Archives for the month of: February, 2016

Because you want to hear all about our barfing… I need to get it off my chest. And also ask for more prayers! I have had just about enough of this sickness! But it’s not all over just yet. DH threw up between 15-20 times yesterday in about 9+ hours. Tru threw up about 15 times from 5:45pm when he woke up from a nap, until about midnight. Levi, whom I thought was done with being sick since he hadn’t thrown up in almost 48 hours, threw up again last night all down my body. Head to tow. Literally, even on my face/lip. I ended up being thrown up on multiple times yesterday. It was so fun – NOT! Poor little guys. And Levi continued the diarrhea into today as well so he is on day 3! I nursed him throughout the night a few times and all morning to keep him hydrated. I tried to convince DH to go to the ER last night for some fluids and anti-nausea meds but he wouldn’t. Tru kept throwing up whether I let him drink between or not so I did let him take sips of water or breastmilk a few times. My mom ended up going to get us a variety of rehydration drinks, soup, jello, tea etc in the middle of the night. Bless her! I moved the spare bed mattress to the family room and covered the top part in bath towels so I could peel off a layer when needed… Poor Tru. Throwing up was so traumatizing for him over and over and over. I slept on the mattress with the boys while DH suffered alone in our room. I’ve thrown in 5 loads of laundry last night and this morning trying to get caught up on all the grossness. I still have another load to go. So today DH and Levi are still having yucky stuff going on. Tru seems really tired but somewhat better. I am queasy and terrified. I hate throwing up more than almost anything. Absolutely hate it. Hate.It.

What is the deal with this winter?! We are not usually sick this often. The boys and I are finally about 90% over the colds we’ve had the last THREE weeks, but yesterday Levi came down with a stomach virus. He woke up in a pile of throw up from sometime in the night. So horribly gross and scary! He had loose bowels which morphed into full blown diarrhea. Not DH has it too. Levi didn’t act too sick or run a fever but DH feels terrible. My tummy is queasy and crampy now and I’m so scared!! I’m also bummed out to be missing church for the third week in a row. 😦 If you don’t mind to say some prayers for us, we would appreciate it.

So, I have a bit of a situation. Since switching Tru from the bottle for his milk to the sippy cup for both milk and water, he has lost 2-3 pounds. Pounds which he gained, I believe, because of the breastmilk I was giving him 3+ times a day in his bottle which he chugged right down with no problems. He has been without bottle for almost a month and he still asks for them even though I don’t give them to him at all. I bought him several different kinds of cups… that’s an understatement really. He has a ton of different cups, including the exciting new “Elmo” cup I bought him last week. Soft spout, hard spout, straw, 360 – None of them encourage him to drink his milk any better. I have resorted to making him sit on the couch and drink his milk, but he almost NEVER finishes it and we waste quite a bit of breastmilk which is super not cool. Anyway, Tru was slow to gain weight in the months leading up to having Levi but once Levi was born and I started pumping for Tru, he gained about 8 pounds in 10 months. That was fantastic! He was a great weight and didn’t have any weight to spare. I can see that he lost weight in his face now. So, I’m at a crossroads right now… Do I just give him his milk in the bottle again – I mean, it’s only 3 times a day for a few minutes per time and he gets the calories and milk he needs so he can gain weight and be healthy – or, do I push forward with the socially accepted cups sine he is obviously wayyyyy too old to be taking a bottle, and just hope that he will start drinking his milk from the cups eventually and not lose any more weight? What would you do?

