Archives for the month of: June, 2013

    First I must apologize to those from ICLW. I was doing great getting out at least 6 comments a day but then my internet messed up and I couldn’t open blogs and if I did and tried to comment, it didn’t always save. I think I’m back though and I plan to do my best responding and visiting your blog because I really appreciate the comments and visits you have been giving my blog and I’ve enjoyed reading and following more blogs myself.
      So I didn’t see the a dr today but I was sent for a cervical length check. I measured 3.6 which means it did shrink nearly a centimeter in 3 weeks BUT 3.6 is still well within normal range. Of course, I intend to have it checked again. The tech also measured the fluid. She didn’t say how much but it looked like a nice pocket to my untrained eyeballs. And she informed me that my placenta is not posterior, its fundal. (At the top of the uterus.) Which explains why all the activity I have felt up there has been light even though his feet are up there. And his heartbeat was 150. (It cracks me up when people try to guess his gender based on the heartrate. While literally 9 times out of 10 that worked for my mom, this little guy didn’t follow the “rule”.)  The tech asked “do you want to try 3D?” I was suprised she asked because the last time I asked if they do 3D the tech at that appointment said “not for entertainment!” So I wasn’t expecting it. He’s still little for 3D ultrasound but she did get a good looking picture. DH said he looks like me. And I can see where he gets that (wide nose) but honestly it seems babies never come out looking like their ultrasounds. At least not the babies I’ve seen.
       His little head is very firmly against my cervix which I guess may be causing some pressure but he seems tiny to be really causing much. He’s so precious. I’m so in love!
      Needing suggestions! I’m having trouble getting my Lovenox shot. My belly is getting tighter and I am hard pressed to find a vein-free area. I have been poking 5 or more times per shot just to find somewhere to inject without hitting a vein and get a real nice fried egg size bruise. My legs are also out. Too many veins. I’m thin and fair skinned so I can practically see all my veins like a road map. Someone told me my upper arm can be used. (They used theirs for heparin I believe but please don’t take this as medical advice because I really have no idea if that’s safe.) Once again though there’s just not sufficient fat. Is the tushy ok? Of course this requires DH’s help and with an extremely painful shot like Lovenox, I shudder. But maybe he could give my few tummy sites a couple days to heal now and then… but is the rear ok?
     Off to sleep now if possible. Its been a long day.
      Thank You God for a safe trip to the dr and for a good visit. Thank You for this baby and I pray that You will continue to help my body to take good care of this precious little one. In Jesus name, amen.


This part of the post is not for those who don’t wish to know about my southern parts. If desired, it can be skipped and you will be informed when its safe again.

       Well this past week has been rough. Remember the swelling I mentioned before in the nether regions? Still there but worse. Fine. Whatever. Small price to pay. But it feels like there’s a fullness on the inside now too and some pressure. It may all be perfectly fine and nothing to worry about, but I don’t know that! And when one feels like they are going to have their girl parts fall out in the floor its a tad scary! So yesterday, after a week and a half of it not getting better, I called the nurse. She said “try taking 2 Tylenol and drink plenty of water and call me back.” I was confused. Because I wasn’t in pain. So I explained it again. She said she understood so take 2 Tylenol and see how I felt. So I did. I waited 2 hours. Nothing changed. *Shock!* So as I was getting ready to call her back, another nurse called me and said the consultant said I don’t need a cervical length check. Well ok. I never asked for one! Now I’m thinking maybe I DO need one. I have an ultrasound scheduled for next week anyways so why not move it up??? But lastnight was miserable. Trying to sleep while feeling pressure that isn’t determined to be safe yet is hard. This morning I called the nurse again and left a message. “If the dr can’t see me today, I’ll just head up to triage. Just let me know!” Because why should I sit here and worry if I don’t have to? And if something is wrong, shouldn’t we find out before its a BIG problem?

Ok, I think its safe conversation again ….
       So, my week has pretty much consisted of sitting/laying on the couch due to above issue. I went to church and Lowe’s. That’s the highlight of my week. But its given me time to feel baby boy moving! Its so funny when he sticks his head or behind, I’m not sure which it is, but he sticks it up and its so round and cute. He thought he would just take a day off from kicking yesterday. He didn’t do his usual morning excersizing. Or his afternoon routine. By evening he had done a few half hearted kicks and when I went to bed he didn’t kick my hip off like usual. At almost midnight I jumped out of bed realising he hadn’t moved in a strong way all day. I went and drank iced fruit juice and prayed. Finally he got going. I stopped counting after 20 kicks and went to bed. He has lazy days now and then. I can relate but that’s not allowed when you’re in your mommies tummy!
        I will try to update after I either get back from the dr or get back from triage. Until then….

