Archives for the month of: July, 2014

I believe today makes me 5 weeks pregnant. I think I ovulated on CD 18 which was July 5th. So going by LMP I would be farther along but there’s just no way. 😉 So if today is 21 DPO then I must be 5 weeks. Right? 

 

The list of symptoms I have had so far. Off and on. PLEASE JUST STAY!

  • Metallic taste in mouth – I also get this as a pre period symptom but not to this degree
  • Extra saliva
  • Peeing every few minutes
  • Cotton mouth
  • THIRSTY
  • Hungry but nothing sounds good
  • Queasiness now and then
  • Cramps
  • Stuffy nose but to be honest, it never really unstuffed after my pregnancy with Tru
  • Despite the stuffy nose, I think it is starting to sniff better
  • Total loss of breast milk. Tru has only nursed once in the last 24 hours because nobody wants a dry booby

I think that’s it. I wish that all the symptoms would stay and be strong because when they fade away I get worried. You know how it goes…. bring on the morning sickness!!! 😉 

 

I booked a first ultrasound for August 6th. (6 weeks 4 days) The RE wanted to see me August 8th but his receptionist asked me if I would be able to do August 6th. Ummm, YES PLEASE! 

 

Dear God, You put this little life inside me and I pray that You will continue to bless it according to Your will and that You will continue to help it live and grow and be strong and healthy. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

 

 

 

 

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We can breath again for a few minutes now. I think. I will try to but I’m not making any promises. 😉 

 

The RE called to tell me that they never got the beta results and while we were on the phone, someone handed them to him. Sigh of relief. My RE was happy with the increase and wants to do an ultrasound 2 weeks from today. 

 

My doubling time was 29.1 hours. 🙂 My last set of tests doubled in 30.1 hours. It helps to take my mind off the fact that I see quite a decrease in pregnancy symptoms and an increase in cramping. I think I am 20dpo today. I think but I’m not sure. 

 

My progesterone results from 5 days ago came back at 35 and he is happy with anything over 20 but wants me to continue on the PIO at 1ml which is 50mg. I am glad that he is thinking proactively. 

 

Dear God, thank You so much for a good beta and good doubling times. Please continue to bless this pregnancy according to Your will and please help this little baby to live and grow and be well and strong and healthy. In Jesus’ name, amen.

… and trying not to poop my pants. Why does stress do this to me? URGGG! I woke up early this morning and couldn’t fall asleep again so I headed off for my beta which is good because they should have it back before noon which means that by the time they notice it on the fax machine, the Dr signs off on it, the nurse calls me and I get up the guts to answer the phone, it should be about closing time. 

 

My nausea keeps going bye bye. I hate that! I know morning sickness is not necessary but it makes me feel better. Who doesn’t feel better when they are barfing? I mean, come on. 

 

I did great yesterday at controlling my nervousness. I didn’t freak out a single time. I have made up for it in the 3 hours I have been awake today though. 

 

Also, I’m thinking my progesterone must have actually been low because they ordered another progesterone test and this Dr is usually not big on checking progesterone in my experience. I hope the 1ml shot of PIO I am on is enough at the moment. I would be more than happy to bump it up though. 

 

Ok, enough jabbering. Dear God, please let me get good beta results according to Your will. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

Truett is growing like a weed! He still loves his daddy like crazy and seeing daddy come home is his favorite part of the day. He cries and crawls after DH when he leaves the room. 

 

I feel some more teeth trying to come in I think. His top gums feel a little more pronounced than usual. His bottom teeth are getting really tall! He is definitely enjoying foods that he can bite on a little bit. It’s a bit hard to get the consistency right for stage 3 when making homemade baby food but I just need to experiment more I think. I have found that Beechnut sells stage 3 meat and vegi blends that Tru loves. He likes to eat about 2 stage 3 jars now per meal. 

 

I guess we are going to go ahead and let Tru wean since that’s what he wants to do so much and my body has pretty much stopped making milk over the last few days. I really think it’s just too much for my body right now. I’m having a hard time drinking enough and today I have eaten a whole 1 and a half saltines. I’m not really feeling let downs any more while nursing and I only hear him gulping for a few seconds out of each nursing session. We will see how it goes but today he has just nursed once early in the morning and that was fine with him. He hasn’t wanted to nurse again. I gave him a bottle of thawed breast milk and he drank it fine. I think we very well may continue middle of night nursings because he does seem to like those times and possibly morning nursings because he generally does well with those. I know a lot of women nurse through pregnancy but I just don’t have the milk and he’s not that interested anyways. Plus, with my irritable uterus I think it would cause contractions. 

