Archives for posts with tag: mom

I grew up very sheltered.

That’s actually an understatement.

I was homeschooled and there were times that, aside from going to church on Sunday, I didn’t leave the house for weeks or even a month at a time. I feel, as an adult, that it affected my ability to form friendships with people because I usually go through this incredibly awkward phase when meeting new people. I don’t know what to say and I get so nervous that I stutter and it’s embarrassing. Once I am around them awhile, and especially if they are good at making conversation, I feel much better. And actually, I think I am beginning to improve in this area. But it has definitely taken concentrated effort from me. Part of that is my personality, I’m sure. But I definitely think some of it comes from not having a whole lot of experience in social settings.

Side note: I don’t regret the fact that I was homeschooled. That wasn’t an issue. In fact, I actually liked that aspect of my life a lot because I didn’t have to get up super early every day and we often got extra time off from our homework because we were able to finish early. I graduated a year early too, so that was nice. One thing that I would maybe change for myself and would definitely do differently for my children if I homeschool them, would be to use different curriculum. I had to get my GED because the curriculum we used did not give us a diploma, even though we had good grades. It just wasn’t part of the program. I passed my GED easily but I always felt a bit embarrassed that I didn’t have an actual diploma. I know I shoudn’t feel that way and I don’t feel that way about other people who work hard to get their GED…. Anyway…..

My parents, espescially my mom, worked hard to shelter us from bad influences. I respect them for that. At the same time, I feel like I can speak from my past experience that issolating (versus protecting) your children from virtually everyone may keep them from learning things you don’t want them to learn, but only for a time. Kids form their own ideas and opinions about things and what they asssume to be true may very well end up being worse than the actual truth. That is why I will always try to be open and honest with my kids about the hard to talk about things, like drugs and sex and so on. I’m not sure what the appropriate age is to talk about these things with your kids but I know I certainly had some ideas about what sex was by the time I was 10 years old. When my kids ask me about it, I hope I will be able to explain these things to them in an age appropriate but honest way.

Even though I appreciate how hard my mom (and dad in his own, less extreme way) worked to keep us safe and innocent, I really don’t ever want my kids to live that shut off and recluse of a life. I was lonely sometimes. It helped a LOT that I had siblings. However, there is 5.5 years betweeen me and my older sister and almost 5 years between me and my next younger sister so I didn’t really have anyone my age to talk to, though I was/am very close to my sisters. I did have friends but I just didn’t see them often enough. When we finally did have plans to get together with friends, I was always grounded because I was a rather angry and mouthy teen (cussing my parents out would be the tip of the iceberg, unfortunately). It is/was obvious to me why I was so angry… because I was mad that I could never do anything or go many places. I just don’t think my mom was able to understand that because she grew up so differently that maybe she didn’t realize how it would feel to be that closed off. My younger siblings have SO MUCH more freedom than I ever did!

I think a big part of why my mom kept me at home so much was fear… Fear because she had bad past experiences. Fear because of things that happened to her sisters. I get that. And being vigilant is a good thing and I hope to always be aware and vigilant so I don’t put my children in compromising situations. But letting fear take over and letting it dictate your life is never a good thing. I don’t blame my mom at all and I’m not mad at her. I know she was just trying to keep her kids safe so they wouldn’t face any bad situations. She loves us and wanted to protect us. That I understand. But you can take a good thing way too far. Which I also understand. As a parent now myself, I am able to give her grace for her mistakes as a parent because this job is hard and I get that now. I struggle with my own fears for my children, which are different than hers but just as present, I would imagine.

I’m not really sure what I’m even trying to say here. I guess I’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately and trying to use my childhood experiences to say “This is what was good and this is what I didn’t like. What can I do to find the right balance for my children?”

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Oh my little Levi, how are you already 20 months old?! I mean, I know how it is scientifically possible that 20 months have passed since you were born, but you are almost 2 years old! Already! 

I always thought that Levi was going to be my mellow child who listened well and didn’t pop an attitude. Because I obviously didn’t know my child, at all! This boy is my kid who gives me the worst little pout face and refuses to be serious when I reprimand him. He goes from frowning at me to smiling while I am mid-scentence telling him no. I can’t keep a straight face when he does that! Ha Ha. 😉 But all in all, he really does listen pretty well for a 1 and a half year old. 

