Archives for the month of: December, 2013

Help!! I don’t understand what’s going on! I’ve had issues ever since 2 days after the baby was born with major oversupply. My deep freezer has somewhere around 400 oz of milk in it. I’ve pumped and dumped hundreds more while on medicine. Now suddenly, I noticed my supply was dropping a little bit over the last week. I woke up yesterday with almost no milk. Pumping is only yielding less than 2 ounces at a time. The baby is nursing almost constantly. He’s been waking up every 2 to 3 hours at night. Still my milk supply is not increasing any! I’m drinking water and taking alfalfa pills but I’m drying up. What the heck is going on? Where did all of my milk go? I’ve been majorly engorged for half of the time since he’s been born what is happening now? He’s only 12 weeks he’s not ready to wean yet! Is it because my cycles have already started back up? Is my milk going to come back if I keep pumping every few hours and taking alfalfa? I’m really worried. Even with all of my frozen milk we would only last a few weeks before having to use formula. Its not that I think formula is the devil or anything its just that I worked so stinkin hard and fought so long to get past the beginning horrible mess of breastfeeding and now I barely have gotten to 3 months and I’m drying up like an old cow! I fought through breast infection and thrush in my bbs. This just doesn’t seem right! What can I do? Is it over now because my cycles have returned? Please help!!!

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     I almost missed this week! I got so busy and forgot what day we were on. We had a wonderful Christmas. The first truly merry Christmas we’ve had in years. I’m sure you can guess why. Last Christmas Eve, I took my first Lupron shot for IVF number 2. I had debated all day on whether I should take it. I was trying to decide which RE to go with and the one was ready to start treatment but the other one (the one I ended up using the second time) I hadn’t even met yet. I had an appointment scheduled though and he managed to use the cycle I had started with my previous RE. I’m so glad I took that shot agaist the advice of everyone telling me to wait for spring. DH found out I took it and I think he was suprised. But I was ready to move on and try again. Its amazing how God orchestrated that. You just never know what the future holds and how things will turn out.
       The baby got way too much for Christmas but its all good because its things he needs. He got clothes of course which he was growing out of practically everything he had. I got him 3 sleepers and a play mat at Once Upon A Child which is a used children’s clothes and toys store. I also got him an ornament. His grandpa got him an ornament and so did his great grandma. He also got diapers! Yay!! And a few toys including a child’s touchscreen phone. Yes. Its seriously touchscreen. Starting kids young on technology appearently. Crazy!
image Hand me down wubbanub. We changed the binky on it. Tru seems to like holding onto the dog. Sometimes he pulls it out of his mouth. I think its ridiculously cute!

      Truett had an ultrasound on his hips this week to make sure they are not out of place ect, and they are perfect so that’s good news.
image I have to wear a widdle baby wristband and get an ultrasound on my widdle baby hips. I frowns but I good!

He also got his picture made at JC Penny. We went to 3 parties and a play. By Christmas day, we were all frazzeled from being up early and gone late for 4 days. Tru had a pretty grouchy Christmas. Poor guy. He was sick of being passed around and people coughing on him, spitting on him, kissing him, and talking to him like he’s deaf. He was also tired of flashing cameras. And I was done with it too. Ready to get my baby back and give him a good bath. I understand people wanting to hold him, and I don’t mind his aunts, uncles and grandparents holding and kissing him some but really… people need to understand, if they are sick, back off!!! He’s just a baby. He can’t handle your awful cold that makes you cough up your lungs!! And DH and I are usually pretty quiet people. We aren’t really super loud-in-your-face, over excited, jumping up and down to get Tru’s attention. Some babies like that. Tru is not one of them. And one more thing…. please don’t wait until he’s having an inconsolable meltdown to give him back to me. Thanks!
        Ok. Had to get that rant off my chest on here. After 3 parties, I was getting a little frustrated.
       Tru is wearing 3-6 months clothing now. Some of his outfits (Carter’s) are size 6 months and he fits them great. He’s only just about 3 months! I’ve packed up a lot of clothes. I can’t bring myself to get rid of anything yet. Hopefully, I have another baby someday to wear at least some of it. He has quite a few unisex clothes. Especially onesies. I think he’s about 15 pounds now. Maybe a bit less. I’m so happy with his weight gain and nice chubby cheeks. My dad calls him chubsters. Sometimes I call him piggy sqig but since I longed for a little Tru for so many years (and it still feels surreal that I have him) I try to stick to his name mostly.
image I made these cookies for one of the parties. I saw the idea in a Parents. Magazine.