 

Tru loves our dog so much! He spent probably 10 minutes today just sitting next to him on the floor and petting him. The dog appreciated it greatly. Until Tru pulled his tail and ear. 😉 

I think that’s pretty much it! Dear God, I pray that You will watch over Tru and protect him. I ask that You will help us to teach him the things that You want him to learn and that we will train him properly. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

 

I love Tru's hair in this picture. He has such adorable bed head.

I love Tru’s hair in this picture. He has such adorable bed head.

 

He sleeps like this a lot.

He sleeps like this a lot.

 

At my niece's birthday party. I think Tru would live in there if he could.

At my niece’s birthday party. I think Tru would live in there if he could.

 

Love that face!!

Love that face!!

 

My niece was not impressed by her new car but Tru sure was! We put the seat belt on him but he wouldn't sit down! Thankfully they weren't actually driving.

My niece was not impressed by her new car but Tru sure was! We put the seat belt on him but he wouldn’t sit down! Thankfully they weren’t actually driving.

After repeated calls to the clinic all resulting in being sent to voicemail, I finally caved and asked the front desk for a nurse. (I know they have a billion other patients but come on people, I’m special. 😉 J/K) The front desk lady was RUDE RUDE RUDE!!!! She said things like “If you would let me talk…” and “If you would have started by letting me know you talked to Becky….”. She was trying to set me up for an appointment to get my results. I believe my exact answer was “No frickin’ way!!” She obviously didn’t like that. I told her I didn’t care which nurse I talked to. She was stuck on Becky because I talked to Becky yesterday. I said it didn’t matter and she said “Actually, that’s not the way it works.” Very condescending. I kindly hung up on her whilst saying thank you. That’s nice right? No? My bad. Remind me not to go to that clinic any more. They are too far away anyways…. 

 

Ok, now that I have that off my chest!! The number came back at 459 which doubled from 176 two days ago and is a doubling time of 30.37 hours which is awesome. That is a much more acceptable number according to Dr Google. I am shocked because I had actually given up. My back has ached so bad today since the middle of the night. It is crazy bad. I finally took some Tylenol and it didn’t do a thing!! I also haven’t eaten today yet. I tried to eat some crackers but I almost threw up. I wasn’t sure if it was stress causing the sickies or a baby. I guess it was the baby. I feel better now though so…. 

 

That’s about the gist of it all. I guess we will start PIO tonight since it arrived today. I’m done cheating to get extra betas. I swear. No, I actually don’t swear. We shall see, ok? How’s that?

 

Dear God, Thank You for a good beta today!! Please continue to provide according to Your will. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

The nurse’s line says to allow 72 hours for her to call. 72 hours? I think I would personally break into the lab at the hospital and read my own results before then… Ok, not seriously…. Well, maybe…. No. But what are they thinking???? HIRE SOME MORE NURSES MAYBE IF YOU ARE THAT SHORTHANDED!!!! 

I am getting ready to go for another beta. I have been up since around 4am this morning full of cramps, back pain and fear. The intense nausea I felt yesterday and had been feeling increasingly for the last week or so it much subsided. But that happened a lot in my pregnancy with Tru. Come and go symptoms for weeks. My POAS was lighter today than the first one I took but yesterday’s was darker than the day before. I am obsessing too much. Those things are crap anyways…. I hope. 

 

Incidentally, today is our 6th wedding anniversary. Yesterday we spent the day browsing the Amish stores in our area and walking out at the lake. A relaxed and happy day. A good distraction. But today Dh is back at work and I am a googleaholic. 

 

I wish I never googled “hcg 176 at 17dpo” or “hcg 176 at 16dpo” which is probably where I was when I had my first beta. Let me tell you… not a lot of encouraging stories with betas that low that late. I also feel terrible for googling it because – God has already done the impossible. I already got pregnant naturally which was NEVER supposed to happen. So why am I doubting that this baby will stick around? 

 

I can’t seem to sense the presence of this little one which DH thinks is a bunch of silliness anyways. But I swear, I could sense Tru’s presence as well as the presence of the other babies I had transfered and I could tell when they had gone. DH thinks I only sensed their presence because I knew they had been transfered. Maybe. But it is making me nervous. 

 

The cramping doesn’t help either. I had loads of it with Tru and would be worried if I didn’t have any but this low back pain is pretty disconcerting. 

