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Truett has been running a low-grade fever for the last 4 days as we have all had a mild cold. He has a stuffy nose off and on and coughs occasionally at night. Levi ran a very slight temp of about 99.8 a couple times throughout this week and that was it. But with Tru, fevers always have been high and scary. 

Last night Tru woke up at 4am shivering uncontrolably with no fever. I put him in bed with us to warm him up and as it has happened before, not long after that he was burning up. I gave him Tylenol and checked his temp and it was 104.9F. Less than 5 minutes later his temp had risen to 105.9 and he began crying. DH went to get the ibuprofen from the kitchen while I wiped Tru with a cool cloth. Tru sat up in my lap and threw up a bunch of mucus and cried. I let him sip on Pedialyte while I kept wiping his body down until I could finally get him to take the ibuprofen. After maybe 15-20 minutes his temp was around 103 which I realize is the temp when most parents would start freaking out but sadly, with Tru and his history of really high fevers, DH and I almost start to relax ever so little once his temp drops to that range…. 

Anyway, sometime around 5am, he said “Pray me.” meaning of course that he wanted me to pray for him. I told him that I had been praying for him (silently) but that I would pray again. So I laid down next to him and prayed for him out loud. A few minutes later he started mumbling stuff which I couldn’t understand and then he said excitedly “God made me better!” Then he started looking around the room and saying “I see Santa Claus! He has sheep!” I turned and said to DH “Santa doesn’t have sheep!” And Tru continued on to say “There’s God! There’s Noah’s Ark and animals. See River?” And he pointed toward the side of the room. The dog was in the family room…. Then he told me he wanted to go home. I told him we are home but he said we weren’t. That really made me panic. I called my mom thinking that we might need her to come stay with Levi while we took Tru to the ER. We talked while Tru picked imaginary things off my shirt and she calmed me down a bit while we waited to see if the ibuprofen would bring his temp down a bit more. Tru was obviously hallucinating but I can’t help but think it was more than that. I kept checking his temp and it was 103-104. He would look at us and answer our questions but he kept seeing all these imaginary things. He talked about food that he could see, fire that was blowing, spider man, curious George, touching my face and chest and thinking he was touching Levi, and asked me “What’s that?” pointing at the ceiling. I told him I couldn’t see anything and he said “It’s God.” 

Finally his temp dropped more and he fell asleep around 6am. So the whole episode from him shivering, to his temp rising until it dropped down to under 103 was only 2 hours but it felt like forever!! 

This morning I asked him if he saw Santa Claus and some of the other things he’d mentioned last night. He said no. Then he told me “God was fixing me. He was scary.” I told him that God isn’t scary, He loves Tru. And then Tru said something like “He needs to talk. He was just quiet.” All day Tru has maintained this story, telling my sister when she came over “I was in mommy’s bed and God made me better!” 

I don’t know what to think of all this. It was really scary. I’ve had hallucinations from high fevers myself a number of times but when you see it happen to your child, it is really really scary. I’m so glad his fever came down relatively fast although it did take an hour of wiping him with cool cloths ect. But after his story I am more inclined to believe that God made him better than anything we did. 

He has had a slight temp today and has been pretty mellow although he has played a bit and eaten fairly well. I’m going to call his Dr tomorrow to tell them what happened since I am supposed to call them with any fevers he gets as a follow up from the fever episodes he was having. I just can’t help but think maybe Tru had a little glimpse into the spiritual realm last night and what he descibed was certainly amazing and comforting in a really freaky way. 

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Oh my little Levi, how are you already 20 months old?! I mean, I know how it is scientifically possible that 20 months have passed since you were born, but you are almost 2 years old! Already! 

I always thought that Levi was going to be my mellow child who listened well and didn’t pop an attitude. Because I obviously didn’t know my child, at all! This boy is my kid who gives me the worst little pout face and refuses to be serious when I reprimand him. He goes from frowning at me to smiling while I am mid-scentence telling him no. I can’t keep a straight face when he does that! Ha Ha. 😉 But all in all, he really does listen pretty well for a 1 and a half year old. 

And he is smart! So smart. A lot of stuff he knows because he follows Tru around all day and repeats everything he says and tries to do everything Tru can do. They are like peanut butter and jelly from the moment they wake up in the morning until they go to bed. Whichever one wakes up first, they are always running to the other’s bedroom looking for eachother. They do play pretty well but we have a fair amount of fighting over toys and just fighting in general. Levi’s retaliation right now is to bite Tru. Lots of times lately I hear Tru yelling “No bite, baby! No bite me!” and I run to grab Levi away. I’m not sure what to do to get him past this phase. I vaugly remember Tru doing some minor biting but I think it was a short time before he stopped. 