And he is smart! So smart. A lot of stuff he knows because he follows Tru around all day and repeats everything he says and tries to do everything Tru can do. They are like peanut butter and jelly from the moment they wake up in the morning until they go to bed. Whichever one wakes up first, they are always running to the other’s bedroom looking for eachother. They do play pretty well but we have a fair amount of fighting over toys and just fighting in general. Levi’s retaliation right now is to bite Tru. Lots of times lately I hear Tru yelling “No bite, baby! No bite me!” and I run to grab Levi away. I’m not sure what to do to get him past this phase. I vaugly remember Tru doing some minor biting but I think it was a short time before he stopped. 

A few days ago we were getting ready to leave the house and I gave the boys their socks to put on. Now, Tru has been able to put on his own socks since before he was a year old. Levi? Not yet. But that’s because we never give him the opportunity to try! He’s not as set on being independent as Tru has always been so he doesn’t fight us helping him with things usually. So, he sat there struggling and Tru just couldn’t handle watching the painstaking process and he tried to help Levi. But Levi started yelling at him and running away with the socks to try again elsewhere. Tru started crying to me that he just wanted to help “baby” and I told him that Levi needed to try on his own. Tru said something like “He’s just a baby! He can’t do it. I can. I’m a big boy!” In that moment I saw the emotions I feel, coming from Tru. It’s hard watching your baby grow up. Sometimes there’s a bit of denial there. Sometimes I just want to freeze these years in time because they are already going so fast. But there is the whole other side where I am just wildly thrilled to watch them growing and learning how to do things on their own. But the most exciting part for me is watching their personalities develop….

And that is the biggest thing with Levi right now. He’s not acting like a baby much at all anymore. He’s becoming a “big boy” and it’s so fun to see! The one babyish habit that Levi hasn’t quite kicked yet is nursing. Lately he goes a day or two without and then decides he needs to check back in for a couple minutes. I can still express a bit of milk if I try. Interestingly, it looks like colostrum again. ?? I tell him no when he says “boob” a lot of the time but I really don’t care to nurse him if we are at home or if he gets hurt or is sad. 

As far as speech goes, Levi says everything he wants to say but usually just 1 or 2 words at a time. Which I guess is probably on track for his age. He gets his point across, that’s for sure! He definitely has a quiet, contemplative side but he also has a really loud voice and he’s not afraid to use it in case you didn’t hear him the first time. 😉 

I think he is starting to call himself by his name sometimes. Or rather Vevi, since that is what Tru calls him a lot. The other day my dad asked Tru “Who is that?” pointing to Levi and Tru said “That’s baby”. My dad said “I thought he had another name. Isn’t his name Vivi?” And Tru said very adamantly “No. His name is VEVI!” We also call him “nugget” quite a bit and I thought I heard Levi call himself nugget once. Poor kid probably doesn’t know his real name! I jest, I jest…. 
One of the most exciting developments recently is that Levi now says “wovou” (love you) and “wovou too”! I think he’s probably been saying it awhile but I didn’t realize that’s what he was trying to say until I told him “mommy loves you” while I had him on the changing table getting him ready for bed and he said “wovou too”. I seriously melted!! He also grabs my face and gives me kisses and hugs and is very loving with Tru also. They kiss each others boo boos and Tru will even cry more if Levi won’t kiss him better. 🙂 

Dear God, what a gift to be watching my Promised Gift learn and grow day by day. I’m so thankful for the joy of being his mother. I pray that You will protect him and watch over him. I pray that You will help us to raise him up to be loving and kind. Respectful and honest. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

I don’t know if I’ve ever waited this long to start Christmas shopping in my entire adult life. I usually start to feel waves of panic by September. Here we are in mid November already. Ha! But anyway, yesterday we went to find DH a pair of dress shoes and I ended up with a full cart of Christmas presents. I got most of the gifts bought that we needed to pick up for DH’s family and today I picked up a few more for other people. I don’t know what we are going to get the boys. They don’t need a darn thing. I got them each a dvd today with kid shows and I plan to do the box with the jammies, movie, popcorn etc again this year. That was a MAJOR hit with Tru last year and he still asks to sit on the couch and eat “popcorns” and still loves to watch his “Christmas doggy movie” (Olive, The Other Reindeer) They get so much stuff from everyone else that I don’t really know what to get them myself. Which is a GOOD problem to have. 😉 