Dear God, You know what is going on and if it’s a cause for concern. If anything is wrong, I ask that You will protect the baby inside me. I pray that you will make my body the perfect environment for this baby from right now until he is full term. In Jesus name, amen



      I wanted to share a picture of tonights dinner. As I’ve mentioned before, my main craving has been vegetables. (I know. Boring right?!) Anyways, I decided to really indulge my cravings tonight and make a vegetarian supper. Not that I’m a vegetarian. Gotta have me some meat! But I can definitely see the benefits of having a more plant based diet. Its easy, cheap and clean! I’m loving my parents garden this year and the Amish produce stand down the road. (Yep, I do live in Amish country. Its good for the most part but my dog hates their horses with a passion and thus embarrasses the crap out of me barking at them everytime they drive by. Which is frequently.) Anyways, the produce they sell at the stand is the best! Its always clean, bug-bite free and grown locally. I have been stopping in there a lot for zucchini, squash, green beans, peas, beat greens, rainbow chard and garden plants. I did manage to get out the tiniest kitchen garden this year. I mean its the size of a postage stamp! At least its something. But hey! When you have a produce stand 3 miles away selling vegetables almost as cheap as you can grow them… its ok to take a year off! Although I do need to get back to my canning someday.
      Ok enough veggies for now. 🙂

       First I want to say hello and welcome to those stopping by for ICLW. To those just now chiming in, my history in a nutshell… I am 24 years old, DH is 23. We have struggled with MFI, endometriosis and MTHFR since 2008. (Although initially we didn’t have a diagnosis.) We have both been through surgery to try and correct our infertility problems but to no avail. We have done 2 cycles of medicated iui followed by 2 cycles of ivf. I am currently 22 weeks pregnant with a boy from our second ivf. Feel free to read along…
       I’m looking forward to viability like a kid on Christmas morning. I know viability isn’t everything, but knowing baby boy has a chance on the outside does count for something! I love this little one sooo much!
     This week in the pregnancy symptom department has left me suprised. I have this almost constant feeling of fullness or swelling “down there”. (Might as well start with the embarrassing stuff first.) Yesterday I made the mistake of taking a peek to evaluate this swelling…. *gasp of shock* Moving on. Not to complain or anything but my pelvic bones feel like they’ve split in half in the front. Its a radiating, shooting pain but I suppose it is nessassary to make a wider exit. I could swear I feel baby’s little butt sitting right on the bones. He’s been in this same position for weeks now. I guess its comfortable for him. He’s not one for changing position a whole lot now that his home is getting more crowded. I love his active times though when he sticks little body parts up and makes my belly look funny. 🙂
The pressure from baby is starting to kick my intersistial cystitis back in. It was bad in the beginning then got a lot better! I almost felt like I did before I had IC but now its worsening a bit again. Nothing I can’t live with though! At an appointment awhile back I remember the dr telling me to use the bathroom at least every two hours even if I didn’t need to. Ha!! I’m doing good to make it 15-30 mins. Such is the case with IC. And the BH continue…. Everything
causes them.  
I’ve been much more hungry lately. I’m wondering if that means growth spurt. I found out that our Wal-Mart sells Olive Garden Salad Dressing. My favorite place to eat at! And their dressing is the best!! (If you don’t believe me, try it.) I’ve been eating it up like crazy! We’ve gone through almost a whole bottle in a week. And guess what’s on the menu tonight?
       We have been given a few more baby items. A handmade, crotchet baby blanket and an adorable baby outfit with little dogs on the feet. I actually choked down my fear last week and bought a pack of zip up sleepers. They were on clearance and had little ducks on them. DH is not sure he feels real happy about me wanting to dress our son in yellow duckies but as my dad said “he’s just a baby!” I guess we shall see… 😉
      Over the course of the last few days, not all at once, our cat, the stray that had 4 kittens last month and all 4 of the kittens have disappeared. And not one cat has been seen for 2 days now. It freakest me out! How would 6 cats all disappear like that? I was planning to find homes for the kittens and their mother but not thinking they would vanish into thin air! It seriously bothers me. Now when I tie my beagle out for his daily constitutional I get very nervous. Its a mystery I guess.
       I’m still feeling a little swamped by the bills for our IVFs. Its sooooooo worth it though. I wouldn’t trade this little guy for alllll the money in the world. Or for anything for that matter! I did call about one bill and they gave me a settlement amount to pay if I paid in full. Which took some juggling of money but it was great because I was able to save. I tried it on another bill but no such luck. I guess some will and some won’t. It was worth a shot.
      I’m tired and hungry and I’m starting to ramble so I’ll go for now.
       Dear God, thank You for this beautiful day and for these precious kicks I’m feeling. Please watch over this baby and keep us safe and healthy. In Jesus name, amen

