Archives for the month of: February, 2017

On buckling his own car seat: I try to. I just can’t!… but I try!

On Daddy tickling him when he’s mad: No! Stop! I don’t wanna smile!

On nap time because he’s getting grumpy: I just wanna be happy! I don’t wanna be sad! I don’t wanna cry! I just be happy! I wanna play toys and be happy!

On pretending to be a monster and making Levi cry in fear… also on popping bubble wrap which also scares Levi: I don’t wanna stop. It’s funny!!

On having company at bedtime: Can I play with uncle? (Mommy: No, it’s time for bed.) Tru: Can we play at the dark??

On only liking toddler formula, not milk: I want forman, not milk…. just forman!

On denial about aging: I’m 2. I turned 2 last night in my bed. (Has also claimed he turned 1 last night.)

On mom’s boringness: Oh, it’s just you. *To Levi* It’s just mommy, not daddy.

On the sample cookies being gone at the bakery: Santa Clause ate them all!

On the claw machine that dropped his ball: The machine is tired!! *Through many tears*

On my fat roll: Mommy, you body is getting big. *Rubs fat roll*

On man-boobs: I don’t have boobs. I have buttons.

On similar sounding words: That’s not my ankle! It’s my uncle!

On having a fussy little brother: Levi! Turn your volume down! Not up. Down!

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Some of you expressed an interest in me updating on how the challenge is going. In a word, turd. 

Ok, so, days 1-7 were ok. A bit, ya know, challenging at times but not too hard or unpleasant. In fact, yesterday I felt really positive about it and even felt like it was making a difference. Then this evening arrived and DH was a bit of a butt and instead of just keeping my mouth shut, or calmly talking about it, I went full crap-muffin on him. 

Fail! I felt really bad (mostly about getting mad at him in front of Levi) but I also realized that it’s not natural or healthy for me to keep my feelings bottled up all the time. My mistake. From now on I’ll try to make sure that I allow myself the time to feel the feels and (hopefully, calmly) talk about it before I move on. 

It’s not that DH is hard to live with, or that he said anything particularly awful. He’s not, and he didn’t. It’s just that I didn’t allow myself to process my feelings all week because I was so focused on keeping my (negative) thoughts to myself. So tonight when he said the least little thing, I blew up.

 I kind of knew that was coming. 

I was discouraged enough that I almost contemplated throwing in the towel on this challenge. But my sil is in this with me. I’m not going to let her down. But more importantly, I want this for my kids! I want to model a healthy marriage for them. I want them to see me being patient and kind and compationate. Loving. And I want this for me. 

One thing Becky reiterates in the book is the permission to give ourselves grace and move forward. So I am. I got mad, I said some unnecessary things, I calmed down and I’m moving forward. 

I’ll admit, this is not particularly easy to talk about on the worldwide web.

DH did figure out that I was doing some kind of challenge and he did throw it in my face when I was mad “Do what your book says!” I did NOT appreciate that but I also realized that I would probably be tempted to say the same thing if the tables were turned. Yesterday’s chapter was about forgiving. Yeah… perfect timing, huh? For both of us. 😉 

So, as the title says, Levi is officially done nursing. I’m not sure whether I should be happy or cry. Both, maybe? 
On the 4th and 5th of February, he nursed several times, even falling asleep nursing on both days. Then he got that stomach virus and didn’t nurse again until, I think the 11th. The funny thing is, he’s went a week without nursing before and started right back up. But this time he really couldn’t nurse. Like, he couldn’t remember how. It was kind of funny but also sad a little. Then today he asked for boob. I told him no, he’s done with boob now. Tru even backed me up, adding enthusiastically “You’re a BOY now!” But Levi insisted so I let him try. He totally couldn’t even latch on. I started laughing and told him “See? You don’t know how to nurse anymore. You’re done with the boob.” and he just smiled. 