Sometimes being a mommy to these two little guys is so exhausting that I just feel like I can’t think. I get terribly overwhelmed some days which makes me feel like a totally pathetic weakling. I mean, really? They are so small and there’s only 2 of them. It can’t be that hard! And yet, today I actually found myself texting DH asking if there was any way he could come home an hour early because I was just at my wits end. I don’t know if I’ve ever asked him to come home early before but today I am so tired… I actually had to stop and think how to spell Truett’s name. That tired. For real. Which is partly my fault because I stayed up too late last night and then when I went to bed, Tru woke up having a coughing fit and I had to get up to take care of him so it was around 2:30am when I finally went to bed. And of course both kids got up early today. It’s days like these that make me think, I’m not ready to have another baby yet. I started thinking about how being pregnant makes me so tired and having a newborn waking me up all night is seriously the most exhausting thing in the world. But those thoughts took me back to when I found out I was pregnant with Levi and suddenly, I was fine with having another baby… Because, no matter how much they get on my last nerve and no matter how tired I get some days and no matter that there are definitely times I just have to put the kids in their beds and walk away for a few minutes to get myself together… They are so precious and so adorable and they fill my life with so many smiles and laughs and happy tears. I love being a mommy and even though I’m not thrilled with the level 10 exhaustion that comes with it – specifically when I’ve not had enough sleep – they make every day so beautiful. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Not even on a day like this.

Otherwise known as the post about poop, butts and boogers. Enjoy.

LEVI:

The poor kid has a terrible diaper rash, as I have mentioned before. This is an ongoing issue and I have been working so hard to identify what is causing it and help him get relief. Actually, most days it doesn’t bother him too much if at all but there are some days when it is clearly hurting the poor little guy like last night when he was screaming and I had to put him in the bath to soothe him. I have spent roughly $70+ on anything and everything that looks promising. So far we have tried: Motherlove Diaper Rash and Thrush, Honest Co Diaper Rash Cream, store brand Baby Aquafor, Honest Co Organic Healing Balm, Nystatin Cream (2xdayx10days), Clotrimazole cream (store brand Lotrimin AF), Organic Virgin Coconut Oil topically and orally, Probiotics topically and orally, store brand Diaper Rash cream and Ointment, Grapefruit Seed extract, TFY Nursing Cream Nipple butter, Baby Powder….. The thing that has brought the most success is the homemade cream which is 1tbsp Coconut oil, 1/2tsp baby Probiotics, and 20 drops of grapefruit seed extract. That applied for about 3 days almost completely cleared up the secondary yeast rash he had/has. The yeast looks to be mostly gone now, however, I finally had his butt looking about 80% normal and… he pooped. I changed him promptly but he was terribly red already. I think he pooped again later that day…. all I know is, he blistered. Oozing raw blisters. SO, the primary cause of the rash MUST be food allergies/intolerance. The poor kid is already picky (although he is getting slightly more adventurous now) and now I’ve had to pull pretty much every possible food allergen (a.k.a. FOOD) out of his diet so I can trial each thing individually. Fun times. We are doing no dairy and no wheat right now. He is still having fruit, veggies, beans and meats. Fruits and veggies aren’t really his thing right now. He does eat them but he doesn’t love them like his Yo Baby yogurt and Gerber Ravioli which are seriously some of the only things he will reliably eat. In the meantime while we wait out any possible common food allergens, I have an order in for some kids digestive enzyme supplements in case he does have an allergy. So, I have an 11 month old and I’m having to hope I still have enough breastmilk to keep him from getting too hungry on his “diet”. I do just want to say, that recipe I listed above worked really fast for getting rid of the yeast. And I’m continuing that while I work to get rid of the rest of this rash so we can hopefully prevent further breakouts of the yeast. Because yeast is a beast and it’s disgusting!!