     I can see what people are typing into google when my blog gets hits. Someone googled “infertile women complain and are b…”. I don’t know for sure what the “b” stands for because the rest of the search term was cut off. But I can take a guess. I was suprised anyone would google that. Seriously, what do you expect? The one thing a woman should be able to do, an infertile can’t! (Or at least not easily.) Something women everywhere take for granted and oftentimes throw away the gift of is fertility. The very thing so many little girls dream of and practice for – being a mommy. Little girls in all parts of the world playing with their baby dolls and ohhhing and ahhhing over little babies in grocery stores. Yet, its somehow a suprise that we might get a little crabby when our dreams are crushed and we feel empty and worthless? Granted, we are God’s priceless work of art regardless of our uterus and ovaries but being infertile can make a woman (or actually even a man for that matter) feel less than they are. Maybe I misread the meaning of the search term. I’m SURE I overreacted at any rate. But to those of us who have faced (and are indeed still facing) infertility…. you have every right to complain a little.

       So many contractions! I never realized contractions could be so frequent so early on. All week I’ve been having close to 10+/- every day. I had 4 in 15 minutes the other day. I get them up, down, standing around, flat on my back or eating a snack. I finally called the nurse today to ask her if its just my version of normal or if I should be worried. I drink water like a whale as I’ve stated before. The current consensus is that my uterus is irritable. Ya think?! All this accompanied by menstrual type cramps. But, I’m not to worry about it because she said that last week my cervix was at 4.3cm long which was even better than 2 weeks prior. She was going to run it by the dr just to make sure they are cool with me being irritable (yes, I’m irritable too now from the non stop action in there) but its probably all fine and dandy. At least I hope so. As I told my mom, its nothing I can’t live with as long as I know its ok.
Something I may not have mentioned before – I’ve been told I have an odd looking pregnant belly. The exact words were “like a ziplock bag of water under your skin.” I laughingly told the dr at my last appointment as I laid down for my belly measuring segment, that I have an odd looking prego belly. When I lifted my shirt he actually chuckled and said “as long as it gets the job done. Right?” I agree!!! I’ll let you be the judge.

        Im really enjoying feeling this baby boy move. At night when I lay on my side it feels just like he’s kicking my hip bones. He feels long to me. Lately I’ll feel him way down in my pelvis and by my belly button. I have no idea what position he’s in now. But up or down he must be facing out because I seem to be feeling knees and elbows. This is definitely the most fun part of pregnancy for me. It still seems to weird DH out. He doesn’t feel baby move much. He enjoys talking about baby or even to baby but something about feeling a little person squirm around inside a belly is weird to him. I kind of understand I guess but still I LOVE IT!!!


       Someone asked me about my pregnancy cravings. Its strange but aside from salad in mass quantities, (a recent picture of me eating lettuce)


greens, celery and beans, I don’t think I’ve craved much long term. Maybe some things I wanted for a day or 2 but not long. The only lasting cravings have been in the veggie department. That’s fine by me though! I will admit, I had a deep affection for Taco Bell for at least a month but considering that I live 20 minutes from the nearest TB, I didn’t get to give in to that craving unless I was already in town.
       Its amazing to me. When I was about 8-9 weeks pregnant, a stray cat that has made this its TEMPORARY home, also got pregnant. Some time passed, she got fat, she had 4 adorable kittens. (All kittens are adorable. It’s when they grow up and dig up your flower bed that they aren’t so cute anymore.) Here we are almost 5 weeks later. The kittens walk and talk (in kitten language). They are old enough to enjoy some squishy cat food and their mother’s work is nearly done. But my baby is no where near done cooking! He needs at least another 4 months to be born safely. And I hope he gets every day he needs!! Its so interesting how fast things move in the small animal world.