Just like that, my baby is a big boy now. The interesting thing is, I didn’t know if he would wean before he turned 2. I’ve been curious to see because many months ago I asked God to please let Levi nurse till he turned 2 if he was going to be my last baby. He’s not 2 until next month… 

Ok, maybe not really. But it kind of feels that way right now. My sil asked me to read this book every day and she and her bff are also reading it. The book is “Love Unending” by Becky Thompson of the blog Scissortail Silk. I can’t link you to it at the moment and to be entirely forthcoming, I don’t follow her blog. But my sil does and she is in love with Becky’s writings. 
So I bought the book online and yesterday we started reading it. It’s basically a 21-day challenge for your marriage to get back to were you were when you first fell in love. “Rediscovering your marriage in the midst of motherhood.” 
Now, personally, I believe that having kids was vital to our marriage. But I know that it also does create a bit of a space between parents. Infertility drove a huge wedge between us, so having kids was a colossal relief for us. I understand that many couples don’t have that initial hurdle so having kids is not the healing balm that it was for us.
That said, yeah, romance is often times the last thing on my mind. And motherhood has a way of leaving me “touched out” at the end of the day and just kind of done in general. I’m snappy with the kids and DH. I’m not in the mood to think about what DH wants and needs. I’m selfish. There, I said it. It’s true. And the point of this challenge is to stop trying to “change” DH into the perfect husband, and instead, refocus my outlook so that I can be the positive change that I want to see in him.
Today’s challenge was to speak kindly. It was not an utter fail, but I could have done better. What I realized today was that I have set the tone in my family that nobody listens when I’m being calm and nice. I have to start getting snappy to get DH’s attention when I need help and I found that the boys respond similarly. I think I needed this wake up call because I don’t want to be that way! I want to speak calmly and respond peacefully and set that tone for my family. 
I haven’t told DH that I’m doing this. I feel like my sil and her bff are enough accountability and I don’t want DH to see me fail on a challenge and possibly point it out to me. I think that would make it alot harder. Also, I thought it would be interesting to see if he notices my efforts and thought that if he does, that might be a good indication of what I need to keep working harder on. 
So yeah. It feels like a bit of an undertaking at the moment because today was hard. And I see that I have a long way to go before I become the person that I expect DH to be. Becky made a great point; the change has to start with someone. Why not start with me? 

I like the fact that I can journal along in the book while I go through it. I think it will help me absorb the material better. And gives me space to add my own thoughts and feelings.

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I’m not big on these commercial holidays. Partly because I think we should be loving our spouse every day (same with Mother’s/ Father’s Day) and partly because I know this day is just another annoying reminder to those who don’t have a love in their life at the moment. But, it is a good excuse to have a nice dinner and eat sweets, so that’s what we did today. 

  1. I curled my hair today. Like, actually fixed it. I know! Big moment! 
  2.  I headed to the store with the boys and bought the fixings for a nice homemade dinner. Seafood linguine with sun dried tomato sauce – sautéed potatoes, green beans and mushrooms – garlic bread – and salad. And a few little treats. 🙂
  3. Came home and put the boys down for a nap and made cupcakes. 
  4. DH came home from work to supper ready and on the table. I know, i know. That kind of shock was probably a bit much for him! 😉 

 

After supper I gave each of my 3 loves a box of chocolates and gave DH a giant cheesy card. The boys got a card from my parents. We ate our cupcakes and spent the rest of the evening like usual. The boys thought the chocolates and cupcakes were so exciting. 🙂 

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I liked these little boxes of chocolates. So cute!

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Hair is fixed! It’s monumental!

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Tru and Levi thought these hearts on the table were great 🙂

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Definitely want to make this again!

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Giant cheesy card. But those bunnies are adorable!

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First of all, thank you everyone for your comments of encouragement on my last post and for all the prayers!! I appreciate it so much. 🙂 I don’t want to speak too soon and regret it, but today was actually a really good day. Nobody threw up. Nobody had diarrhea. Need I say more? We all really needed to get out of the house so we took the boys to get ice cream. A horrible idea so soon after being sick? Perhaps. But no harm done and we enjoyed ourselves. 

