Archives for the month of: June, 2020

I’ve hit a wall. The wall of tired. It hadn’t hit before and silly me thought that meant I might be getting off easy on the whole exhaustion thing. Ha! Guess again. I am barely able to hold my eyes open and fell asleep sitting in the recliner. Of course, Quayd crawled up to me and woke me up in about 18 seconds but the nap was great while it lasted.

The nausea has intensified and is now a constant companion. Even when I wake up in the night to pee or nurse Quayd, it’s there. Constant snacking and sipping on orange flavored drinks helps a smidge. I bought some b6 which I’m taking now too. I haven’t started on doxylamine succinate yet because I don’t really want to use it while I’m breastfeeding since it could (theoretically) make Quayd drowsy and possibly dry up my milk. But I may have to give in and use it soon. I’m at the point where I feel so thirsty and have dry, cotton mouth but water tastes so gross. Iced is better. I need to try some iced tea… That sounds good.

Other than those symptoms and running to pee 20 times a day/night, I also have noticed since the end of 5 weeks that the area of my c section scar is already rounding out. Like it’s not flat anymore. I realize that you do show earlier every time but like… Dude. I don’t think I’d be able to hide this much longer. Granted it’s probably mostly bloat from my digestion being slowed and whacky but there’s only so much sucking in that I can do before people start to look suspiciously. ๐Ÿ˜‚ Hopefully we can make it a few more weeks without telling. I’m definitely just not ready to tell yet and have everyone worrying and fretting. Everyone has enough on their minds with DH getting ready to start radiation etc. Ideally we’d really like to wait till we know the gender and have a name possibly. Which I think we would like to try the sneak peek gender test this time and get the results after 8 weeks. Hardly any time left to wait! It’s incredible that you can find out that early now!

More information than you ever wanted to know about my pregnancies. ๐Ÿ˜‚

I’m posting this because I love reading other people’s numbers and comparing, (even though it’s not helpful in the least). I know that there are a lot of people who come across my blog while googling and they might actually enjoying these numbers. The rest of y’all, feel free to skip over this post. ๐Ÿ˜Š

Triplet IVF pregnancy with 2 vanishing babies.

10dp2dt – hcg 250

14dp2dt – hcg 868 – 40 hour DT

19dp2dt – hcg 7,487 – 30 hour DT

Healthy Singleton

16dpo – hcg 176 – Progesterone 35.3

18dpo – hcg 459 – 30hr DT

20dpo – hcg 1,406 – Prog 57.4 – 29hr DT

Healthy Singleton

9dpo – hcg 15 – Progesterone 16.5

12dpo – hcg 127 – Pro 29.3 – 21hr DT

19dpo – hcg 3,535 – Pro 17.7 – 35hr DT

23dpo – hcg 18,698 – Pro 41.2 – 39hr DT

Healthy Singleton

12dpo – hcg 28 – Progesterone 14.7

14dpo – hcg 106 – Pro 30.4 – 24hr DT

16dpo – hcg 276 – Pro 29.3 – 34hr DT

24dpo – hcg 10,005 – 37hr DT

Current Singleton Pregnancy

19dpo – hcg 1,449 – Progesterone 29.7

21dpo – hcg 2,625 – Pro 26.8 – 60hr DT

23dpo – hcg 5,479 – Pro 26.9 – 44hr DT

We were told by the urologist that if the CT scan looked good, DH would not be referred to an oncologist. So fear struck my heart when I heard DH answer the phone Thursday afternoon when the receptionist called to tell him he had a 9:30am appointment with the oncologist Friday morning. She wasn’t able to give any further information as to what his CT scan showed or why he was being referred and a call to his urologist’s nurse line didn’t yield a live human to talk to. So I spent the rest of the evening feeling concerned and upset. Granted, testicular cancer that has spread still has a very high cure rate. But the idea of DH going through treatments and possibly more surgery was so hard to bear.