TRU:

This boy has been diaper free (except naps and nights) for 2.5 weeks. I am so happy! He has even had 2 dry nights! He is doing great with peeing and is even starting to tell me more often if he needs to go. He doesn’t like to go when he is in the middle of doing stuff and that has resulted in quite a few minor accidents (a.k.a. dribbles). Like while he’s watching TV… But, he goes to the stores and everything wearing his undies and goes in the public bathrooms, which is a bit challenging at times because he wants to hold on to the toilet seat. But it’s all good…. Poop though, we have problems with that. Tru has had 4 successes with poop. The rest have been accidents. He holds it back sometimes. He isn’t scared to go on the toilet but he seems to think it’s really gross. Ya know, grosser than going in your undies. He yells for me from the bathroom “Mom! Yuck!! It’s gross!!” When he does go on the toilet, we have to leave the bathroom and close the door until he’s done. He does not want an audience. My sister made him an Elmo Chart that he can put a sticker on when he goes on the toilet and he really has fun with that. It’s a good motivation even though he can play with stickers any time he wants. Haha. 😉

Me:

Now that I have updated everyone on both of my kid’s butts, I’ll do a quick update on myself. I am finally getting closer to being done with the cold-turned-minor-sinus-infection that I have been battling the last 2.5 weeks. I finally caved and bought one of those disgusting sinus rinse things. Like a neti pot. I can’t believe how wonderful it is to just wash your nose out! I mean, it takes away the congestion right away and gives you at least an hour of relief from the pressure before the boogs fill your sinuses up again. Too bad the babies couldn’t use one for their nose problems but they are also mostly better now. I thought I had ovulated this month already but I’ve got that familiar pain in my side, so I’m guessing I haven’t yet. I am consistently starting really late but not being pregnant and it’s super annoying to be late and have to take negative tests every few days because if I ever was to get pregnant again, of course I’d have to start Lovenox immediately so I can’t just wait and see every month. I was 7ish days late last month and 9 the month before. It’s not like it’s the same number of days late every month either. It’s usually 6-9ish. And, I had positive OPKs the first 2 months back to TTC so I think I am still ovulating just seriously late in the month. I am still not taking OPKs or tracking cycle days, but from when I usually think I ovulated to when AF comes is pretty much 13 days lately when I count back. So I guess it’s all fine and dandy that I’m having long cycles since they don’t appear to be annovulatory? Who knows! Anyway, I do my best not to think about and/or worry about all of it. It takes too much out of me mentally and emotionally to give it too much thought. But eventually I might make an appointment to see my RE just for a checkup especially since I’ve had pain off and on in my left ovary area ever since the cyst I had several months ago. Oh also, DH hasn’t taken that home sperm test yet and I still have mixed feelings about it so I haven’t asked him to. It sits on our counter or in the cupboard and just kind of gets shuffled around. It’s clearly in the way (eye roll) and I should probably just sell it on ebuy.

In non-reproductive news, I have been redoing my bedroom which I actually never painted it or anything before. The house is 20+ years old and needs some updating here and there. And our bedroom set was a hand-me-down that was already old when DH got it as a kid. We threw out the headboard the other day and I have a new DYI headboard I made recently which I hope to hang this weekend when DH can help me with it. We also bought a new mattress as ours was 7 years old and a total hammock. I bought paint for our room months ago and I’m just waiting for the perfect day when all is right in the world and the stars align so I can mud the walls and paint. I can’t wait to do the unveiling! But true to nature, I didn’t take a before photo with the monstrous headboard…

I think that’s about enough for one giant update. Talk later… 🙂

We have just had a quiet and relaxing day so far. It’s actually been pretty fun! 🙂 We are still sick so we stayed home from church today. The kids and I have coughs/ congestion and it’s crazy cold out. DH and I opted not to brave the crowded restaurants this weekend and wait until next weekend to go out for Valentine’s Day. Then this afternoon it started DUMPING snow and it hasn’t stopped so there would be no sense in risking our lives to go eat right now anyway. For you Northerners reading this, we are having a SNOWPOCALYPSE, ok? Like we are probably going to have some odd 8 inches when this is over. BIG SNOW!!

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One of our snow covered yard lights

Enough about the weather! We spent the morning just hanging out and eating breakfast, taking care of the kids, etc. I dyed my hair brown to cover up a botched dye attempt that left my hair orange. Like… anyway….Then DH went to work on some projects while I made Valentine’s cards with Tru. 6 of them!!! He was having so much fun so we just kept coloring, gluing and cutting out hearts. 🙂 He loves putting wobbly eyes on everything!