But elephants! That’s another story. Something like 21 months I think. Wow!
          I’ve got to go feed this baby. We’re getting hungry again.
God, thank You for this sweet baby and its precious movements. Thank You for every day You’ve brought us. Guide us both safely to our goal. In Jesus name, amen
     I leave you with this. Just because. 😉


       We went to a HUGE museum today. We only saw a small fraction of the exhibits. It would take days to see and read everything. It was great but after all that walking, I’m pooped! I’m starting to think my body doesn’t like me walking more than an hour at a time. Then its time for a little break so I can get my lower back to work properly. Otherwise it feels like a creeky, tight mess. Its worth it though! So worth it…
      This belly is growing! DH laughs when he looks at it. He keeps asking what its like. I think aside from feeling the baby kick now and then, seeing it on ultrasound and noticing belly growth, men probably feel a little left out. Sure they don’t want to have morning sickness or anything like that but just think, us women get to feel the first movements and share a bond with the baby like getting to know its little kicking schedule and being with it constantly. Some women might not feel the way I do about it and that’s fine too. I’m just thinking …..
     I guess we have actually decided on a name 100%. I know it wasn’t DH’s favorite, but after the ultrasound that’s just what he started calling the baby immediately. I asked him if he wanted to come up with another name but he said the one we had talked about was fine and even when I asked him to through out some ideas, he didn’t have much. Nothing we both just fell in love with. So the name is Truett Matthew. That was easy! Now for dealing with the oposition. Why do people think its any of their business to name other peoples children? I know its well meaning, but seriously. And how shocked I was to find that its not always relatives who share their opinions! It can be people you hardly know! Wow. But so far, the majority of people either smile politely while repeating the name or actually say they like it! (Bless their hearts) 😉 The thing is, the name holds meaning. Tru has been on my list since I was in my teens! But it goes deeper… just like our girl name we both adore. Journey. Its one word that sums it all up. The IF jouney has been hard, long and lonely. And most of all, its not over. But its also been a time of growing, learning, faith and bonding. Its been a part of our lives and always will be. That’s why we embrace the name. Its so fitting.
       To expound on the IF struggle a little…. its still there. Its not going anywhere. We know that to have another baby someday, we will almost definitely need IVF again. A lot of people say to me “Now that you have got pregnant, I bet you will get pregnant naturally next time.” What they don’t understand is IF isn’t just a woman problem. This is a very popular belief. Its also very outdated and wrong. IF is 30% of the time due to MF. Or in our case, both! So me having concieved isn’t going to somehow undo the permanent damage in DH reproductive system. It is what it is. We have learned to deal with it. If we can accept it, why don’t other people. (Of course, not a lot of people understand his MF issues. Its complicated in that aside from extremely low count and motility he also has only 0-4% morphology. In other words, he could have extraordinary counts and motility but the sperm are unable to penetrate the egg with being manually injected with a microscopic needle into the actual egg. A.k.a. ICSI.) Then you can completely ignore DH’s infertility issues (for lack of a better word) and look at my own. While I did have significant problems with endometriosis as diagnosed by laparoscopy, the REs I have seen haven’t felt that alone would cause complete implantation failure. So they believed I could become pregnant. BUT, the MTHFR mutation (untreated) can cause complete implantation failure or even if implantation occures, it doesn’t allow for sufficient blood flow to the womb for the baby to grow. (In some cases and there are different, less complicated forms of MTHFR than the variation I have.) So, as you can see, not likely to happen naturally. Even if one of us was perfectly healthy in there, the other one would still have enough issues to keep it from happening. Another thing that bothers me is when, even after explaining this, people say “But God can still work a miracle.” Obviously they really don’t understand. He did. It doesn’t have to be natural to be a miracle. IVF is not a cure all. It doesn’t always work. No matter how many times you try it. Its a miracle if it works! Our first cycle was a BFN. See, its not a cure all. I realize it will only work if God allows it to. Its up to Him. I know this. I learned it well. So if God ever gives us a baby naturally, we will be blessed. It will be a miracle, but so is Tru. Everybody is really. Its not in our hands to create life. That’s God’s work. We just do our little parts. Its really something we have no control of. Obviously! Thats been hard for me to swallow. God could just heal us both! And that would be amazing. But if He doesn’t, its ok. I hope I havent stepped on toes or offended anyone. This is, as always, only my opinion and my feelings on the subject. Maybe I’m wrong in areas but I have walked this path and I have patience with the well meaning things people say. I used to be blissfully unaware too…. I know where they are coming from and honestly, anyone who is brave enough to talk about IF with someone who is there, deserves a hug of gratitude because the majority of people don’t know what to say so they just ignore the situation and shy away from you or at least from your pain. That hurts worse than any well intentioned but ignorant comment anyone else could make.
      I have plans for another long boring post sometime so be forewarned! 🙂
      Dear God, please continue to bless and protect this precious baby. I love him sooo much! Thank You for the time I’ve had with him carrying him. Please continue to bless us in this pregnancy and help this  baby to be well and strong and healthy. In Jesus name, amen.