Friday morning my mom came over to watch the boys while we went to the appointment. Thankfully, the physician assistant was able to calm our fears during our hour wait for the dr to come in. She said there was a spot on DH’s spine but the report said it looks like a degenerative disc and that there was no sign of metastasis. Praise God! The relief was immense!

The dr came in and after a thorough exam and a lot of detailed information about testicular cancer, he said that the pathology report came back stage 2 and that there was “lymphovascular involvement” although the margins were good and the ct scan was perfect. It’s impossible to guarantee that there are no invisible cancer cells that had begun their journey to nearby lymph nodes though and because of this, he feels it’s best for DH to do 3 weeks of radiation therapy. This is supposed to be Mon-Fri for 15-18 total treatments. It shouldn’t take long, probably only half an hour a day. The dose is low and therefore the side effects should also be minimal. Some nausea is expected but they are prescribing zofran for DH to take before each session. A whole bunch of lab work was done after the appointment and hopefully everything comes back perfect so this process can move along quickly. It’s also good timing because DH is being laid off for a week during the treatments, so he won’t have to try to work that out with his boss for that week.

So, we’d hoped the twice yearly ct scans and bloodwork would be the end of it and no further treatment required but if this gives DH a better chance at no recurrence, then it’s worth it. I’m just glad it’s not chemo or surgery. Definitely feeling blessed at that!

After spending absolutely the entire day yesterday flopping back and forth between despair and momentary confidence (and googling, of course), I am happy to report that my HCG today doubled. It was as follows:

6/17 – 1,449 (19dpo) Progesterone -29.7

6/19 – 2,625 (21dpo) P – 26.8 – 60 hour DT

6/21 – 5,479 (23dpo)*Edit P 26.9* – 44 hour DT

These are the 2 longest doubling times I’ve ever had in any of my pregnancies (40 hours was my longest ever, usually it’s 21-36 hours for me) but still very much within the accepted normal and healthy range, clinically. Keep in mind, I haven’t talked to my dr as it’s the weekend. I can only go off of my own personal experiences and that is why I freaked out. But Google assures me that 48-72 hour DT is quite acceptable.

At this point, 5 weeks 2 days, it’s generally better to wait until the ultrasound rather than do more betas. My dr doesn’t like to order them past this point as the data becomes unreliable as far as DT and just causes people like me to stress. So, I shall do my utmost to just sit tight and wait for the ultrasound which is scheduled for July 3rd.

I think it’s worth mentioning again that I was feeling very confident with the progression of this pregnancy and just felt like it was meant to be and the Lord had a plan. I wish I’d never had the results to the HCG because seriously it caused me so much unneeded stress. I actually really enjoyed those first 4 days that were devoid of information beyond positive pee sticks. There was a time in my life where I couldn’t imagine having a pregnancy without checking the beta like it was my actual full time job, but this time I didn’t really want to. I needed to for my dr to have the information he needs but I would have been better off to not even know the numbers myself. I didn’t even get around to having them checked until a couple days after he ordered the labs because I felt really at peace just letting this baby do its thing in there. But shew!!! What a trip!

So, I have no idea why the number didn’t double between the first 2 draws and I still don’t know if the baby is healthy and happy in there but I do know that I really need to just get back in my groove and relax. No good has ever come from me freaking out.

I bumped my progesterone dose to 400mg at night and 200mg in the morning since that is what the dr prescribed when my progesterone levels dropped with Zane. I haven’t gotten to talk to him yet but I’m sure he will approve of that. I should get that result back tomorrow as I had my progesterone checked again today also. If it’s still dropping, I’ll probably just switch to the pio. For some reason I just have more confidence in pio than the gross little pills.

Anyway, today I’ve been almost constantly nauseated. It’s like a low to moderate car sick feeling. My gag reflex is on high alert. My nose is smelling everything and simultaneously stuffy. Nothing tastes right. I couldn’t finish my coffee this morning. Water is gross too. The usual…. I’ve noticed that in the morning and overnight I have a good amount of breastmilk but less during the day, so I think we need to start thawing our freezer stash and giving Quayd a few bottles. I’m worried he’s not getting enough fluids. He seems a little put off by nursing the last few days. Either it’s coincidence and he’s trying to wean himself or maybe the milk tastes different. I’m not sure but he definitely isn’t as happy with nursing as usual.

Dear God, thank You for the increase in HCG today. I am so thankful it went up appropriately and looks good. Please watch over this tiny one and sustain it’s life according to Your plan. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I went for my second set of beta HCG and progesterone tests today. Progesterone takes at least 24 hours to come back but the HCG is in the patient portal already. I haven’t talked to my dr yet but I feel very concerned. In my previous pregnancies my HCG increased rapidly, usually doubling in 21-36 hours. This time, it didn’t double. It went from 1,449 to 2,625 in 52 hours. (60 hour doubling time) Clinically, it’s acceptable. But in my past experiences, it’s not looking good. ๐Ÿ˜ข

I feel devastated already. I’m trying to keep hope but I just feel so sad. I went from not planning to get pregnant again to surprise pregnancy and coming to terms with that. Then before I knew it, I was attached and in love with the baby. Now I’m feeling absolutely heartbroken thinking that it could be over. It’s only been a week tomorrow since I found out about this baby but I’m already so in love with it.

To add insult to injury, today DH had to see an oncologist and found out that he needs radiation. The dr strongly encouraged sperm banking if we want any more children as the radiation will be in the scrotal area and may affect fertility. Naturally we declined sperm banking in the interest of starting radiation immediately and also because that doesn’t make sense at this point for us. But now… Now that I’ve experienced the emotions of expecting a 5th child, now I am certain that it’s what I want.

So, I’m 5 weeks today, in this moment. I’ve had moderate queasiness the majority of the day. I truly thought that the increase in nausea would be reflected in a huge increase in HCG, but unfortunately I’m finding out that the news isn’t as good as I’d hoped. All I can do is hope and pray that it will be alright. I have to believe that God has a plan in this and whatever happens, He will take care of us.

Please God, help this baby to live and be healthy according to Your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Ok, not really. But I could have sworn I did a Quayd update in May but when I looked just now, the last update was in March!!! Poor Quayd! I really regret not doing more updates for my little guy. I guess that’s my bad though for not setting aside more dedicated blog time. It’s definitely important to me to keep a good record!

Quayd is zipping all around the house, crawling regular style and bear crawling on hard floors or when his knees get worn out. I’ve never seen a baby bear crawl so much! He’s also learned how to go from a crouch to a full stand in the middle of the floor and he does it all day over and over. He smiles at me and holds his hands over his head like he’s so proud of himself. On June 17th he took a couple steps while holding something in his hands. It was like he didn’t realize that he was standing solo, so he just started to walk. So darn cute!

We are on a pretty good schedule with sleep right now. Bedtime is around 10:30pm and then up for the day anywhere from 8:30am to 10:30am. We either have 1 wake up, usually around 5-6am but sometimes around 2-3am instead. Fairly often Quayd will sleep through the night but when he does wake up, he’s always super hungry. Naps are usually twice a day with the first one being a couple hours after he gets up for the day and the second nap being toward evening. The early nap is generally 1.5-3 hours long and the later nap is shorter.

He’s nursing at least 6-8 times throughout the day and also eating snacks and a couple meals. I stopped pumping twice a day about 3 weeks ago and only pump now when I get over full, so Quayd is taking in a lot more milk every morning as I nurse him several times to get the extra milk I’d usually be pumping out. He’s not a huge eater with solids but I feed him as much as he’s willing to eat. Big people food is generally well accepted while soft mushy foods usually get rejected pretty fast. We are working on using a sippy cup for water but he’s not getting the hang of it yet. He will take bottles for other people but we’ve still probably given less than a dozen because he’s just not a fan.

