Archives for the month of: June, 2014
Cool little dude. Does anybody know where I can get baby sunglasses?

Cool little dude. Does anybody know where I can get baby sunglasses?

This face. This is what convinces me to open my eyes in the morning when I wake up all kinds of tired. :)

This face. This is what convinces me to open my eyes in the morning when I wake up all kinds of tired. 🙂

I swore I would not forget to post. I thought about it for weeks. The day came and and went and… I forgot to post. But yesterday, June 29th, marked Truett’s birthday of being out as long as he was was in. Yesterday Tru was 37 weeks 2 days. Can’t believe he has been out for longer than my entire pregnancy!! This is totally crazy! Everyday he is doing something new, cute and adorable. I was looking at pictures of someone’s baby the other day and I looked down at Tru and it hit me. He doesn’t even look like a baby any more. He looks like a BOY! Oh my, I have a little boy!! Not a baby boy. It’s too crazy! Somebody pinch me. Where is the time going?

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So, a lot has been going on with my hair since the beginning of this year. None of it has been pretty but there is good news! My hair is growing back just fine. The hair loss is finally slowing down. Not quite there yet but almost.

One of my bald patches...it actually got worse than that before the hair started growing back.

One of my bald patches…it actually got worse than that before the hair started growing back.

Today. Lot's of new baby hair growing in. It makes it hard to style and I pretty much lost all of my bangs on that side but at least I'm not looking like a 40 year old man with a receding hairline. (No offense 40 year old men.)

Today. Lot’s of new baby hair growing in. It makes it hard to style and I pretty much lost all of my bangs on that side but at least I’m not looking like a 40 year old man with a receding hairline. (No offense 40 year old men – you guys can totally pull it off.)

And… I was going to go get my hair cut last weekend and DH said I should get something different. I told him I didn’t know what to get (I HATE  picking hairstyles) and that if he wanted something new to look at, he was going to pick it. So he decided that he likes Jennifer Aniston’s medium length haircut.

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F-iROe2bn7BHY%2FThwbbcFHunI%2FAAAAAAAAAy8%2FbP4Bj8iyAik%2Fs400%2Fjennifer%252Baniston%252Brachel%252Bhairstyle%252B9.jpg&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fhairwallpapper.blogspot.com%2F2011%2F11%2Fjennifer-aniston-rachel-hairstyle.html&h=300&w=400&tbnid=OGkn6BehG2ASQM%3A&zoom=1&q=jennifer%20aniston%20friends%20hairstyles&docid=Cg5zNitCYsAxuM&ei=Oa-xU9CKA42fyASZn4LIBA&tbm=isch&client=safari&ved=0CFYQMygvMC8&iact=rc&uact=3&dur=893&page=3&start=41&ndsp=26

Supposedly that is what the hairdresser gave me. Except with  bangs because they were already there. Haven’t actually had time to play with it and style it yet. The baby is taking a nap… maybe I will go try to figure that out.

 

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Sorry for the picture of a drawing. I was going to scan it but I can’t figure out that junk.

Just to be clear here, Not complaining. Tru is worth weird boobs. Definitely.

So, My boobs have changed a lot over the last year. I have never been a very buxom lass in my lifetime save for the few weeks immediately following giving birth. At which time my boobs grew from a humble C to a mighty bigger than DD but I couldn’t find a bigger than DD bra. Which didn’t matter because I didn’t wear a bra. Or a shirt for that matter. And my boobs are usually just barely Bs so the massive stretching that they underwent in what seemed to be a matter of hours left then with some hefty stretch marks. The left one more so. My right boob defies the law of being identical when one is situated within mere inches of your twin. I now have one very droopy C lefty and a less stretch marked and more alert B righty. It’s comical. I have to wear a pushup on just the right side to even them out. It looks extremely awkward otherwise. As in, it has been pointed out. So these are the changes my boobs have made. Pre-pregnancy: “My boobs are so small. I wish I had bigger boobs!” Pregnancy: “Finally! But I had hoped for a bit more than this. I just hope it lasts.” Post partum: “I take it all back! Big boobs are not for me. These things are lumpy and they HURT!!!” Now: “No Mom, I’m not trying to draw a picture of a man part! That’s my deflated boob!”