A few days ago we were getting ready to leave the house and I gave the boys their socks to put on. Now, Tru has been able to put on his own socks since before he was a year old. Levi? Not yet. But that’s because we never give him the opportunity to try! He’s not as set on being independent as Tru has always been so he doesn’t fight us helping him with things usually. So, he sat there struggling and Tru just couldn’t handle watching the painstaking process and he tried to help Levi. But Levi started yelling at him and running away with the socks to try again elsewhere. Tru started crying to me that he just wanted to help “baby” and I told him that Levi needed to try on his own. Tru said something like “He’s just a baby! He can’t do it. I can. I’m a big boy!” In that moment I saw the emotions I feel, coming from Tru. It’s hard watching your baby grow up. Sometimes there’s a bit of denial there. Sometimes I just want to freeze these years in time because they are already going so fast. But there is the whole other side where I am just wildly thrilled to watch them growing and learning how to do things on their own. But the most exciting part for me is watching their personalities develop….

And that is the biggest thing with Levi right now. He’s not acting like a baby much at all anymore. He’s becoming a “big boy” and it’s so fun to see! The one babyish habit that Levi hasn’t quite kicked yet is nursing. Lately he goes a day or two without and then decides he needs to check back in for a couple minutes. I can still express a bit of milk if I try. Interestingly, it looks like colostrum again. ?? I tell him no when he says “boob” a lot of the time but I really don’t care to nurse him if we are at home or if he gets hurt or is sad. 

As far as speech goes, Levi says everything he wants to say but usually just 1 or 2 words at a time. Which I guess is probably on track for his age. He gets his point across, that’s for sure! He definitely has a quiet, contemplative side but he also has a really loud voice and he’s not afraid to use it in case you didn’t hear him the first time. 😉 

I think he is starting to call himself by his name sometimes. Or rather Vevi, since that is what Tru calls him a lot. The other day my dad asked Tru “Who is that?” pointing to Levi and Tru said “That’s baby”. My dad said “I thought he had another name. Isn’t his name Vivi?” And Tru said very adamantly “No. His name is VEVI!” We also call him “nugget” quite a bit and I thought I heard Levi call himself nugget once. Poor kid probably doesn’t know his real name! I jest, I jest…. 
One of the most exciting developments recently is that Levi now says “wovou” (love you) and “wovou too”! I think he’s probably been saying it awhile but I didn’t realize that’s what he was trying to say until I told him “mommy loves you” while I had him on the changing table getting him ready for bed and he said “wovou too”. I seriously melted!! He also grabs my face and gives me kisses and hugs and is very loving with Tru also. They kiss each others boo boos and Tru will even cry more if Levi won’t kiss him better. 🙂 

Dear God, what a gift to be watching my Promised Gift learn and grow day by day. I’m so thankful for the joy of being his mother. I pray that You will protect him and watch over him. I pray that You will help us to raise him up to be loving and kind. Respectful and honest. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

..And I’m not at all proud of it. DH and I made a quick stop at the store the other day to pick up water and an SD card for my camera. As soon as we entered the store, Tru had a full on meltdown because he didn’t want to sit in the cart. I had to run to the bathroom so I told DH I would meet him and the kids at the back of the store. I could hear Tru screaming at least half way through the store. I was not happy to say the least. He throws a fit almost every time we enter a store! Then again, he’s 2…

So, I headed to the back to grab the SD card (which I usually buy online) but instead of just picking one up, I found them in a locked case. No big deal. There was an associate at the photo counter, I would just ask them to help me.

I walked up to the counter and the associate was working on something. Again, no big deal. I could wait. So I waited. And waited. And waited. DH came and found me, Tru now content riding on the back of the cart… yikes!

We all stood there and waited. I really don’t know how long it was. It could have been as long as 10 minutes all together. The associate never paused what they were doing to come unlock the case. I could feel my anger seething. We needed to leave! Why was the associate not helping me? Finally I said loud enough for the other customers standing nearby to hear, and probably the associate too, “Well that’s enough of that!!!” and stormed off quickly in a huff. I ran off so fast that DH couldn’t even get the cart turned around fast enough to catch up with me.

I stormed through the craft section picking out things for my niece’s  birthday still bubbling with anger. DH finally found me towards the front of the store. I was still very angry and I said over and over again, loudly, that “I am never shopping here again! The associates are always rude! The wait is always ridiculous!” The other shoppers around us were eyeing me like I was a crazy lady. I don’t blame them. Looking back, I’m embarrassed. 

We finally paid for our purchases and left the store. I began to feel more and more like a fool. Did anyone I encountered there feel the love of Jesus? No. Did I have a right to be upset? In the scheme of things, not really. So many people are suffering true atrocities, I was just waiting a few minutes. Could anyone who saw me have even guessed that I am a Christian? No way! Is that the kind of person I want to be? Who I want to raise my kids to be? No. I want my kids to know when to keep their cool and to only be angry about things that are really worth being upset about. Is my time more valuable than the souls of those I’m around? More valuable than their feelings? Absolutely not!

I can never apologize to those people for my attitude. I have a responsibility to be a light in a dark world. There is plenty of anger to go around, I should have been spreading love and joy. So, I apologize here.

jonsie13

living in the middle | navigating infertility

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