       I am boring myself. I wish I was a better blogger. Ok, not really. Well kind of. I don’t know. Anyways, I’m a good reader, ok commenter sometimes,and boring blogger. At least I get it half right.
       Dear God, thank You for our wonderful Christmas this year. Please keep Tru and me and DH all healthy and safe this winter. Thank You for all of our many blessings this year and always. In Jesus’ name, amen.
      

      I thought it might be fun to do some silly post once a week. It may not always be on Friday! We shall see if I can actually keep up with this…. We can all use something funny sometimes though!
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This just speaks for itself! For all us dog lovers.
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Agreed!
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At my house, its the other way around.
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Thank you all my dear blogging buddies!
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So…. I just don’t watch it!!! Ever! Never will. No thanks!
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Hahaha!!! Yeah, I guess that’s about right!
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But she’s so cute!!!
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Why is there a creepy picture in the background of the 4th scene???
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No. His 5 minutes is way longer than mine!!
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Hehehe!!
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Next year!!
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Please!!!! 🙂 I’ve been good!
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What? I wasn’t listening.
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I always do this!!!

And now for something serious ….
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Have a good day! 🙂

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       As you can see in the pictures, we had fun wrapping presents this year. All we have got the little dude so far is an ornament though. I’ve been so busy getting gifts ready for everyone else. Its ok though. He won’t remember his first Christmas. I do want to go to Once Upon A Child and get him some clothes. He’s down to 4 potato sacks and maybe 2 sleepers that fit for sleeping in. Hes outgrowing all his outfits too!! He’s getting so big! If I don’t go shopping soon, he may end up nakers!
       Not much new going on with the baby this week. I think we are getting ready to hit a new milestone soon. He just jabbers up a storm all day! I still can hardly put him down all day. He’s very clingy. But its fine because I love it!! He still fusses around 9pm until we lay him in his bed. I kiss him goodnight, and he coos until he falls asleep. He’s perfect! I don’t mind bragging because I figure I may as well brag about him before he reaches some new, not so brag-worthy stage.
      That’s really about the gist of our week. Happy, cute, fat baby!
       Dear God, please bless all of my friends who are struggling through this Christmas season. I pray that they will be blessed with their own babies in the coming year. Please protect and watch over Truett and keep him healthy and safe. In Jesus’ name, amen.
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“Mom, the other kids will think I look silly!”

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I made a lot of mistakes in dealing with both my IF as well as my husband’s. I thought this was a really good post so I’m reblogging it in hopes it might help someone else.

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…and by God.
      When people get this card this year from us, some of them will have almost no idea what all we went through to get to have one of these cute little family photo cards. I never did one before this year. I’m very open about out IF struggle. Just a lot of people don’t know the whole story. They will just see a young couple and their adorable baby. (He is adorable!!! Right? ;)) And that’s probably as far as their thoughts will go. They won’t see 5&1/2 years waiting, crying and praying, 6 clinics including 3 ob/gyns, 1 urologist, and 6 RE’s. 2 surgeries, 2 iuis, 2 ivfs and hundreds of shots, pills and hormones. They will just see a very normal looking family. I guess that’s what we always wanted. And yet, I don’t feel normal. Not at all. I’m not sure what I feel. Surreal comes to mind. In disbelief and infinitely grateful. Scarred by the experience but thankful for it. I see motherhood in a way that I know I personally wouldn’t have. I think I just would have taken it for granted. Now I value motherhood at a very very high price. Every moment is a precious gift and a miracle. Every little fussy cry or dirty diaper, a privilege to tend to. All brought to us by God, blood, sweat and tears.

People keep asking me when we are planning to try again for a baby and if we are using “protection” now. (As a side note, personally I hate that word. It makes babies sound like little villains that you need protection from. And it makes pregnancy sound like something awful. I know way too many people who would just love to be invaded!!) I nearly laugh when they ask if we are preventing a pregnancy. Are you kidding??? We would LOVE to get pregnant again! Even right now if it happened naturally, we would be thrilled! That would mean we no longer need IVF and we could save tons of money and time and pain on a second try.

       In terms of when we might try IVF to get pregnant again, (Because we will always be open to natural conception…. YEAH RIGHT! Like that’s gonna happen!)  DH went from saying “NEVER!” during my pregnancy to “Maybe in 4 years” after Tru was born to “He has to be weaned first” and “When hes out of diapers we can try again.” To which I replied “I will have him potty trained next month!!” Just kidding. I am not quite ready to do IVF again yet. Mostly because I am enjoying Tru so much and I haven’t even recovered from his birth yet. But I know that somewhere down the road, I will definitely want to try IVF again. (Barring that elusive, natural conception.) It makes me feel anxiety to think about doing IVF again. I worry that it wont work and if it does that the pregnancy might not be successful. It felt way too good to be true when I was pregnant with Truett. Of course, it was too good. And it was Tru. Like that little play on words? Anyways, all that aside, there is no doubt in my mind that I want all this again someday. I want all the precious baby kicks and having that little life growing inside me. And I get very depressed if I think for too long that it might never happen again and that I might have enjoyed that all for the first and last time. I also worry that we will lose our good insurance and have to pay entirely out of pocket and even though if that’s what it comes to I would gladly work to save the money again and pay for it; it would be a lot easier if we could use up the insurance money first. We have about 1 cycle left I think. I have thought about doing an egg retrieval and freezing my eggs so that if we later don’t have insurance we would only have to pay for ICSI and transfer. Of course they would also want to do a SIS and trial transfer before every IVF so I would have to pay for that too as well as any blood work. But it would still save us the cost of stims, monitoring and retrival. I don’t know if I can do a stim cycle with ER though while im breastfeeding. That’s a lot of hormones that would be getting into the breast milk and I’m sure they would have to get me cycling again even if it was “artificial” periods. I wonder too about the high estrogen cocktail drying up my milk. I think I might ask DH how he feels about it though just in case. Plus I want to make sure we do this while my eggs are still good. The clinic I use has very good success rates with frozen eggs. I am very concerned about DH becoming sterile in the meantime though since his count is looking that way. Ahhhhh! So many things to think about and unfortunately, we don’t have all the time in the world to think them over! I really want to make sure that we do the right thing. We know we want more kids. We know we want siblings for Tru. Just knowing when to actually move forward with IVF again is hard because I feel like infertility took such a toll on us. I think we need time now not focused on TTC since that’s been the focus of our entire 5 and a half years of marriage. The only time together that we have had where we weren’t thinking about TTC was when I was actually pregnant. And that was another matter all in itself. I guess that’s why ER now sounds good with actual IVF happening after we have a chance to rekindle a little non-TTC romance (what’s that like?) and after we have some time to really enjoy having our precious little boy. Maybe late next year or early 2015 we could move forward with the rest of the process. This is all just me thinking though as I have no idea what we will end up doing if anything and what DH will want to do. (Probably nothing yet. Understandably, but not entirely practical.)

      Thanks for listening, errr, reading. Its nice to have a sounding board sometimes of people that I know will understand and since I don’t know any IVFers IRL, its nice to talk to all my bloggy friends who actually know a thing or 2 about what we’ve gone through and what I’m talking about. Not that my IRL friends don’t care….. It’s just not something I can easily explain.

     Yesterday was Truett’s 2 month checkup. Everything checked out well. I was a little worried about some swollen lymph nodes behind his ears but the pediatrician said they were fine since they are spongy and small. He weighs 12#15oz now and is 23” long. So he has more than doubled his birth weight and is in the 75th percentile for weight and 50th for height. We couldn’t help but laugh about his head circumference though. At 40.5cm, his head is in the 90th percentile. The pedi mentioned twice that it’s probably because one of his parents might have a large head. So I couldn’t help but wonder the whole time if she thought my head looked big. DH was so reassuring when I told him about it saying that my head is “pretty big!!” I don’t know if he is pulling my leg or what. Oh well. As long as I don’t look like Jay Leno I should be fine. 😉

      I also had an appointment with the gyno yesterday because I haven’t stopped bleeding for more than a few days here and there since the birth. Actually, I spotted for a whole week and a half before I delivered if I remember right so its been a really long term thing and I am just beyond tired of it. She gave me a 10 day script for Provera which is supposed to make my body think it ovulated and I don’t know if im supposed to have a period after that or what. I just hope it stops the bleeding. She checked me for anemia too since this has been so long. And she made me do a pregnancy test before she would let me have the Provera even though I told her multiple times that DH and I had not resumed “relations” yet due to the bleeding ect. Somehow that just wasn’t good enough so I had to take the test. The nurse came up and whispered “its negative hun” after they did the test which I already knew but it made me feel depressed that I’ve started back on the whole negative pregnancy tests thing again. I was hoping to never get another negative test as long as I lived and they made me ruin those intentions. I’ve had so many negative tests in my life. It’s like a slap in the face. I mean the word after all is NEGATIVE. It just puts you in a bad mood.