DH stayed home from work sick yesterday. He never threw up, although he felt like it. He took some Zofran though so that probably helped. Levi threw up once in the morning because he drank too much water too fast. Tru laid on the floor in front of the tv the entire day and watched cartoons for 9 hours! Poor kid. The boys finally calmed down on the diarrhea thing, which was great. 🙂 In the evening I got a touch of the virus but, thank the Lord, it was over quickly. So quickly that I’m still a little concerned that I didn’t actually have the virus and was just feeling bad for other reasons…. namely, AF. Yep, she showed up finally 11 days late. I had to cancel my appointment with the RE because of the boys being sick but I am scheduled to see him next week. I don’t really know what that appointment will involve aside from asking him what we can try to do to get my cycles back to normal. 

I kept my appointment yesterday with the NP to talk about my heartrate issues while exercising. She’s having me do a few tests and bloodwork to check it out. I’m not really concerned. Except for, I worry a little that if something is wrong, she will tell me I shouldn’t try to get pregnant again. But for now, I’m not going to worry about that. Just do my little tests and pray for the best. 🙂 

I am sanitizing the house and getting things back to normal. I’ve enjoyed using my essential oils diffuser this week. It makes the air smell so much cleaner and puts me in a better mood. The kids went to bed a bit ago and I shampooed the living room carpets. There has been so much yuckiness on the carpet this week that it really needed a thorough washing. It was due for it anyway. I love when my carpet is freshly washed. It’s so soft and fluffy. 🙂 I think a hot oil hair treatment, face mask and nail painting session are in order before I go to bed. I got a couple bottles of gel nail polish on clearance today. I’ve never tried the gel kind so… here goes! 🙂 

Shew! I feel like I’m always writing about one or the other of us being sick. We have another one of those nightmare stomach viruses. The worst part? After 5 days, it’s not even over yet. 

It started Sunday morning with Levi waking up with the dia. Ick! That continued all day. At 1am Monday, I heard him crying in his bedroom. Then he stopped but for some reason I decided to check on him anyway. He had thrown up. So I took him to my bed and he threw up again and again. DH and I were up with him all night cleaning him up and comforting him. He threw up until around 3pm that afternoon. Then he finally could drink sips and not throw up. So obviously he was getting better, right? WRONG!! 

That night I checked on Tru in the night and he had a fever. UGH! Levi had been running a fever off and on. It would be 104.8 and then it would be gone. The weird thing was, Tru woke up in the morning with no fever and not feeling bad. This was Tues morning. Then Levi threw up again. URG! Throughout the rest of the day, Levi was fine aside from horrible dia. Drinking sips and eating little bites of bread and crackers etc. But it couldn’t be over yet… No. 

Because at 1am wed, he woke up and fussed for a few seconds before throwing up all over me, the bed, the night stand, the floor… So while DH cleaned up the bed and dressed Levi, I got dressed to take him to the children’s ER. I could tell he was getting dehydrated from all the dia and since he couldn’t reliably hold any fluids down, I decided I wasn’t waiting any longer. He threw up 2 more times before we left and 2 or 3 more times on the way to the ER and again at the ER. It was devastating to hear him in the backseat crying “Mommy. Mommy. Pwease.” and all I could do was reach back and hold his hand. 😦 

Around 3am, DH texted me that Tru was up throwng up over and over. Great. Just great. The ER was packed but after 4 hours or so, we were ready to make the 1.5 hour trip back home. They gave Levi some Zofran and pedialyte and he perked up quite a bit. I picked up his Zofran script at the pharmacy (where I fell asleep in the parking lot waiting because I had only slept 1 hour that night). I couldn’t stay awake driving so I called my mom to talk. 

When I got home, I laid down for about an hour and a half. Tru continued throwing up probably at least 20 times, all told. Thankfully the pedi was able to squeeze him in for an afternoon appointment. Another hour drive each way while Tru threw up on the way and again in the waiting room. Another presciption for Zofran and another hour drive home. 

The good news is, the Zofran stopped the vomiting for both boys. They still have near constant dia. (I think we’ve went through at least 2 bags of diapers in the last few days) The bad news is, Tru is allergic to Zofran. After his second dose, he started getting this confused and scared look on his face, then his arms would go up and he would jerk around and if he was sitting, he would fall backwards. I tried to hold him but his back was arching. And he was hallucinating. I looked up the side effects and tremors and arching back are listed in the “call dr immediately” for Zofran. After a midnight call to the on-call dr, she said he can’t take Zofran anymore. Thankfully, today he has been sipping water and pedialyte. I also made some ginger root tea and am mixing that with the boys drinks to settle their stomachs. 