When I lay down on my back, they just kind of roll off to the sides and snuggle with my armpits. When I run, they don’t bounce up and down, they flap back and forth. They are fluid and remind me of jello that is just starting to set up. They will fall out of an unsupportive bra. Read: sports bra. Which I never liked before. The song, Do your boobs hang low? Do they jiggle to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier? Do your boobs hang low? fits. All that and more!

I know I am not alone in feeling mommy guilt. I just wonder sometimes if I feel it stronger because being a mommy after infertility makes me feel like I should be more attentive to every single thing in order to show my acknowledgment of how fortunate I am to finally have a baby. It’s getting out of hand though. To the point that I sometimes lately have found myself thinking that maybe I didn’t have a baby naturally because I wasn’t going to be a perfect mother. I mean, come on… seriously?? I know it’s crazy but I can’t seem to help it. So I’m going to get it out here in the open and write it down so I can see if it is actually stuff that I should be feeling guilty for versus just stupid stuff. I feel guilty because:

  • Everyone seems to do more and better intellect building games with their babies. – This is my big one I think. To be honest, I could work on this more. And that’s why I feel guilty. Because I’m not working at it more. I’m not wracking my brain for things that will make Truett a little 8 month old genius. Why? I really don’t know. I guess because I am so darn tired and I feel like my brain is fried all the time. I guess I’m not wanting to put forth the effort. So obviously I feel guilty. And maybe I should feel that way. 
  • Everyone who breast fed made it farther than I did before starting solids. – This one I know is stupid. My baby was at least a few pounds more than most babies I know of when he was 4 and half months which is when we started rice cereal. His pediatrician said we could start any time after 4 months. She said he was ready. He clearly needed the extra food. He’s tall and he was well beyond percentiles for his age at the time. I did an amazing job of feeding him exclusively breast milk until 4 and a half months. I could have gone longer but he would have been hungry. Not because I didn’t have enough milk but because he needed more substance to his diet. And furthermore, what difference does it make? We are all just trying to do our best at feeding our babies. In the end, whether we are feeding them breast milk, formula, starting solids at 4 months or 6 etc who really gives a crap as long as they are thriving and we are doing our best as mother’s making the best choice we can given the needs of our babies. But still… I feel guilty. 
  • Sometimes I feel like I’m getting burned out. – Wow. I feel guilt on so many levels just mentioning that. There is the whole thing about how I am a mom after infertility. This is what I wanted. How dare I feel burnt out? I’m not feeling burnt out on motherhood. I just feel like I need about an hour a day where I’m not in charge. Just an hour. Tru can be here. He can even be in the same room. Just so long as I am not responsible for taking care of him at all. And naps and bedtime don’t count because I’m either cleaning, cooking or sleeping. And I know if he wakes up, I can’t have fresh nail polish all over my fingers or anything crazy like that. (Do mom’s even wear nail polish?) DH, bless his heart, does not know the first thing about babies. He tries, but he clearly just can’t figure it all out. I try to let him, I even try to make him figure things out himself. But he always comes to me with questions. “What do I feed him? How much? Where is it? Do I need to change his diaper? Does he need a nap? Where are his pjs? Where is his pacifier? I can’t find his wet wipes? He won’t stop crying…. ” And I’m like, “Forget it. I’m getting out of the tub. It’s easier to do it myself than answer 50 questions.” DH does help, I just always feel like I am supervising. I try to let DH fly solo with the baby but so far, the results are not good. But I feel guilty to even admit that I need an hour a day. Actually, even a half hour would probably work where I just know that if he needs something, it’s not my turn. 
  • I feel guilty for feeling frustrated when I don’t get enough sleep or when I get woken up all night. – It’s temporary. Tru will not always need me as much as he does now. He already doesn’t need me as much as he used to. But I feel guilty for the frustrated feelings I get when I am tired. I mean, mommy after infertility thing definitely coming into play again here. How can I feel frustration toward the little person that I wanted with all of my heart and begged God for? You know, the one that I swore I would never mind getting up with in the middle of the night? Yeah, that one. And the truth is, I don’t mind getting up with him in the night when he needs me. I just don’t like being too tired to properly take care of him. And I far more rather to get up with him in the night than not have him in my life. DUH! I still feel guilty though for being frustrated when I wake up for the day on 4 hours of sleep. Which is actually happening less and less as Tru gets older. But I fear sleep regressions!
  • I don’t get down on the floor and play with Tru as much as I perceive that other mothers do. – Another big one for me. I read a few mommy blogs right now and to hear some of them talk, one would be led to believe that they wake up in the morning and sit on the floor with their babies until bedtime playing, singing, reading books and having a grand ol’ time. All I can say is, they either have a maid and a cook or the most awesome hubs in the world. Tru does love it when I get on the floor and play with him so I try to do it often but it is nowhere near as often as I feel it should be. Oftentimes, if I see him being entertained on his own for 2 seconds, I try to sneak around behind his back and get stuff done. I mean, DH is pretty great but he can’t do it all! I still have to at least wash him some clean underpants and throw some random crap in a pan and heat it up to pretend I made supper. And occasionally I actually want to poop. Alone. 
  • AND… my house isn’t as clean as yours. Yep. Your house is cleaner than mine. I can almost guarantee it. I’m no Mrs. Clean here. I try to keep the floors and toilets clean. I definitely want the dishes done every day (right now they’re not and they won’t be because it’s almost midnight and I’m taking a minute to right this!). Dusting? If I get around to it. Laundry? I always think that I will throw in a load before bed. That happens frequently but I still am seldom caught up. Even if it is my favorite chore. And actually I like to clean pretty well. But when do you find the time? Between the dog thinking I’m going to take him for a walk and running in front of me every time I walk through the kitchen and Tru crawling back and forth crying trying to catch me and the dog… cleaning has become a hassle that is more trouble than it’s worth.
  • And I might as well add that I have a lot of wife guilt too. – It’s not mommy guilt but it’s all in the family. I don’t try to be hot anymore because I’m quite frankly in the mood for that romance stuff less often than I’m in mood to jump in a frozen river (thankfully DH doesn’t read my blog). Goodbye lingerie! 