Favorite things right now are:

  • Playing with his brothers
  • Rolling around on the floor and climbing on mommy and daddy like we are a play gym
  • Driving around in his walker on the porch
  • Being carried in his Moby wrap while we go for hikes. He would gladly be in his Moby wrap all day long!
  • Sticking his hands in the toilet. He heads for the toilet every single time someone forgets to close the bathroom door. It’s a real struggle trying to keep him from getting to the bathroom
  • Stroller rides and he’s getting less angry about car rides
  • Finding crumbs and small toys that he shouldn’t put in his mouth
  • Doing yoga while nursing
  • Watching the baby goats run around
  • Music and being sung to. He also loves to dance and move his arms to music
  • His pacifiers. I call him “Binky Baby” because he always has one in his mouth. We would be lost without his binkies. Life would be very loud and sad.

Quayd is currently mostly in 12 month clothes but still fitting a few 9 month items. He wears size 3 diapers and so does Zane, so that’s handy. I think he weighs about 20lbs. I’ve tried weighing him several times but it’s hard to get an accurate reading. We haven’t had a well child checkup in a long time but he looks and acts healthy in my opinion. Hopefully we can get back to our regular checkup schedule soon. ๐Ÿ™‚

Quayd has such a silly fun personality. He loves to crawl away as fast as he can and laughs while we chase him. He loves when we go “boo!” and surprise him. He loves kisses and being tickled. Generally he’s a sweet baby and mostly happy. When he’s not happy, the whole house hears about it. ๐Ÿ˜‚

Dear God, thank You for Quayd and his sweet and fun personality. Thank You for how well he’s growing and doing. Please keep him healthy and safe all throughout his life. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I had my beta and progesterone tests done today. I started prometrium 200mg am and pm lastnight and don’t have the progesterone test back yet but my beta came back at a strong and healthy 1,449. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ I’m thinking maybe I ovulated a couple days earlier than I thought originally, so I might actually be 19dpo (4 weeks 5 days) instead of 17dpo. Either date fits the timeline for when “things” happened. ๐Ÿ˜‰ That makes my due date 2/19/2020

Symptoms currently are: cramps, metallic taste, peeing a lot and also extra thirsty, slight queasiness, and sleeping really well at night (always a welcome early pregnancy symptom for me because I usually do NOT sleep well).

I’m used to and attached to the idea of having another baby now. Really hoping I have a healthy, easy pregnancy experience. ๐Ÿ™‚

Edit: progesterone came back at 29.7 ๐Ÿค—

Tests are from top to bottom: 15dpo, 16dpo, 17dpo and 18dpo. That was a pretty good progression and now that I’ve had such a good beta, I don’t think I need any more confirmation tests. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Yesterday I told DH about the baby. We were driving to Spring Mill State Park to meet up with his family on our vacation and I decided to ease into the news while we were alone. I wasn’t sure exactly when I would tell him but I wanted to let him get used to the idea a little. I asked him to stop at the dollar store so I could pick up a pregnancy test (I really wanted to confirm that first one) because “I’m late and have some symptoms”. Which was true.

He got pretty nervous (I mean, this was incredibly unexpected) and wanted me to take the test right away but I wanted to wait for a better moment. We arrived at the park long before his family got there and had our picnic lunch with the boys. They were all sitting there, eating their sandwiches, Quayd was in the Moby wrap and DH said that it doesn’t really matter what people think, it’s our lives to live and if we are expecting again, it’ll be ok. So I hugged him and said “What if I told you that I already know that I’m pregnant?” I then told him about the test from the day before. He was surprised but pretty calm.

We took the boys for a walk while we talked more about how surprising this was, considering the surgery and everything and the fact that the dr had recommended us to freeze sperm if we wanted more children and yet, here we were, pregnant by “accident”, as some would say. What an absolute 180 from our previous experiences. Nobody would believe that once upon a time we were doing ivf to conceive after 4.5 years of trying and failing. God works in very very very mysterious ways!

I woke up with Quayd at 5:15am to nurse him and as I laid there in the dark holding him, I thought I should be freaking out about this but mostly I feel peace. I’ve had a few moments of feeling overwhelmed and worried but then peace washes over me again and I feel certain that it will be ok.

