Archives for the month of: January, 2014

      Tru is lying in his co sleeper, chewing on his fingers and jabbering up a storm. Usually he’s asleep long before now but this week has been a nightmare. I think he’s really starting to feel the stress.
       I’ve been sick. Bad sick. It started last Friday with the yeast infection from hell. Pardon my French. But it really really is. A week later and I still have it. A week on Diflucan. A week using almost every home remedy Google has to offer. A trip to Urgent Care. They just gave me more Diflucan. Oh. And they gave me the flu. At least I think it was them. I didn’t know what was happening to me. My mom had to come get the baby because I couldn’t hardly pick him up. I got a dr appointment but on the way there I literally thought I was dying. My whole body was totally numb. Every single bit of it. My hands seized up in this contorted discusting way and I couldn’t move them. So we got as far as the ER. I was praying and thanking God for letting me have my baby before I died and called DH to tell him I loved him. I told my mom to tell my family I loved them. I kept saying “I can’t believe I’m dying.”
      Obviously, I didn’t die. I was just badly dehydrated amongst other things. I got Zofran, an IV and some pain relief in the IV and came home to spend the next 2 days in fever land. Too weak to pick up the baby or even get out of bed. My sister had to care for the baby entirely including putting him up to my bbs to nurse. He will only take a bottle if he is extremely desperate. So, long story short, I lost my milk. Pretty much completely. Its a crying shame. But hopefully now that I can drink again, I’ll get it back soon. I’m finally able to pick the baby up for the first time in 3 days. He missed me. I missed him. And since my mom had to take him home while I was at the ER, it was our first time being separated since he was an embryo. I didn’t like it. I especially didn’t like the circumstances.
       I woke up this morning to my fever breaking and seeing that Tru appearently learned a lot the last few days. Turns out he can now not only reach for his toys, but somewhat hold onto them too. He puts everything in his mouth. And he’s starting to laugh a lot. I love his laugh. Its adorable!!! He also tried out his walker today. His feet are far from the floor but he is absolutely thrilled by the toy tray. He kept spinning the ball. DH declared it the “cutest I’ve ever seen him!” and said he looked like a little mad scientist. Tru likes anything as long as its done in big people positions. None of that lying down baby stuff for him! 😉 Unless its his swing. He does like him a good swing now and then. He’s such a big guy now. I feel like he’s a different baby. Aside from still being easy going and whatnot, he’s just so much different. I guess that’s what they call growing up. I just didn’t realize it happens so fast.
     Tru always watches me when I’m drinking out of a glass. I’ve let him have a few sips of water and he loves it. Today he wanted a sip out of my glass so badly he was sucking his bottom lip way in trying to get the glass. We finally just had to get him his own glass with just a bit of water. How he loves it! Its so cute. I was glad he drank a little water because of not having enough milk. Through the course of the day he would only take 7oz by bottle. But I nursed him probably 10-12 times. He has had some weird diarrhea stuff and a little temp of 99.6 so I’m hoping that’s the worst of it and he doesn’t get an awful flu.
       Well, he asleep now and I should be too. I think we shall need some extra nursing sessions tonight. 
       Dear God, please protect Tru and help him to stay well and not get sick this winter. Thank You for him and for the blessing of having him. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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Disclaimer #1 – this post talks a lot about periods and women crap.
Disclaimer #2 – I think this post could be a trigger for women who haven’t had their baby yet. So read at your own risk or just skip.
   I spoke too soon about my cycles returning regularly. I really thought I was starting again 29 days after the first post pardum cycle. But then I didn’t start. And I didn’t. And I didn’t. Not for a whole week later. Finally on CD 37 I think, that stupid thought started nagging at my mind like you wouldn’t believe. Ok. Yes you would believe. First, to be clear, I really want another baby… someday. I wasn’t getting my hopes up because I’m already ready to get pregnant again. Because I’m not. Those stupid thoughts creep in though. “How crazy would it be if I actually got pregnant naturally after all that work doing IVF. That would be crazy huh?!” And then common sense returns for a moment. “I probably didn’t ovulate. I’m not taking blood thinner. For all I know, DH has 0 swimmers by now and first and foremost, I’m not ready to be pregnant again yet. My csec scar still hurts! I wouldn’t be able to get on the floor with Tru while he’s learning to crawl. I would have to wean him because I wouldn’t make my body feed him and another baby.” Then stupid starts up again. “Yeah, but I really want another baby someday and it would be awesome if we could have a baby of our own without having to use IVF. I mean think how cool that would be?!

    Stupid me won. I peed on .88 cents. Small price to pay for a candy bar. But waste of money for one pink line. Its not even like I was really disappointed because the rational me realized it was for the best. And that my body – and my mind are just not able to do pregnancy again just yet. I still need time to enjoy Tru. I’m just not ready yet. – Not that I wouldn’t gladly have accepted another baby in the blink of an eye! I’m only mad that I tested. That I started that stupidness up again. That I’m back on the Stupid Train, headed for Negative Town. Its like I reset the standard and now I will feel broken and negative again. I shouldn’t have done it. I really shouldn’t have.
 