 

Like I said, I should be trusting God. He’s already done the impossible. I just crave reassurance. I crave nice big beta numbers and good rises. The funny thing is, a cousin of DH’s posted her pregnancy announcement on FB yesterday. A positive confirmation pee test her Dr took. A pee test people. She was 4 weeks 5 days. A pee test. Not a beta. Normal people don’t usually do betas. They don’t sit around and stress out and loose sleep because their beta is a few points low or because it didn’t double as fast as lucy101 on babyandbump. Ya know what I mean? 

 

My RE called yesterday morning and told me that I definitely need to be on progesterone support. He wanted to order me Crinone but I HATE Crinone so he ordered me PIO. Butt shots are so much more preferable to oozy stuff in the whooha. Those shots are supposed to come today. Yesterday he had me take a Prometrium. I did have my progesterone checked but I don’t know if the results are back yet and they were low or if he is just being proactive. At any rate, he wouldn’t let me have another beta till Friday (!!!!) 4 days (4 DAYS) after the first one. Thankfully my regular GYNO’s office decided I could have one today. Pray for me, or rather, for the baby.

 

Dear God, please sustain the life of this precious little baby according to Your will. Thank You for the joy and blessing of carrying it and for the miracle that it is. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

I am in a complete state of shock right now. I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t even know how to announce this. I know that there is no easy way for me to break this news to those who are suffering from IF right now. I know how it feels. But I also know that there is a certain amount of hope that comes from reading these kinds of stories. So I will dive right in and tell you that I am pregnant. Infertile me. Wife of infertile DH. Pregnant. Naturally. Us who have less than 1% chance of conceiving naturally based on DH’s sperm count alone. Add my problems in there and…. you get the point. We were not trying. I wasn’t sure we had even BD on ovulation because we weren’t trying to hit that day. I guess we did!! 

 

Total shock. This morning I woke up feeling crampy like AF was coming any minute, or already here. The way I have felt for days now. I looked at my calendar and was actually able to remember when my last AF was. June 18. That makes today CD 34. I think I have been ovulating late, maybe around CD 18. Which makes me almost 5 weeks. Anyways, I remembered some OPKs I had bought last week that were still out in the truck. I got out of bed and went to get them. I had read that sometimes OPKs could be used at HPTs if the hCG was high enough. I was praying that if God wanted me to be pregnant, then good and if not then I would just go about my day waiting for AF. 

 

Top OPK with FMU. Middle OPK a few hours later. HPT from Dollar Store.

Top OPK with FMU. Middle OPK a few hours later. HPT from Dollar Store.

Positive! 3 hours after obsessively googling (yes, 3 hours), and reading that OPKs are possibly more likely to be positive if you are pregnant using FMU than later in the day, I took another. Fainter but still there for sure. I finally got off my butt and went to the dollar store to get a $1 HPT. Brought it home and positive! I immediately called my RE, MFM and regular GYNO trying to get ahold of someone who could order me a beta. 

 

Dollar store test. Same brand as I took with Truett.

Dollar store test. Same brand as I took with Truett.

I drove to town and waited in the hospital parking lot. Almost an hour (!!!!) after calling, they all called me back at almost the same time. I almost hung up on the nurse at the GYNO because my REs office was calling in. I got my beta, progesterone and estrogen drawn almost an hour (!!!!!) after I talked to them. My MFM wouldn’t order the beta for me so I am glad that the RE’s office did. The nurse at my MFM’s office said that with 3 positive tests, I didn’t need any blood work and she had me schedule a U/S, intake and first appointment. 

 

Since the RE’s office wasn’t supposed to get my beta results until tomorrow (it was almost 4pm when I got it drawn), I stopped by Walgreen’s and dropped $20 (more than I have ever paid for a HPT) on a Clearblue Weeks Indicator. 

 

The expensive but WAYYYYYYY cheaper than IVF test.

The expensive but WAYYYYYYY cheaper than IVF test.

Positive 2-3 weeks. I then got a call from the RE while DH was driving me to pick up the Lovenox  that my MFM ordered. (Took my first shot today.) Beta 176! A little low for 17dpo but I WILL TAKE IT!!! God brought us this far. He can take us all the way if it is His will. 

 

Daddy's surprise. ;)

Daddy’s surprise. 😉

DSCN2259

I told DH by giving him a baby shower gift bag with pink, blue and yellow tissue paper with 2 tests. Utter shock!!! He kept saying “Are you serious?” He is beside himself with happiness. He immediately called his mom and we showed the test to my parents and siblings and 1 cousin. He also called his sister. We are pretty trigger happy. But we want to rejoice while we have the opportunity and be happy in the moment. I don’t want to waste a moment of this pregnancy being pessimistic, even though that is my usual tendency. I know that our first reaction is to guard our emotions, but that doesn’t change the outcome. 

 

To those IRL, sorry I didn’t have the time or energy to call you individually. I know that your pants are shocked off either way! Love you guys. Pray for us please. 🙂 

 

It is still so crazy early. 4 weeks 5 days. Please pray for us that the beta will double appropriately and that God will continue to watch over this precious little surprise. I am just praying that God will sustain the life of this little one according to His will. Please God! In Jesus’ name, amen.

Truett had his 9 month check-up and he is now 19lbs and 1oz in the 50th percentile, 29 inches long in the 70’s, and head circumference of 45.5cm in the 75th. He also got his iron tested with a finger prick. (12. something) He thought the nurse was just holding his hand until she pricked his finger. He looked at her like “I’ll just take my hand back now.” but he didn’t cry. When we passed her in the hall later, he was happy to flirt with her. Silly boy.

Checking out his bandaid.

Checking out his bandaid.

That lady poked me... I thought we were just holding hands.

That lady poked me… I thought we were just holding hands.

Tru flirts with all the ladies now. I don’t know what I am supposed to do with him! Always flashing that adorable smile and those pretty blue eyes.

 

DH’s work took all the employees and their families on a trip to an amusement park. We had a great time. I had really been looking forward to going because I went last year while I was pregnant and had a blast even though I couldn’t ride anything. Well, this year I still didn’t get to ride much of anything although we did take Tru on the Merry-Go-Round. He loved it at first and was being really cute watching the horse go up and down but it started to get to his stomach and he wanted me to hold him. We also took him out on a paddle boat and a little mini motor boat, bith of which he loved. Except for the straight life jacket. He didn’t take a nap all day at the park until we left! It was so sad because he couldn’t even keep his eyes open but yet he was refusing to sleep.

Tru's favorite person in the world now. Who cares about mom when you can be best buds with dad?

Tru’s favorite person in the world now. Who cares about mom when you can be best buds with dad?

Down by the River.

Down by the River. Oh, that’s also my new haircut. lol.

Cool fountain.

fountain

Tru liked the fountain.

Tru liked the fountain.

Pretty landscaping at amusement park.

Pretty landscaping at amusement park.

On a boat at the amusement park.

On a boat at the amusement park.

 

I took Tru swimming for the first time at my Aunt’s house. He loved it!! He wasn’t too sure about the water temp but once he got used to it he was splashing and kicking around. He was happy to be held or sit in his float. He wasn’t a bit scared which isn’t necessarily a good thing. I finally had to take him out of the water after a couple hours because it was overcast and he was starting to shiver but he was in no way ready to get out so I lifted him out of the water still in his float so he was kind of faked out. It was adorable.

 

Tru wouldn't let go of that ball even after getting out of the pool. His favorite toy right now is a little soft ball. Seems so boring to me.

Tru wouldn’t let go of that ball even after getting out of the pool. His favorite toy right now is a little soft ball. Seems so boring to me.

Tru  has become SUCH a daddy’s boy lately. If DH is in the room, Tru is right next to him. He loves nothing more than for us to get on the floor and let him climb all over us. Meaning that he pulls out my hair and loves on DH’s nose. If DH leaves the room, Tru crawls after him crying and screaming. It’s both adorable and heart breaking. DH has made it no secret that he is quite flattered.

Ah! Its been a long day.

Ah! Its been a long day.

Eating boiled pears. Not an easy finger food after all.

Eating boiled pears. Not an easy finger food after all.

Passed out at Grandma's.

Passed out at Grandma’s.

Watching a little TV. *gasp*

Watching a little TV. *gasp*

Addicted to teething wafers now. They do keep him happy...

Addicted to teething wafers now. They do keep him happy…

 

I have stopped trying to nurse Tru on my right side. He has NEVER EVER liked that side for some odd reason even though I always made plenty of milk over there. I gave up on it and he has fought nursing less since realizing that he only gets the side he likes. I’m still nursing him when he is sleepy and that is working MUCH better. I am so happy about it but I still feel a little panic when I think about weaning…

 

I am trying to start planning for his first birthday party. I *think* I might go with a tiger theme. Haven’t discussed it with DH yet. It just occurred to me the other day that Oct is VERY close!! I better get a move on.

