Archives for posts with tag: pregnancy after ivf

I’ve been sorting through pictures the last few days as I work to get all my SD cards loaded onto our computer so I can have back up copies of everything. On top of it being monumentally hard to sort through 8 very jumbled years worth of pictures (roughly 8,000) from various cameras, disks and phones, I’ve been shocked by the emotions this has stirred up for me.

Usually when I look through our pictures, I am not looking at years worth of good, bad and ugly. While I treasure all of our photos from years past, it’s a lot to take in all at once. I know this probably sounds dramatic but I see a picture that I’m in, usually with a smile plastered on, and I know where I was in that moment. I remember how I actually really felt and what the current grief was. What procedures we had tried, surgeries, drs we were seeing, even pictures of us in the clinic having our first ivf….

I don’t want to make it sound like we didn’t have good times prior to having kids – we absolutely did!! But our lives were so wrapped up in finding a diagnosis and going through all the various treatments that we tried for YEARS and it really did become extremely consuming. There was a time period where our marriage went down on the rocks badly and I didn’t think we would make it. We were young to begin with and having went through so much had taken such a toll. We/I argued constantly and looking back, it’s easy to see why everything felt so important. With no control over our fertility, obviously our fights over petty stuff spiraled way out of hand due to trying to have something go my way. Pictures during that time are extra hard.

And then there are snapshots of my sil and bil bringing my niece home from the hospital. I remember that day. It was so beautiful and sweet… but of course it was yet another arrow in the heart of the infertile. And pictures of my sister’s baby. So gorgeous and adorable, but I was saving every penny for ivf at the time and I remember going to the hospital to meet the baby and my sweet sister asking me how it was going saving up. She shouldn’t have had to worry about my feelings at a time like that, but she did, bless her heart.

If there’s one thing I learned in our journey (I learned quite a few things actually) is that I wish I  would have lived life instead of holding my breath waiting for life to start. Of course, that would have been easier if I had know I’d have kids eventually. But I should have been enjoying life then too. Much like I’ve learned in motherhood that I have to embrace the moment we are in now instead of looking back and being sad at all the moments I’ve missed in my childrens’ lives already and all the time I wish I could have back.

That said, even the recent pictures are bittersweet in their own way. I saw a video tonight of Tru last summer out on the porch with me pointing to the “fowees” and “goggie”. He says so many more words now!! He would point and make his own little words which are now replaced by “Wook, mom! See?!” As beautiful as it is to watch my babies grow up, there’s the pangs of knowing those days are gone and I’ll never get them back. It’s the way it’s meant to be. And I’m thankful to watch my boys grow more and more every day. I just never truly realized how fast you can blink and the moment is gone. It makes me treasure every picture and video of the boys that much more, seeing as how it can bring back so many memories just to watch a short little clip. Stuff I didn’t even know I’d forgotten.

I will be so glad when I’m done organizing all the pictures into their folders and can open them as I want to instead of having so many years worth of emotions pouring over me at once. And as for the pictures from the years of infertility? I think they’ll always be a little hard to look at.


After repeated calls to the clinic all resulting in being sent to voicemail, I finally caved and asked the front desk for a nurse. (I know they have a billion other patients but come on people, I’m special. ­čśë J/K) The front desk lady was RUDE RUDE RUDE!!!! She said things like “If you would let me talk…” and “If you would have started by letting me know you talked to Becky….”. She was trying to set me up for an appointment to get my results. I believe my exact answer was “No frickin’ way!!” She obviously didn’t like that. I told her I didn’t care which nurse I talked to. She was stuck on Becky because I talked to Becky yesterday. I said it didn’t matter and she said “Actually, that’s not the way it works.”┬áVery condescending. I kindly hung up on her whilst saying thank you. That’s nice right? No? My bad.┬áRemind me not to go to that clinic any more. They are too far away anyways….┬á


Ok, now that I have that off my chest!! The number came back at 459 which doubled from 176 two days ago and is a doubling time of 30.37 hours which is awesome. That is a much more acceptable number according to Dr Google. I am shocked because I had actually given up. My back has ached so bad today since the middle of the night. It is crazy bad. I finally took some Tylenol and it didn’t do a thing!! I also haven’t eaten today yet. I tried to eat some crackers but I almost threw up. I wasn’t sure if it was stress causing the sickies or a baby. I guess it was the baby. I feel better now though so….┬á


That’s about the gist of it all. I guess we will start PIO tonight since it arrived today. I’m done cheating to get extra betas. I swear. No, I actually don’t swear. We shall see, ok? How’s that?


Dear God, Thank You for a good beta today!! Please continue to provide according to Your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.┬á

The Refillable Glass

Remember the glass is neither half empty nor half full. It is refillable.

Hopelessly Infertile and Surrounded by Fertiles

Just me against the world (not the people in the world. Just the world.)

A Continual Feast

"...for the happy heart, life is a continual feast." -Proverbs 15:15

Heartening Forward

Handcrafted Cards

The Stephens Life

"The best kind of parent you can be is one who leads by example" - Drew Barrymore

What's for Dinner Moms?

Creativity for my life.

My PhD Life

My experience and events throughout my PhD

Two Little Monkeys

Fostering, adopting and life with 2 toddlers!

My Thoughts Exactly

Sunshine is so Gangster!

The Honest Mom

It's Not a Regular Mom Blog, It's a Honest Mom Blog

Kaden, My Superhero

Our complicated journey in and out of the NICU

Life. Love. Loss.

Writing and remembering


Experiencing Motherhood

Life Without Limitations

Life with a Special Care Baby


Just The Chronicles of a Thirtysomething

The Journey from Victim to Survivor

The good, the bad, and the ugly

Messy Stressy Mama

Learning As I Go

Ashlie in the Air

30-something frequent flyer thinking her thoughts out loud

Single Mom Daily

Dealing with heartbreak and morning sickness


The begining , the middle , birth and beyond ­čî▒

The Chastened One

Finding God's promises in every season of life


Literally a first time mom, sharing all that happens during my pregnancy. My posts are real and true examples of a mom on her first journey with her first baby!

My PCOS Journey

PCOS, you're not alone, neither am I.


My Unexpected Experience with Pregnancy

Wrinkle Wrinkle Little Star

Growing old gratefully as an older mother


My Quiet Place

Our Simple Family Living

Faith. Family. Simple.

About Alistair

My journey through motherhood and beyond


everybody needs a little tuff love


New mama to be and updates on my life and adventures.

Thoughtful Momma

Take a peek into the mind of a mom of many.

Dreaming Of Diapers

A Tell All Infertility Blog 2019 & IVF Blog 2019

Still No Baby

A brief insight into the lows of trying to conceive after a long time

Healthy & Brown

Where strength and healing meet

Downtown Abi

food + cats + art + life

Little Wolf Tribe

"A moment in my tummy; a lifetime in my heart."

mama etcetera

adulting adventures of a mama of 2

The adventures of being a mummy to two incredible girls.

Carnet de bord

Our life, bilingual family, clubfoot, and everything in between

The Not So Fertile Goddess

and here we go again...


The road to becoming a family!

Girl Friday Makes Good

Working for The Best

%d bloggers like this: