4 Weeks Pregnant

Written 12-18-22. Updated 2-2-23. This pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 9 weeks.

Tomorrow is 5 weeks, Lord willing, so just a quick recap.

On 13dpo I had my hcg and progesterone levels drawn so I could start care with my Dr. The beta came back at 103, which is good. The progesterone actually never resulted due to insufficient sample, or something. On 16dpo I had the second draw with beta of 366 and progesterone 20.4. The Dr was satisfied with these results, so he had me schedule for Jan 3rd at 7+1 for ultrasound. I’m on my shots and progesterone supplements, 200mg am and 400mg pm.

My main symptoms this week have been extreme thirst/cotton mouth. Waking up to pee several times a night and guzzle more water because my throat is so insanely dry. Also my nose is stuffy and throat is irriated in the mornings. Restless legs/feet is already starting also. I’ve had days with very little queasiness and days with periods of motion sick feeling. Metallic taste in my mouth. Heartburn. I’ve still been able to drink coffee but this morning I couldn’t finish it. Cramps off and on. Suddenly covered in acne, ew. Absolutely freezing cold and cannot get warm. Usually I’m always hot and we keep the temp in our house 67°, but right now I’m bundled in 2 layers of socks and my heavy bathrobe most of every day.

So, my starting weight is 160-164, depending on the day. I’m watching my carbs and sugar intake like crazy because this is 12+lbs above my starting weight with Destin and I haven’t been watching my weight well because of breastfeeding and not wanting to tank my milk by losing weight, which I’ve done before, sadly. Destin weaned himself in Oct though. So it’s all good but I do need to watch my weight gain.

We are really busy getting ready for Christmas, which I’m thankful for. Hopefully time passes without stress before the ultrasound. I’m trying not to think too much about everything. My main priority is getting through Christmas without anyone finding out. My mom saw my bruises the other day and asked if I was on my shots and pregnant. I just told her we’ll see! I mean, she could tell I was by my answer but also that I didn’t want to talk about it yet. So she didn’t ask me anything else, which was probably hard for her. I just feel incredibly scared to talk about it, so I haven’t told anyone at all, except Matt and the Dr, of course. It feels so delicate and fragile that I just can’t even think about telling anyone yet. I don’t even know when I will want to. After a couple good ultrasounds, Lord willing? I don’t know. Obviously my stretched out belly can’t hide a baby for long, especially from the boys. I’m also worried about having another sch. I’ve had increasingly more severe sch with each of the last 3 kids, so I’m definitely worried about that happening.

I ordered a new doppler this week. My sister is borrowing mine and I don’t want to ask for it back while she’s using it, so I figured I’d just get a new one.

Dear God, thank You for this special baby and the life You’ve given it. Please protect and sustain it’s life according to Your will. Please help us to get safely and happily to a healthy full term birth. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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Pregnancy Test Comparison By Brands

I’m writing this in December in the early days of pregnancy, with the hopes that by the time it posts, I’ll have posted a happy announcement.

UPDATE: This pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 9 weeks, but I’m still publishing this for my memories.

Ok, so my experiment started at 9dpo when I decided to test with the only 25miu Wondfo I had. And this test had been around for awhile, it had even left my possession and done some traveling and come back to me months later when the person I gave it to ended up not needing it. So it was a well traveled test and therefore the grayish shadow that appeared couldn’t be trusted. 😆

If you don’t see anything there, don’t feel bad. Neither do I. Even in real life, it was very questionable if there was actually a shadow or just my eyes playing tricks on me.

But thankfully I had several leftover internet cheapie tests laying around, and thus began my test comparison experiment.

I had one Easy@Home 25miu which I think was expiring this month. I pulled it out of the wrapper and it had some defect on the edge of it, so I decided it wouldn’t be trustworthy but I dipped it anyway, just cause. (smu, for those wondering) I also had 2 EZ Level 25miu tests (which I’m pretty sure are made by Pregmate, but I could be wrong) and a few One Step 10miu tests which I’ve had forever and usually don’t use them because they’re ridiculously narrow and I can hardly read the results. But they were still in date, as were the EZ Level tests. I also had a brand new pack of Wondfo 10miu that I had just received the day before.

So I dipped them all and waited, expecting nothing. This is what I got:

Eyes that are trained to the faintest of faint lines may be able to detect something on these, Especially the Easy@Home. If you don’t see anything, don’t feel bad. They’re near invisible. The One Step 10miu had absolutely nothing at all. EZ Level always seem to have a grayish line for me, so I certainly couldn’t call that a positive.

So, as you may or may not be able to see, I needed to test with something “trusted” in order to confirm. This is when I had to think up an excuse to go get some more tests without tipping Matt off just yet. Under the guise of finishing Christmas shopping, which was necessary anyway, I grabbed a box of Clearblue Early (25 miu?) and a box of Clearblue Digital (website says 25miu in the USA),  *just in case*, and the First Signal $.88 tests which have never failed me. It was late afternoon/evening by the time I took these. These are the results…

At first glance, it’s negative. And I see nothing in this picture. In real life there was a line that may have literally just been an indent. I certainly wouldn’t have called it a positive. Maybe a reason to retest in a couple days but not a positive.

The digital said “Not Pregnant”, so I wasn’t sure what was up at that point. But I still had the Fist Signal, so I tried it later in the evening. *It’s important to note that I’d been basically dehydrated all afternoon, so the Clearblue was with probably the most concentrated pee.*

Like, that’s not even that hard to see. I feel like it’s a decent line, really. So, these tests are STILL my favorite, the most sensitive apparently, and the earliest clear positive result. $.88 tests for the WIN!!

Of the internet cheapie, Easy@Home was the winner. I wished I had more than one, for progression. But I did continue the next day (10dpo) with Wondfo 10miu and One Step 10miu and my last EZ Level 25miu.

Wondfo gave an easily visible line

I wouldn’t have considered the One Step to be positive, but there was definitely something there

EZ Level gave an even better line than Wondfo

On 10dpo I also used the second digital test.

There’s no denying that!!!

On 11dpo I used the last Clearblue Early, just to see if it had progressed yet and, wow, yeah there was a nice dark line! I also used a Wondfo 10miu and OneStep 10miu.

So I think the Clearblue and Wondfo are actually close to equal strength at this point. Now I’m wondering what my actual hCG levels were! The One Step was obvious but still faint. So I do not recommend those since clearly you can find out sooner on tons of other brands.

OneStep at 11dpo

Not Trying/Not Preventing And The Subsequent Big Fat Positive

First written on 12-9-22. Updated 2-2-23… this pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 9 weeks. 😞

I’m prefacing this by saying, I like to think that Matt and I are rational people and obviously we know that 5 kids is more than the socially accepted “normal” limit. (Believe me, we are aware! 🤣) Also I think that because I have 9 siblings, 5 kids isn’t as overwhelming for me as it might be for someone else, and that’s just how it is.

Given the surprise pregnancy in March 2022 and the tragic loss that resulted and left a void, I couldn’t reconcile in my heart to just be done without giving a chance to the future I’d grown attached to in March. And I knew also that it was basically now or never as the age gap between Destin and any possible future baby was only getting bigger with each passing month and I definitely prefer them to be close in age, personally.

Therefore in Oct, after months of discussion and prayers, we took a break from preventing. I intended to not try but not prevent for 3 cycles. Then if nothing happened, I’d at least know we kinda gave it a shot.

First cycle, nothing. No surprise there.

Second cycle, 9dpo, I woke up one morning and decided to test. I wasn’t planning to test yet but Matt brought it up and I was having some pretty suspicious *symptoms for the last 2 days (which really means nothing because I get symptoms before AF like every month, including nausea,) but I figured why not. I had a few old internet cheapie tests in the closet, one expiring this month and a new pack that had just come in the mail the day before.

The first test had a shadow of a line but I felt no excitement over it because it truly didn’t look positive. Just to prove to myself that it was just an old, expiring, untrustworthy test, I dipped some of the other assorted ICs and got a faint shadow on 4 out of 5. At this point, I felt like maybe this was a real positive? But maybe not? I wasn’t sure.

I needed some “real”, “official” tests, so I took Zane with me to finish up Christmas shopping and grab some legit tests. In the afternoon/evening, I tested with the shiny new tests. I was rather surprised to see the Clearblue pink dye test come up with nothing more than a faint faint faint, maybe slightly pink shadow, which really could have just been an indent. Honestly, it was basically negative. Likewise, the CB digital was also “Not Pregnant”. I was so confused by then, maybe the ICs had been wrong? So I tried one more… the old faithful $0.88 First Signal test. And it was positive! Not sorta, not kinda, not just barely, but actually a real legit, “yes I am”, positive!

Well, it was more impressive in real life. 🤣

Subsequent internet cheapies and a second CB digital the following day confirmed, yes indeed, there is someone growing!!

Call me dense but every time this happens I’m just like HOW????!!! I mean, 5 years of really trying – timed ic, clomid, iui, ivf.. how does it become “We stopped preventing for 2 months and we’re pregnant!” All I can tell you is, only God!

And of course I feel all the emotions… I haven’t forgotten what happened last time. I feel really guarded. But I’m also at peace at the same time. I’m not oblivious either that yes, we do have so much going on! Getting Quayd to therapy has become my full time job. I also homeschool, 5 days a week! There’s cleaning, cooking, getting everyone to all the places they need and want to go. There’s relationships with God and family that need cultivated and tended… with Matt and I and between us and the kids etc. It’s a lot!! It is! Sometimes it’s like, eek! But it’s also really good!! And then today one of the boys started rambling, TWO SEPARATE TIMES, completely of his own accord, about us needing to have another baby and what he hoped we would name it etc and it just confirmed again that, yes, this is right for us. It’s not for everybody and I get that. But I also hate feeling the pressure from everyone to be done because it’s “too much” (you’re not the one raising them! Ok?) or it’s “too many” (really? Says who? Who decided the perfect acceptable number of kids that you can have before you’re a *weirdo*?) It feels perfect to me, so there’s that. 😉

Anyway, moving on, I am somewhere around 11dpo now. I assume I’ll need labs soon to confirm. I have started my usual meds and whatnot. I’m just trying to keep as calm as I can and just take it one day at a time. I’m happy with each test that is darker than the one before, showing that the tiny person is getting comfy, I hope. I’m in this with God!

*symptoms* dry cotton mouth, excessive thirst, peeing a lot at night, queasy, LESS acne and rash than I usually have before my period, pelvic heaviness/soreness at times, cramps at 8dpo and an intense period of nausea at 7dpo which may have been unrelated.