      Oh yeah. My body loves to mess with me. Less than 24 hours later, Aunt Flo showed up. She was like: “Haha! Tricked ya didn’t I?! Well take this!

I can’t post a picture today of what made me happy but it was grocery shopping. I have never been so happy to grocery shop in my life!! I was so glad to get out of the house its sad. We don’t have water again. Yay us! But we do have bologna and rye bread!! So… yeah pretty good. 🙂

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Oh yes!! So me right now.
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Haha! I remember those days…
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Sounds about right. Sorry honey. 😉
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Reminds me of something I read as a young child. It stuck in my brain all these years. “Dear Sweet Pea, Do you carrot all for me? My heart beets for your raddish hair and turnip nose. Give me a date. If we cantalope, lettuce marry anyhow. Love, Lima Bean”
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I’m learning this more and more all the time.
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All the time! I can’t get away with anything around here.
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I’m happy to say, I haven’t tried this.
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Poor girl.
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No!
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Yes. Seriously, please!
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Amen and hallelujah! I don’t give a hairy ankle.
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As you probably deduced from my earlier post, I’ve been in a bad mood today. You smart thing you. How did you guess? But there was one highlight. Ok, a few highlights. Here’s one.
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Egg white omlet with cheddar cheese. I was going to pack it with vegis but I didn’t have time.  I’m not a fan of cooking in my fuzzy bathrobe and shoes while seeing my breath. It was time to retreat to the living room! All in all, it was a pretty darn good omlet though!

       The last few days have been interesting. Tru has been really fussy. At least fussy compared to his norm. He’s a great baby. He rarely cries and only if he needs something, but the last few days have had me at my wits end. I really can’t figure out what he wants. Booby doesn’t work. Swinging makes him mad. The toy mat which he usually spends quite a bit of time playing on just makes him more mad. He doesn’t want to be laid down but he doesn’t want to be held either. Are there even any other options? Sad to say, in order to eat, pee or brush my hair, I’ve had to just let him cry. It breaks. my. heart. But what else can I do? If it weren’t for this stupid weather, my mom or sisters could run over for a bit so I could at least get a shower without having to let him scream. But he won’t even nap if I lay him down much. He’s just not himself. I’m wondering if he could be starting to teeth? He’s drooling everywhere and chewing on his hands around the clock. He always has soggy sleeves and a soggy shirt. I’m wondering….
      Twice now he has screamed in pain, pulling his little legs up and holding his arms close to his body for around a half hour each time. He screamed and cried, thrashing his head from side to side, a look of terror in his eyes and there was nothing I could do to help. The first time, I told DH to get us to the ER. On the way, I prayed and tried to comfort him and he finally stopped crying, calmed down and by the time we were almost there, he was cooing and smiling. He farted and was happy. I guess its his tummy. The second time, I was home alone with him. I was crying along with him and I called my mom. Same thing happened. He did a big fart/poop and was cured. But it seems like that is pretty intense pain to go through for a little gas. I may ask the pediatrician at his appointment because surely he shouldn’t be have that intense pain when nothing has changed. No constipation or anything.
       Well this post is all roses and butterflies… I’m done with this crap weather. I’m sick of polar votexing, arctic blasting poop nuggets. I’m getting really depressed being stuck home and in the living room because once again, the rest of the house is shut off. I spend all night flushing toilets, doing laundry, and dripping pipes so they won’t freeze. I’m stuck home with a beautiful baby and all I want to do is take him for walks, go visit friends, show him off…. I don’t know if I have cabin fever, baby blues or just anxiety for no stinkin reason, but ever since the new year (and this poop weather) I haven’t felt like me. This seems to be a very resounding theme among the majority of my blogging friends so I’m thinking its got something to do with the season. I feel bad to complain when I’m here with so much cuteness, but there’s only so much living room entrapment I can take!
       I have lots of blog posts rolling around in my mind that I want to work on, but I don’t want them to all turn out like this.
     Dear God, please help me to be in a good state of mind so I can enjoy this time with Tru. Help me to do a good job taking care of him and I pray that You will heal him of whatever is bothering him so much lately. Please protect and bless him. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I guess I will share a few cute photos.
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I want to send a little traffic over to “help out”. I can totally relate to the last part there about wanting the opportunity to try IVF even if it doesn’t work. And yes, every little bit helps!!

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And they are only 1,000,000 pages into the book “Understanding Men.” A long way to go still….
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LOVE!!!
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Especially while doped up on all those fertility hormones.

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Then I do the peace sign.
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Oh no! I can see it now.
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This month more than ever!!!
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River! (My dog.)
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Haha! My milkshakes bring at least 1 boy to the yard now. Lol.
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All the time.

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My sisters!
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Oh my goodness. It took me a second.
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Once again. River.
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You can taste more hotdog this way.
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Static!!
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Please say this isn’t real.
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Cuteness!!! So much cuteness!
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I keep forgetting to post this.
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Aghhh! Yes.
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So gross! Painful looking.
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Goodnight….!

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