    DH’s idea… I thought it was pretty cute. (And my belly wasn’t too bruised from the Lovenox.)
     So we had out anatomy scan today. We still have to go back for heart echo but they saw no problems so… yay! And no spinal defects were detected. 🙂 And we are officially team blue! It was so blazing, blaring obvious. I knew before the tech confirmed it. Of course, I KNEW at 6w2d. (Mothers intuition?) DH about fell off the chair from shock. He was 100% sure it was a girl. Neither us gave a rats tushy one way or the other, but we are competitive like that. 😉 So, he weighed around 11oz, measured right on the day and I forgot to ask how long he is. He was kicking, sucking his hand and even rolled over after being rudely shaken but the sour ultrasound tech. (Not the one we usually get – LOVE her.) This lady acted like she had been sucking on garlic all day. Maybe she just had a bad day. I don’t know. But she did a good job getting all his little measurements and by the end she seemed even to have warmed up a little.
     We went to the zoo afterwards and my doggies are barking!! My ankles swelled a lot and my low back is in sad shape but we had a great time and the weather was exactly what my weather app predicted – “sunny and delightful.” My hips, low back, tail bone ect have been very painful lately. The more I walk the worse they hurt. Especially my tail bone. Its odd all the little twinges and pains pregnancy brings. Such strange little things. I almost threw up there too. I blacked out and got mucho nauseated. I practically stumbled blindly to a rock wall to sit down. Then DH led me to the shade. I don’t know what that was about, but I prayed, felt better and ended up having a great time.
       We got a few baby outfits on the way home. DH got all excited on me about buying baby stuff. I didn’t know if he stayed in the sun too long or if he just had a momentary estrogen rush but either way, I liked it. He’s usually not like that.Maybe he’s changing with the times. He even picked up a pregnancy test the other day. (For someone else, not me obviously.) I couldn’t believe he did that when he could hardly be seen in the store with me buying one just a year or two ago. Whatever it is that’s gotten into him… I like it!
     I’m still experiencing Braxton Hicks ever increasingly. Menstrual type cramping. I feel for all the world like I’ve got AF. Its weird! And mild, intermittent morning sickness.  The Dr said today that the good thing is, my cervix hasn’t changed. (They measured transvaginally by ultrasound as I was NOT leaving until they did.) He didn’t tell me the exact measurement. I wanted to ask but I knew if it was down but 1/8cm I’d stress and who needs that?! So. He’s said its good. And no funneling. (And the tech practically touched my backbone pushing in so I think we would have seen!!) 😉 And baby was kicking my cervix the whole time.
      For the record, my belly button popped out about 2 weeks ago. I thought it would take longer but it was never that deep. Also, regardless of the fact that baby is measuring 19w6d my uterus is measuring 23 weeks. The Dr said they don’t worry about it unless its past 3cm (weeks) ahead. So we are at the cutoff. But I have no idea what that means. He didn’t elaborate… but at least it gives my belly button an excuse for looking funny already. 😉
      I really must go. I’m sure I could type all night but I need rest. And water! I drink like a camel and pee like a…. well me. DH says nothing pees like me. I laugh at women who whine about getting up 3 times a night. I get up 3-6 times a night when I’m NOT pregnant. Now I average 6-10 but I think my record is closer to 15. No lie. Its a combo of intersistial cystitis, baby kicking my bladder and my obsessive love of Ice Mountain water! Its to PEE for!! Until next time…
      Thank You God for a wonderful ultrasound, beautiful day and for Tru. I ask that You will continue to watch over him and keep him safe in my womb for the months ahead. In Jesus name, amen.

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