I contacted my dr today about starting on Lovenox and progesterone. I think I want to try the prometrium again instead of pio. I asked him about not doing progesterone at all this time and just following my levels but he was uncomfortable with that idea. I’ve had problems maintaining a good progesterone level in my other pregnancies, even with supplemental shots and I think he’s right that I should just do it to be safe.

So that’s the scoop right now. I’m 4 weeks 1 day today. My starting weight is 148lbs. My hpt this morning was nice and dark. Much darker than the first one 2 days ago. Today I just felt mildly crampy in the morning and mildly queasy in the evening, thirsty and a gross taste in my mouth. I got up early to go with DH to his ct scan which went well but I’m pretty tired now so that’s all I’ve got for today to write.

Around 10:25am this morning, I found out some news. On vacation, in a restroom at Bluespring Caverns, I got a positive pregnancy test. And right now, I’m the only one who knows. Right now it’s just me and my baby and God.

Yes, my baby. Another baby. An unexpected and perfect little baby.

DH and I are visiting his family right now out of state. I’ve been waiting for AF to come and cramping like crazy (more than usual by far) and having a bad low back ache, intense mood swings, peeing constantly, low appetite, icky feeling in my stomach and an acne breakout. All of this can be attributed to AF coming, but usually my pms isn’t this intense.

On the way to visit our relatives, I picked up a huge box of tampons and some ibuprofen. To be ready, ya know. It crossed my mind to grab an hpt but, be serious. TMI but DH had his right testicle removed 3 weeks ago due to testicular cancer and we were just “trying things out” after the surgery to make sure everything still “works”. Well let me tell you, it still works. ๐Ÿ˜‚

So the reason I decided to buy a test this morning when I stopped at the dollar store is because I expected AF to show up before now and the pms symptoms have just been so extra this month. The reason I took the test at the cavern is because I was so worried someone would see the box or the wrapper or something if I took it back to the house with me. Boy that second line popped up in like 5 seconds! And it’s strong for 13dpo! I left the restroom all shaking and nervous and had to struggle to calm my breathing and heartbeat down while we went for a hike before our cavern tour. I said a quick prayer while I took the test and told God I’d be at peace with results either way. We weren’t really planning another baby (and had been preventing prior to DH having surgery) but we threw caution to the wind this month and wow. To be honest though, I had a feeling that this would happen again someday. It feels crazy and insane and ridiculous but it also feels right. I think no matter how much we feel pressure to be done having kids (what kind of weirdos have 5 kids?), DH and I have never fully believed we were done forever. Even if we tried to be and convinced ourselves that we should be for so many obvious reasons.

I haven’t told DH yet. I think I’ll probably wait until we go home. We are both horrible with secrets and now is NOT the time to tell everyone by accident. I’m kind of relishing being in my little bubble though and being the only one to know my secret. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I have to process this more. I need to get home and start my lovenox injections. Figure out the due date. Breathe. I’ve ovulated 3 times since Quayd was born with a 7 day luteal phase the first month, 11 days the second month and that’s why at 13dpo, I felt suspicious. You just never know what God’s plans are for your life and as unprepared as I was for this, I feel peace and joy about it. It feels right. It’s good. Praise the Lord. โค๏ธ

DH had his post op appointment and everything looks good. He’s healing well, off restrictions except that he can’t lift anything that makes him strain excessively. Physically he’s almost back to normal. He feels good and is getting his stamina back. We’ve been going on hikes with the kiddos and he’s been fishing etc and having pretty normal energy levels.

Unfortunately the mass came back as cancer. Seminoma. The dr is fairly certain that he got it all out and said it’s a good thing we caught it so early because another 6 months could have been a different story. As of right now, he doesn’t expect DH to need further treatment. However, he does have a scan scheduled for tomorrow and repeat labs to make sure the tumor markers are going down. Every 6 months for 5 years DH is supposed to get a scan and labs. Hopefully nothing pops up in that time period and we can put this whole thing behind us.

Thank you everyone for praying. DH is so appreciative of all the thoughts and prayers. He’s had such a great recovery, God has really blessed him. โค๏ธ

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