So to conclude this boring pointless confessional, I am sure that I am not alone. (Please, tell me I’m not alone!) None of that stuff probably really matters. Right? Or does it? Most of it, I can’t change without wearing myself down even more and honestly right now I am worn to a thread. (It’s not because of the baby that I’m so exhausted though really. It’s more likely than not a severe B12 deficiency which I am trying to address. Thank you very much MTHFR for messing up my B vitamin absorption!) And most of it probably isn’t affecting Tru nearly as much as I convince myself it does. I guess I just haven’t learned to think of myself as a good mom. I always think of myself as a mom who is lagging behind. A wife who is lagging behind. A person who is lagging behind. And I don’t feel like I can fix it!

PLEASE PRAY FOR THIS BABY!

The time has come in baby Roscoe’s life that God is his only hope of making it to the next day or even the next hour. I have been following the story of this sweet baby for the last week and a half and he has already been right at deaths door twice. His story breaks my heart and perhaps even more so because he is only 2 days younger than Tru. He is actually much younger than Tru because baby Roscoe was born at just 28 weeks gestation. He has spent his whole life in the NICU. His story makes me cry it is so heartbreaking. Last week he was doing better but he has again taken a turn for the worse. I just ask that you lift him up in prayer to God. He needs God to touch him right now and heal him so he can grow and live. Please pray.