We didn’t have a Christmas tree last year because with one baby crawling and a very curious toddler,, it didn’t feel feasible without putting a gate around the tree. (BOO) So, we chose to sit the year out without a tree. It was a bit depressing. But this year, we are looking forward to picking out a tree, maybe next week. I pointed the trees out to Tru today when we saw some at the store and he seemed excited about buying one soon. (We always do a real tree) I think Levi will do fine around it. We may have a couple incidents but I expect he will know not to touch it. Tru has also been excitedly pointing out all the decorated houses when we are driving. He LOVES the lights and talks about his lights at home that my dad gave us recently. One of those star shower things. Tru and Levi are obsessed right now with sitting in the bedroom with it plugged in so DH pulled us up some songs on ytube and we danced around pretending the lights were a disco ball. Fun times. Toddlers are so fun!! I love this stage. (I say that with every new stage, I know.) 

I am currently on CD37, 17-18dpo (or at least what I assumed was o – I guess it wasn’t?) and have had several BFNs and one sketchy second line of undeterminable color on $.88 WM tests and one really disheartening ‘NO -‘ on a FRER digi. So I don’t know what’s up with that… At least this has kicked my butt in the right direction since I think I am going to schedule a check up with my RE’s office because something just isn’t feeling right with my left ovary. And I know it had a cyst on it a few weeks ago at my yearly with my gyno. That probably needs looked at…and is also the likely culprit for the delayed cycle, as much as I really wish this time I could be one of those unicorn ladies who failed to pee hcg and went to the gyno only to find out she’s like 8 weeks pregnant afterall. Hey, a girl can dream, right? 

Oh! But here’s some good news! DH got a promotion at work and is moving up to the office now from driving truck. He is super excited. It does come with a tidy little pay increase which is great because DH almost always works 50 hour weeks with some 56 hour weeks thrown in there, so now that he is going to the office, he won’t have to work overtime very often (YES!!!) but will come out just a tad under what he usually makes. It’s super! His hours are changing also which is both good and bad but mostly it’s good because maybe he will finally get more sleep. 🙂 We went to buy his new “office boy” clothes yesterday and he does look really cute in his dress pants and button ups. 

And as for piggerstien, he is doing well but keeps getting out of his pen and I just don’t.know.where. I have fortified every bit of that pen and there is no evidence as to how he gets out. Maybe pigs are flying now? He ran over to our neighbors a few days ago and we had no idea where we went. DH’s cousin sent me a text and asked if our pig was missing. I told her YES, he was gone when we came home and we had no idea where he was. She sent back that she saw a post on FB in a county group that someone had a random pig show up at their house. And yes, it was ours. So crazy how information can get around so quickly in our world now! I went and got him the next day and, after some adding of boards, thought I had his pen hog-tight. But tonight he escaped yet again and thankfully DH saw him and put him back. The bottom line – pigs make cute pets, funny pets, interesting pets, great food scrap eating pets, but in general – not a great pet. So much trouble! Crazy pig. 

I love to coupon. I do. I get sort of a rush out of looking at my receipt after checking out and seeing my total coupon savings. It’s not that I’m looking for freebies or trying to cheat the system. But companies offer their coupons so you’ll try their product and maybe become a repeat customer. Which has been the case for me many many times. I’m not a coupon stacker and I don’t have 25 bottles of ketchup. But if it’s something we need and I have a coupon, that’s great! 
I like to clip coupons, find coupons on store apps, use rebates, google coupons and promo codes ect. I use coupons for everything! Clothes, food, car parts, oil changes, furniture, home improvement supplies, admission tickets and the list goes on. I’m also a points junkie and love to use my credit card points toward hotel nights, flights, car rentals, gas and so on. I think you get the point (pun intended)… I like to save a buck. And I like to save my friends and family money too. 
So, the other day I was getting ready to leave to take Tru to his swim lesson. I looked down at my phone for a minute; A place where I often find coupons and promo codes. Tru asked me “What are you looking for? A coupon on my swim lesson?” I couldn’t help but laugh! My 3 year old has even picked up on my couponing obsession… er, affection. The best part? I actually had already had the huge fortune of getting this months swim lessons completely free using…. coupons!! 🙂 

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