This is one horrible virus and the vom doesn’t seem to stop and stay gone on it’s own. It’s crazy…. Pray for us. DH is already down 2 of his 7 sick days at work for the year. I am trying to sanitize the house. There has been throw up in every room in the house. The laundry room is crazy and I have washed so many loads over the last few days. I am trying to stay on top of everything because if (PLEASE NO!!!!) I go out with this virus, the house needs to be as managable as possible. 

It’s late and I should be sleeping but my mind is racing… maybe it’s just because I drank coffee too late… enjoying that kuerig a bit too much lately! 😉 Anyway, I haven’t done a “life update” in nearly a month so, here goes.

  • I made it to the gym 8 times in January, which is ok considering I didn’t get to go the whole first week. I also worked out a whole ONE time at home. (Don’t laugh) I do feel good right now, strength wise. I have been doing 3ish +/- miles on the elliptical, 6ish miles on the recumbent bike and 1 mile walk/run on the track per session. My goal is always 500 calories but lately I think I’ve been exceeding my goal by a bit which makes me happy. I also do lunges, squats and wall squats. I usually take about 1.5 hours so I’m going relatively slow. So far all my exercise is leg-focused but that’s only because I don’t burn as many calories doing upper body. I need to suck it up though and start back on my arms again or I may look off balance someday. 😉 Haha. 
  • I haven’t mentioned this before that I recall because I have been hoping it would go away, but I can’t keep my heart rate down during exercise. As soon as I step on a machine, it’s already in the 120s to 130s. I don’t know what my resting HR is but I will literally check my HR 2 minutes after I start WO and it’s already that high. By 5 minutes its anywhere from 155-180. And I can’t make it stay down. As I mentioned, I go very slow. I talked to my Dr about it in July last year and she said to give it a few months to see if it improves, but it’s not or if it has, its been very mildly. So, I guess I’ll have to talk to her again. At first I felt sick and would black out and have to lay down. Now, I feel fine generally. Maybe this is my norm? I just know that I can’t go to the cardio classes because when I have, I felt horrible, blacked out and had to stop. 
  • Enough about exersize! I just realized that I never concluded Truett’s fever testing. Basically, we are still watching and waiting to see if the fevers continue. I’m frustrated. His tests (ESR, CRP, hemolysis) came back worse this time but the Dr couldn’t rule out his cold throwing the results off. I’m not so sure because that fever was 6 days long. Seems unlikely to have been the cold, especially considering all of us had it and didn’t have fevers (aside from Levi running around 100° 1 night). But then again, everyone responds to illness differently. So, in 6 months if he doesn’t get any more weird fevers, he doesn’t have to go back to rheumatology. If he gets any, we are supposed to journal them and discuss them at a follow up. I’m mommy so obviously I’m still concerned. But I’m also trying to trust that its nothing and Tru just is more prone to high, long fevers. 
  • I’ve been watching my cousin’s 14ish month old baby this month and aside from waking up at dark:30, the boys and I have enjoyed having him here. It is so fun to watch them play with N. I notice that Tru watches out for N and gives him toys. Levi bosses N and steals his toys. 😉 This is good though because I’m getting the chance to teach Levi to share. I make Tru and Levi share all the time of course but their dynamic is a little different.
  • DH is finally supposed to start in the office at work full-time next week. It’s been months since he was promoted but they only just got someone to replace him on the truck. DH has been training this week and loves it so far!! 

Ttc update for my records and the 2 people who want to read it. 😉 Feel free to skip.


Meh, I don’t think the Femara worked this month. I don’t really think I ovulated… I never got a positive OPK and I never felt ovulation. I’m late for AF now but dragging my feet to call the RE. I know I should… he told me to if I went over 30 days on a Femara cycle, so I’d better I guess. I think I have a cyst though because I feel this feeling in my left side that is unusual and harkens to cyst-growing activity. :/ All HPTs (and there have been many) are 100% bfn. Not even the benefit of an evap. 😉 So, yeah. That’s about it. 

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