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Can I just say how impressed I am with the hair and faces he drew entirely on his own!! I didn't even tell him what to draw, he just knew. This card is for Dada.

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Levi eating everything in sight! So happy.

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The brown hair. You can't see my nose right now... red!!

When we got tired of that craft, we had a snack and decided to use one of the Easter egg coloring kits that I bought YEARS ago, before we even had kids. It was so fun to finally use one of the kits with my own little guy. Levi watched all this from his high chair while he ate and ate and ate which I was so thrilled about because neither of the boys have ate much at all while they’ve been sick and it’s been concerning me.

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Using the egg stickers on cardstock for a poster.

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Don't worry, I was right there while we worked on the eggs.

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THEN, Tru pooped on the potty chair which I was super excited about because even though this is day 7 of being diaper free except naps and nighttime, Tru still has been afraid to poop on the potty chair. This has resulted in him having at least one poo accident a day. Generally he has had only 2 pee accidents and usually it’s just a bit and then he catches himself. I am SOOOO happy that he finally had a success!! He thought it was gross and I think he thought it was a bad thing at first that he had went on the toilet but I made a HUGE deal out of it calling Grandmom and letting him watch cartoons and eat popcorn. Which is pretty much his favorite thing ever and I’ve been telling him all week that he can watch TV and eat popcorn when he goes poo on the potty chair. 🙂

That was probably wayyyy more information than anyone wanted to know but I am just so super happy about it. 🙂 Hoping we continue with the success! Tru is in the habit of putting on undies every morning now and seems really adjusted to it already. We actually braved the grocery store for a couple hours the other day and took him to the toilet twice there. 🙂

We just finished out the day with a nice warm bath for the boys and they are ready for bed after a snack. 🙂 I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine’s Day.

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This month has shown a HUGE leap in development for Tru. Suddenly he seems closer to 3 than 2 and is picking up on everything and learning very quickly. He has a strong interest in identifying colors, counting, and letters. He knows the letters T, R and O by sight and counts his toys all the time. “6,8,9,10”… It’s not perfect but it’s getting better. He can identify several colors now but his favorites seem to be green and blue although he points out pink, purple, and orange as well.

This month we said goodbye to bottles. I woke up one morning and just put his milk in a sippy cup and told him he was using a cup now. He had been taking his milk in a sippy cup for awhile but not consistently. He was not at all happy when he found out I wasn’t going to give him bottles at all anymore and melted down over it a few times for the next week. I think I gave him a bottle twice after that and one of those times was when he woke up in the night with a sore throat and crying. I just felt he needed the extra tlc. He doesn’t like to drink as much milk this way for whatever reason but I think it’s still enough.

Another big change for Tru this month is he is now diaper free during the day! That was another thing that I just woke up one morning without pre-planning it and told him he was wearing undies. I put undies on him with a plastic cover but he was peeing those like a diaper. I’ve read about the 3 day method but I just wasn’t liking the sound of having him pee everywhere. Nonetheless, I realized that we were going to have to ditch the plastic pants if we wanted to have success. To my surprise, he actually had less accidents and smaller accidents without the plastic pants. I guess because he felt it more and would stop himself. So the first  day  there had to be over a dozen pees in the undies and a couple poo. By mid afternoon he was asking for a diaper but I held out until bedtime. The next day he had only 3 accidents and no begging for a diaper that I remember. Day 3 he had 3 accidents but they were so minor it was only getting his undies a little wet but not soaking through to his pants. He doesn’t want to poo on the potty chair yet so that accounts for 1 accident a day as he’s so sneaky with that poo but I think he will get it soon. 🙂 We are on day 4 now and he is doing great. He hasn’t minded going to the toilet at all during this time and seems pretty proud of himself and his undies. 😉 I generally have to remind him to go to the bathroom because he usually doesn’t tell me so about every hour or so I ask him if he needs to go. He always manages to squeeze some out if I put him on the toilet. I wanted him to learn standing up because he’s tall enough and I thought it would be easier. He will go that way but he doesn’t seem to feel as comfortable with it so we are primarily sticking to having him sit for now on one of those small seats that goes over the adult seat. Because dumping out a kids potty chair really grosses me out so I’m not doing that. 😛