 

In case you missed the link in the title, this is the blog his parents have made to keep everyone updated.

 

Dear God, I ask that You will please touch Roscoe and his parents right now. Please give his parents strength and joy. Please give Roscoe health and stability. I pray that You will sustain his life according to Your will. Please help him to live and grow and be well and strong and healthy. Please don’t let all that he has gone through trying to survive be in vain. More so for his parents sake I ask that you will not let his suffering so far be in vain but that the suffering that he has endured up to this point will be towards the purpose of him getting well finally and becoming stable in his health. I pray that You will please help him to get to experience all the normal things in life. Crawling, walking, talking, growing up, eating, laughing and being held. In Jesus’ name I ask that You will heal him. Amen.

Well, actually it is pretty easy to drive 12 hours with a baby if that baby is Tru. I know I brag on Tru a lot but he’s my kid so I guess I kind of have too. 😉 Plus I feel like I better brag while he’s still behaving well enough to brag about. I’m SUCH a positive person.

 

We had a great time visiting my family in New York. I love them all so much and miss them tons when we are apart. I don’t get to see them very often but when I do, we always have fun.

 

We made an overnight stop on our way in Niagara Falls New York because it’s not too far out of the way and I really wanted to go there as the last time we went it was cold and rainy and I really didn’t see anything. I am so happy we went. It was just marvelous. God is so good and big and powerful. He made such amazing things for us to marvel at. It’s incredible. So without further ado, I will attempt to share out trip in pictures.

 

American Falls at night. We almost didn't walk down to the Falls at night because Tru had already fallen asleep but I wasn't going to let this opportunity pass me by. I carried him down there in the Moby Wrap and I am so glad we got to see the beauty of the Falls at night.

American Falls at night. We almost didn’t walk down to the Falls at night because Tru had already fallen asleep but I wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass me by. I carried him down there in the Moby Wrap and I am so glad we got to see the beauty of the Falls at night.

And here they are all lit up in color. Just beautiful!

And here they are all lit up in color. Just beautiful!

I love how even the mist is colored.

I love how even the mist is colored.

Heading out to see the Falls at night. Ignore my saggy baggy PJ shirt.

Heading out to see the Falls at night. Ignore my saggy baggy PJ shirt.

The view from our hotel window. We were on the 7th floor and could actually see a bit of the falls. There is a rainbow of mist there that is just gorgeous.

The view from our hotel window. We were on the 7th floor and could actually see a bit of the falls. There is a rainbow of mist there that is just gorgeous.

Ready to go explore!

Ready to go explore!

The other side of American Falls in the day light. I wish we had known how to get to that side during the night for some pictures.

The other side of American Falls in the day light. I wish we had known how to get to that side during the night for some pictures.

Walking to Horseshoe Falls.

Walking to Horseshoe Falls.

The rapids leading to Horseshoe Falls.

The rapids leading to Horseshoe Falls.

God's promise is everywhere at Niagara falls. This is a double rainbow in the mist at Horseshoe Falls.

God’s promise is everywhere at Niagara falls. This is a double rainbow in the mist at Horseshoe Falls.

It was hard to get a good clear picture of Horseshoe Falls because of all the mist!

It was hard to get a good clear picture of Horseshoe Falls because of all the mist!

Tru looks just delighted lol.

Tru looks just delighted lol.

All tuckered out.

All tuckered out.

 

And onto Upstate New York….

 

The view from a field at my Grandpa's. Just beautiful.

The view from a field at my Grandpa’s. Just beautiful.

Walking down a tractor trail.

Walking down a tractor trail.

There are windmills EVERYWHERE around there. They look much bigger in real life. Kind of ugly but GREEN POWER!

There are windmills EVERYWHERE around there. They look much bigger in real life. Kind of ugly but GREEN POWER!

It gets a bit windy up so high.

It gets a bit windy up so high.

A snapper that walked out  in front of us while we were looking at flowers at a greenhouse.