       Speaking of a bad mood. I was thinking the other day how awful it must feel to be a baby. No wonder they cry sometimes!! I would too! (I did.) 😉 First, you have to wear a giant scratchy wad between your legs all the time. And sometimes it’s really warm and squishy. And if no one notices that, it starts to sting your butt and make it hurt and itch. If that happens, you end up with a big greasy load in your butt crack that feels really nasty in between your cheeks but it does help with the soreness. Then you have to wear whatever your mom and dad dress you in. You don’t really care what it looks like because you don’t know about such things yet but it’s still annoying because sometimes you can’t get your feet out of it no matter how much you kick. Your parents still think you need a blanket that covers your feet even though you already have these socks on and you really hate wearing socks to bed! When you cry about it, they just stick this rubber binky in your mouth that you don’t like. But if you spit it out they just put it back in over and over to make you think you are getting a booby or something even though you know better. And why does the booby always spray milk into your mouth? No matter how much you scream at it, when you are all done eating it still keeps spaying milk into your mouth so you never can just lay there and relax with a nice warm, cozy booby. After you get done with the booby, your mom bangs on your back and its kind of annoying because she won’t stop unless you burp. Plus you can never get to the other side of the room to get a closer look at that picture you’ve been breaking your eyeballs to see. You look right at it and scream but nobody understands and they keep trying to give you gas drops and that nasty binky….. Sigh!

       There’s not too much new going on this week. Just lots of smiles and “goo”s with the occasional laugh. Truett doesn’t like to be put down during the day much. Come bedtime, its another story and he will literally fuss until he is laid down in his bed for the night. Usually by 8:30 to 9pm he is ready for bed. I lay him down and cover him with his blankets, sometimes he takes his binky. I kiss his head, tell him I love him and he usually lays in bed and coos for a bit until he falls asleep. But during the day he will hardly nap and usually never more than a half hour at a time if we are home. For some reason, he naps better if we are out doing errands or at someone else’s house. I think he likes the noise and it’s like it is too quiet here to sleep. He nurses about every 2 hours during the day and gets up once in the night around 3-4am and then again around 7am. After the 7am feeding he generally will fall back to sleep after a bit until about 10am. I can’t complain. He is a practically perfect baby and I am going to enjoy the heck out of this for however long it will last. After our rough, sleepless start of feeding every 2-3 hours around the clock for a whole month, this feels like a dream! I really didn’t think it was too bad in the beginning though. I thought all babies got up that often until I was informed that is not generally the case.

       He is taking a rare nap now. I should hurry up and get a quick shower! Thanks for reading! God bless.

        Dear God, I pray that You will lead and guide Tru throughout his life to know right and do right and to love and serve You. I pray that You will help us to train him up in the way he should go, and when he old he will not depart from it. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I’m just going to reblog this. Its exactly what I wanted to say but couldn’t find the words. (And was too lazy to try) I couldn’t have said it better anyways. Thanks Theresa!! 🙂

Journey To the Finish Line

Sunday during a brief “break” in the weekend, I brought the twins into the living room with me and started hanging ornaments on the Christmas Tree. I picked a Christmas station on iTunes radio and filled the green branches with bulbs, snowflakes and crazy characters while Miles sat in the bouncy seat and Abby bounced in the bouncer (aka “command center”). I had hoped to get all the ornaments up but instead I stopped about 75% of the way through, no longer feeling the same excitement and motivation. I walked away, leaving it unfinished.

Through all the months of infertility, one of the things I dreaded most was the holidays. Christmas was of particular significance when Bryan and I had a talk about how it was affecting me and what our future plans would be. On the other hand,  one of the things I most looked forward to when our…

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     Wow! Another week has slipped by us. Where does the time go? I feel like life is just flying by. It goes faster every year, I swear.
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     Tru has been smiling so much this week. He has learned his first word. (Ok, I know its not like he actually knows he’s saying a word or anything. I’m not that delusional.) He says “goo” when he is happy and trying to get his happy out. He also has laughed a few times. Its crazy. A few weeks ago, he slept 22 hours a day. He even ate in his sleep. Now he’s awake almost all day. Smiling, laughing and saying “goo”. Its too adorable!
     Tru is now wearing 3-6mo clothes. He’s almost doubled his birth weight at 12lbs 10oz.  He’s
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not so little anymore. I must make really high calorie milk. Which is weird to me because I have a really low calorie diet right now since I never have time to eat. This guy keeps me busy! I don’t know how twin moms do it. Not to mention high order multiples! Its a lot of work but the most rewarding job I can imagine.
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      Getting ready for Christmas is a work in progress but its far from complete. I think this year I may end up rushing around at the last minute. I did a little more shopping today but its far from done. We have decided if DH’s family is on board, we want to just draw names next year and buy for one person. It’s too expensive and I hate getting people useless crap they don’t need/want. We already draw names for my family and have for years and its tons better. Not to sound like scrooge but I’m poor! Well, not poor but.. you know.
      I had plans for an awesomer post but that was this morning. After fighting the pre-snow shopping mob today, I’m ready to hit some major hay. (Go to bed.) So another awesome post is reduced to boring rubish. Again. Suprise!! Not.
      Dear God, please watch over all our friends and loved ones during this time of year and always. Keep them safe on the roads and out of harms way. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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