Let’s see…  We have some issues with him wanting to kick, push and sit on his brother. These don’t seem to be mean-spirited things as much as testing the limits, however, sometimes he is just doing it to be mean. Mostly though he loves his brother whom he still calls “baby” or “vavie”. Even DH calls Levi “Vie” now pretty much all the time just because of Tru giving him that nickname. They play together fairly well as long as Levi doesn’t steal Tru’s toys. Tru is good about giving Levi things to play with and sippy cups etc. They chase each other around the couch and Tru loves to do things that make Levi laugh. They talk to each other a lot and it seems like they almost get each other. When they are both awake, they are pretty much always together and Tru always wants to “get the baby” first thing in the morning when he gets up before Levi.

Tru mostly talks to us using real words but he talks to himself using his own language a lot. He sings his own made up songs and LOVES music. He always wants “SONG OFFFFF!” in the car which actually means he wants the songs on but for some reason after weeks of saying “off” and “on” appropriately, he mixed them up and always says “off” when he means “on” now.

He likes to read books and “builds” things out of mega blocks. He loves to color and use stickers and stamps. In general, he is an easy going, yet strong-willed kid. He  likes  to  “nuggle”  mommy  from  time  to  time  which  I  LOVE!!  🙂  But  he’s  definitely more and more of a big kid every day.

One last bit… I have been watching my cousin’s baby boy occasionally started when he was 4.5 months. The first morning I went in to get Tru out of bed and I was carrying baby N. Tru just looked at him a little confused but didn’t really say anything. A few minutes later Levi woke up and I went to get him out of bed. When Tru saw Levi he excitedly said “BIG BABY!!” Apparently he though Levi had shrunk down or something and wasn’t too pleased with it because he was awfully happy to see the “big baby”. 😉

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What Tru has to do while I get a shower. I have to keep it laid back or else he rocks across the room. 😛

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His hair was getting sooo long so I cut it...

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Before

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After

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We make cookies alot. After Tru fell off a chair once, we started doing all our baking on the floor.... the oven kills the germs.... right?

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One of the last bottles. See, way too old.

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But not too old to "nuggle" mom.

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And count blocks on fingers

Dear God, I am so happy to be on this parenting journey of raising this little man. I enjoy seeing all the new ways that he is learning and the way that he continually changes and grows in stature and personality. I’m so thankfully for the little person that You made him to be. I pray that I will always raise him right to walk in the ways that You want him to walk. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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I just don’t want to lay him down;
These days are going too fast.
I feel his babyhood slipping
Away from this mother’s grasp.

It’s right and natural he should grow up,
It makes me happy too.
But these days of sweet fresh innocence,
Are short and far too few.

If he’s the last fruit of my womb
that will be carried there,
If that’s what’s meant to be
I know I shouldn’t care.

It’s just this sweet smell of his;
the way he lays in my lap.
His soft purring little snore while he takes his bedtime nap.

I want to stay here all night long and wrap him in my love,
For he’s a very special gift
Sent down from God above.

My poor little boys are sick with a cold of sorts. Tru-Tru woke up about an hour after going to bed, crying and saying his throat hurts. 😦 I took his temperature since he felt hot although he hadn’t been hot earlier and it was 102.7. I gave him infant pain reliever, cold breast milk and held him till he fell asleep again. He’s sleeping with daddy now for the first time in a year. He will only fall asleep in our bed if he’s sick so you know he really feels bad when he actually goes to sleep in there.

Levi came down with a hoarse cough and runny nose 4 days ago and still has it mildly although he seemed almost better for 1 day. I think his throat was sore the first day but he didn’t have a fever. I keep hearing him cough in the night and it always worries me.