A snapper that walked out in front of us while we were looking at flowers at a greenhouse.

Family picture at a park.

Family picture at a park.

At lunch with my Grandma. Tru drank a lot of my water and then decided he needed a smoke.

At lunch with my Grandma. Tru drank a lot of my water and then decided he needed a smoke.

A beautiful Conservation Center my Grandma took us too. That water is chock full of snapping turtles! Huge huge snappers  the size of Tru. Probably bigger. I would hate to stick my toes in that water!!

A beautiful Conservation Center my Grandma took us too. That water is chock full of snapping turtles! Huge huge snappers the size of Tru. Probably bigger. I would hate to stick my toes in that water!!

The view off of a special dock out on the water.

The view off of a special dock out on the water.

There seems to be a good bit of swamp land around there too.

There seems to be a good bit of swamp land around there too.

The water is perfectly clear though.

Tru was so inthralled by the geese that were everywhere around us (one actually ate from my hand) and the fish that were jumping up in the water to grab food.

Tru was so inthralled by the geese that were everywhere around us (one actually ate from my hand) and the fish that were jumping up in the water to grab food.

This is what I saw much of the drive to New York and back home. This adorable face looking up to see me. I love him!!

This is what I saw much of the drive to New York and back home. This adorable face looking up to see me. I love him!!

 

So that is pretty much our trip in pictures. We stayed 3 nights with Uncle and Aunt and another 3 nights with another Uncle and Aunt. We spent much of our time outdoors and took a hike somewhere almost everyday we were there. The weather was great and we just had a blast.

 

Packing enough food for Tru was a challenge. I thought I packed enough when I packed 60+ jars but I ended up having to go buy another 20 while I was there. Growing boy!! And I impressed myself with my pack rat skills of fitting 3 coolers, 2 suitcases, 2 diaper bags, a pack and play, a large stroller, 2 pillows, laptop, bag of toys and a bag of food for the drive all into our little Focus. It was a tight squeeze but we did it! And used every last thing we brought!

 

I try not to get behind and do these double week updates but it happens. Whatever. Actually don’t have a ton to update. The last 2 weeks have been much the same as the weeks before. The only real changes are that we have

  • Taken eating to a whole new level. Now up to 3 to 4 jars per meal plus bedtime food.
  • Started teething biscuits which is seriously the cutest thing ever to watch Tru feeding himself.
  • Definitely had a growth spurt. I feel like I woke up one morning and Tru was suddenly taller and most of his clothes are too short. Out of 9 month clothes for sure now. 12 month are ok but some brands are already getting snug on him.
  • Found out that Tru can sport a mohawk hairstyle which is really saying something considering he doesn’t have much hair! It’s too cute though.
  • Seen pretty remarkable growth in the tooth department. Those boogers grow fast!
  • Found out it’s fun to use our new teeth to bite mommy on the boob. Mommy is not impressed.
  • Drove over 1,200 miles round trip in the car to visit family in New York (post on that coming soon hopefully) and cried a grand total of 1/2 hour altogether. Tru is a genius baby!
  • Saw Niagara Falls. Tru is a well traveled baby too!!
  • Went to a Reds game and didn’t like it. -Too far away, too hot, too loud, too tired, too hungry – and that’s just how I felt. Can’t imagine how Tru felt. 😉

I’m going to save all the pictures for the post about our trip since they are mostly all trip pictures anyways.

Dear God, Thank You for the health and happiness that Truett has experienced for these 8 wonderful months. Thank You for his growth and for all the things he is learning and doing. I ask that You will continue to bless him on this journey through life that he will continue to thrive and do well. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

This is absolutely beautiful….

Redeeming Infertility

A friend just statused this C.S. Lewis quote and could it be any more true??

