

However, (!!!) I felt like a crumb – like a crumb of a turd, (the type that could be found on the floor perhaps?) for being such a gross parent as to just nonchalantly feed my child floor-candy without even giving thought to it. 

Seriously, these boys have eaten way grosser things before I could stop them, unfortunately. As babies/toddlers do. At least mine do. Maybe your unicorn baby never tried to taste sand … or lady bugs. Not that I’m going out of my way to expose them to germs but don’t you have to be exposed to some germs to build your immune system? “God made dirt, dirt don’t hurt.” Anyone? 

To be clear here, I’m not at home just throwing down their dinner on the floor “Come an git it boys! Sups on the floor. Jump in there River! Go fer it.” But I kinda might as well… I mean, toddlers are constantly eating questionable crumbs they find – it’s kind of what they do. And if your floor is so clean that your kid never finds a crumb, well, you can just leave! (Napoleon) Get out. Bye!!

 Also, just the other day I caught Levi giving River a bite of his dinner roll and proceeding to try to continue eating it himself. Cute, but gross. 

And one more thing to clarify. I would never feed my kids something that I wouldn’t eat. I’d gladly eat those m&ms off the floor myself. I guess I’m just gross like that. 
*The irony is that Tru threw up the next day but the floor-candy eater stayed healthy.*

Remember how how I said that maybe I had ovarian cysts that were preventing my cycle from coming? Well, it finally did come on CD 47 (!!!) which is the latest I have ever been without being pregnant. But I really don’t know why it was so late. 

On CD 44 I went to see my RE. We basically had a pre-conception consultation and talked about the possible cysts and ran blood work to check where all my hormones are falling at now. Progesterone was elevated so I definitely did ovulate, according to the Dr, which I was almost certain I had. And I am about 100% certain I didn’t ovulate late yet I was 3 weeks late to start….? All the other tests came back within normal levels. (Testosterone, thyroid, FSH etc) 
They did an ultrasound while I was there and the Dr asked if I had ever been diagnosed with PCOS because my ovaries almost looked that way. Even I could definitely see lots of black spots (cysts) on them. I told him I hadn’t been diagnosed with that before (thankfully!) so he ordered AMH on the blood work as well. It came back at 6.87ng/ml which is within normal range but actually higher than when I was 22. ETA: I am actually a little confused about this. Higher AMH is usually thought to be good because it points to higher ovarian reserve, but I’ve also read that it can indicate PCOS…  He didn’t say anything about the cysts making my cycle late though so maybe my theory was bogus. The Dr didn’t seem overly concerned about the cysts…? I am supposed to follow up in Feb. 

He asked if I wanted to give a couple cycles of medicated TI a try before doing a SA and possibly moving on to other treatment (I am thinking if we move on to more advanced treament, it would probably be AT LEAST another year). I decided to go ahead and try Femara 2.5mg for 2 months. Because, why not…. If he thinks it’s worth a try then I might as well try it. I opted not to take Clomid because I had such a horrible time on it last time I tried it 6 years ago. I’ve never tried Femara before but I am on day 2 of 5 now. I guess we will see how it goes. I have realistic expectations but I also know what my God can do so I am leaving it in His hands. So, yeah, that’s where I am at right now. Very thankful for good test results! 🙂 

jonsie13

living in the middle | navigating infertility

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