My throat has been sore since last night. Just hoping we will be over this soon. It’s always sad having sick babies and not knowing how they caught it and if it could have been avoided. :/

“I have said it and I will do it.”

Those are the words that the Lord spoke to me as I laid in my bed praying. I always reminded the Lord that He said He would give me the desires of my heart. Delight yourself also in the LordAnd He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

My heart desired a baby. Children of my own. I heard the Lord speak almost in an audible way that night. It caught me by surprise. I can’t remember hearing the Lord speak that way before but I cannot deny that it was the Lord.

“I have said it and I will do it.”

It didn’t happen right away. I doubted. A lot. My faith was weak. I stood in prayer line at church at some point. Our Pastor laid hands on me anointing me with oil. The congregation gathered around me calling out to the Lord. “I have so little faith.”, I cried. “Faith like a mustard seed is all it takes.”, Our Pastor answered. “…for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20

Another sunday before that, another prayer line. Our Pastor taught on the woman with the flow of blood. Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, came from behind and touched the border of His garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped.” Luke 8:43-45  I sat through the service crying. I had suffered for years with these vicious endo cycles. Staggering pain, cycles lasting 10-12 days. This wretched endo wasn’t helping my fertility any. I didn’t know what was preventing me from getting pregnant but this was terrible and it needed to be gone. Standing in the prayer line, our Pastor said: “You’re like the woman with the flow of blood aren’t you?” I cried. I was always crying.

How many years? How many prayer lines? How many times had I asked, even begged God for this one thing that almost everyone else that I knew had? I tried almost everything. Our first cycle of IVF failed and I was shattered. All 5 of our babies gone. How could this happen? I loved those babies. Here I was again, starting shots for our second IVF cycle. Was it even worth it? Would this time be the same as last?

Kim wanted me to come get you and tell you that you should come forward.” I sat there for a second. I had almost went forward myself. But I had stood in the prayer line so many times. DH and I had stood there, me crying – I always cried. Our church had laid hands on us so many many times, calling out to God on our behalf, being anointed with oil. I heard the testimonies of others who the Lord had blessed in some way. Why hadn’t He answered my prayer yet with a “yes”? Still, something made me get up and walk forward, again. I was anointed and prayed over again.

This time, I walked back to my seat the same as always but this time, I felt different. I felt hope, I felt peace. Kim came to me and sat down. I don’t know if she was even aware that we were doing another IVF cycle. “I really believe it’s going to happen! I really do!”, She told me. I felt it in my heart too. I couldn’t explain it but I had this huge surge of hope – more than that really, more like faith.

A few weeks passed, IVF ensued. I lost much of my faith that it would all work out. I nearly lost all hope. I managed to get my OB to draw a beta for me early because I couldn’t handle taking a test and seeing another negative and spending more time drawing it out. It was going to be negative, just get it over with. But wait!! It’s not negative! It’s positive and this time is different! It took 4.5 years but it’s finally happening!

I have said it and I will do it.”

I sat there in church holding my sweet baby boy. My True Gift of God. I cried, of course, but this time it’s tears of happiness and thankfulness. “I promised God that if He ever gave me a baby that I would give him all the glory!” I told the church the words the Lord had spoken to me. Our church smiling, our Pastor remarking that when God did it, he did a great job.

A little over 1.5 years later our second miracle, Pledged Gift, was dedicated at church. “I clearly remember the day you came forward in that prayer line and I just knew, I knew the Lord was going to give you a family!”, Our Pastor said.

I have said it and I will do it.”

And He has done it, going above and beyond by blessing us twofold (so far). And I am so grateful. Thank You Lord!

This post has been sitting on my computer for a long time and I wanted to share it with you all to encourage you. When the Lord speaks, He will deliver. It may not be when we think it should be but He will never fail to keep his promises to us. Hold on to faith. 

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