“We’re not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us;

we’re wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”

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I just discovered this post was still in my DRAFTS folder!!! How in the world did that happen?? It should have been posted on 6/11/14. Well no wonder I didn’t get any likes… 😉 

 

 

A lot of teething going on around here. Truett popped his first tooth through last week and has since popped in another. He showed no symptoms with the first tooth until right when it came through and he has been miserable since. He has had runny poop the last few days. Not diarrhea but just looser than usual and at least 6 times a day. It’s like the newborn days again but much stinkier. I have read that the extra saliva irritates the tummy and makes the teething baby poop more. He has also been taking more naps. Like 4 a day and waking up more at night crying this heart breaking pained cry. Only a snuggle in our bed will calm him. And Tylenol helps too. After reading a post about teething a few days ago by TwinMomLife, I requested for DH to pick some teething tabs on his way home from work yesterday. We have only tried them twice but he did go from nonstop crying this evening to happy so….

 

He is walking along the furniture now and is even brave enough to hold on with only one hand. He crawls around everywhere and into every room following me. His favorite place to crawl to is the dog bowl in the kitchen. As soon as he gets to it, he inmediately turns it upside down then looks quite pleased with himself for the puddle on the floor.

 

Speaking of puddles. Tru has been figuring this toilet thing out mpre and more. He woke up dry from 3 of his naps the other day and as soon as I put him on the toilet, he went pee. He has been going pee on the toilet more and more often if I put him on every half hour of so. A couple days ago we had success with pee or poop 5 out of 6 times. I am not real consistant with putting him on yet though. It’s more to familiarize him with it than anything but I am excited that he is doing so well with it. Every time he goes he gets this big smile like he is so proud of himself. It’s cute. 🙂

 

Annnnnnd…… Tru says Ma Mam!!!!!! Yay! He knows my name now too! That’s still so weird for me to say. My name is Mom. Or maybe more acurately Ma mam. 🙂

 

Truett’s tear duct is open! The week before last, his eye was so badly infected that I was sure I was going to have to call the Dr and ask them to go ahead and open it. It had just gotten too bad. So, how it goes is: we went to the zoo on Saturday with our church. I put Coppertone on Tru and unfortunately he rubbed his eyes with his fist and entire arm like he does all the time. His eye was already terrible but this was just insult to injury! Throughout the day his eye got so bad he could barely open it. He had tears streaming and his nose was running and his eye was clearly burning. We tried to wash it out with water and people thought we were stupid idiots and that we were trying to cool our baby off. Ya know, by pouring water in his eyeballs? And they were like “Do you think maybe he is hot?” because he was screaming. But anyways… it all got feeling better eventually but by then his skin around his eye looked a little worse for wear from him rubbing it. That drama aside, Sunday at church I requested them to pray over him. Our church prays over everyone who needs healing by laying on of hands and anointing with oil. That was in the morning. His eye was already looking a bit better by that night. Then a lady at church felt the urge to go pray over his eye again. Obviously his eye was attracting quite a lot of attention because it was so awful! It was really really awful. The next morning it was like 90% better. By the next Saturday morning his eye was 100% healed and his tear duct was OPEN!! Call it what you want but I say it was God. I am so thankful and I am hoping and praying that God will keep his little eye all better now. This is probably the best it has been for the longest amount of time since it initially blocked. I am so happy. 🙂

 

I measured Tru the other day and he was 29 and 3/4 inches tall. Which means he is now 9 inches taller than at birth and 2 and 1/4 inches taller than two months ago. But he is now 19 pounds and a few weeks ago when I weighed him he was 20. Of course the scale could have been off but I can see that he is slimmer and my mom said she noticed he was skinnier than usual. I guess it could be because he’s so active but a pound loss is a lot for a baby.

 

Thank you for reading. 🙂 Dear God, please help Tru’s teeth to feel better soon and I pray that his eye will stay healthy and clear and that his tear duct will stay open. Thank you for all of your blessings. Please watch over Tru and keep him safe. In Jesus’ name, amen.

 

P.s. Sorry no pictures. Tru is upset now and ready for bed. I will try to post pics later. 🙂

 

 

Rita New

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