 

Went clothes shopping for Tru. I think the last time I went was Feb or March. I spent $39 on 24 shirts, pants, shorts and sleepers. I love the thrift store! Their baby clothes are like new. In fact, some of them even still have the tags on them. Tru is mostly wearing 12-18 months now.

 

Dear God, I pray that You will help me and DH to do a good job raising Tru and that we will raise him with love and patience and that we will train him up in the way he should go. Thank You for all of Your blessings on us. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I have debated on whether I even want to post this because I know about all the silly Mommy Wars and Mommy Guilt that people like to heap up all over the place. But this blog is as much my journal documenting my journey through infertility, ivf, pregnancy and now motherhood as it is something for others to read. So read it at your own risk. If you get offended, well, that was never my intention. This is how I feel about MY breast feeding experience with my baby. It isn’t how I think everyone else should feel and it’s not meant to convince anyone of anything. You feed your baby the way you want to and you will be doing it right whether that is formula feeding, breast feeding for a day, a month or a year (or 4 years!!). You literally can’t do it wrong as long as your baby is being taken care of.

 

Also, I feel compelled to add that, I have strong feelings about me breast feeding my baby because I couldn’t get pregnant “naturally”, couldn’t carry him without lots of hormone and medicine help (and the grace of God, and couldn’t give birth “naturally” or even semi naturally. Breast feeding was literally the only thing I had left to do that was “natural” and I was bound and determined I was going to get to do ONE FREAKING THING THE WAY I WANTED TO.

Tru has been going on nursing strike and refusing to breastfeed even though we were not giving him any liquids in bottles, cups etc. NOT GOOD. 2 days in a row he nursed only once and absolutely refused to nurse again. We are talking biting me when I tried to latch him on and throwing himself back having a tantrum from me trying to nurse him. By the second day, I gave in and let him have a little rice milk since he would never drink my frozen breast milk. I also started pumping several times a day so I could give him that. I knew that he wouldn’t take formula since he’s never had it and he hates my own frozen milk generally so I am positive he would hate formula. I was only getting about an ounce per 20 min pumping session though. That is just depressing to me. Eventually he got to where he would take the bottle with my frozen milk in it so he wouldn’t dehydrate while I figured out what to do and how to do it.  So, I went to kellymom.com and read about babies weaning at 9 months and what I read said that it is rare for babies under a year to self wean but it does happen. They talked about nursing strikes but what really stood out to me was a part that said something along the lines of it not really being entirely up to the baby. Mom is also allowed to be part of the descision. That part of the article really got me thinking. I am not ready to wean. It broke me down into a sobbing mess thinking that I was going to have to go from nursing 3 times a day at least and again in the night to just being done. Just boom, it’s over mom.

 

 9 months in 9 months out is actually quite good for breast feeding and I don’t want anyone to think that I am saying that breast feeding has to be for a certain amount of time for it to be successful. Just for me personally, I always thought I would be fine weaning at 9 months. Especially with my baby having big beaver teeth that he regularly bites me with. But the truth is, I am not emotionally ready. I want to get to a year. A year feels right to me. A year is what I had agreed on in my mind once we got our breast feeding relationship off the ground. A year. It’s not asking too much.

 

I had a chat with his pediatrician about it and she said that sometimes babies do wean that early but that if he does continue to wean and we use all my frozen milk (I don’t know how much I have. Maybe a month supply?) and if I can’t pump enough to meet his demands that I would have to try to get him to take formula until he is a year because, of course, he can’t have cows milk until then.  So, bit by bit, I have been trying to learn what it is that made Tru want to wean and what I can do to encourage him to nurse. One thing for sure is that he is afraid if he nurses he will fall asleep. He hardly ever does fall asleep nursing but it is something he fears. I figured that out finally. So the best times for me to nurse him is when he wants to fall asleep instead of when he just got up or right before or after I feed him solids. It needs to be a time where he is happy with the idea of falling asleep. Changing that alone got us back on track again. For now. I am taking this one day at a time. We will see how much farther we get. Every day is just another little victory. Another day that I don’t have to pump my boobs off to make sure Tru has enough milk. Another day closer to a year. Another day for me to work through the emotional process of weaning my baby and realizing that we are almost done with that now.

 

The great thing is, his pedi said that with the variety and amount that Tru eats of solids, he is getting his caloric needs from food now and I am just supplying a little extra nutrician and his fluids that he needs so I no longer have to produce huge amounts of milk to satisfy him. That was a relief to hear because this milk supply is not going to come back up to 8 oz a pumping session, I can tell you that right now!

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