Archives for the month of: May, 2020

So, a break from all that is stressful and scary in life right now to focus on some positive things going on with our family. 🙂

  • 3 weeks ago our goat gave birth 2 days early to triplets. 2 boys and 1 girl. I had noticed she was showing signs of labor (for those interested in details this includes: her udder was bagged out, ligaments in her hip area loosened up and softened, her belly hung lower and her whole back end drooped downwards. I’ll spare you the other signs lol) since the day before and had checked on her through the night a few times just to find her contracting but not distressed. I drove DH to the hospital for his ultrasound that day so he could work while we drove (3 hour drive round trip) and my sisters M and K came over to check on the goat and watch the boys. I returned home to a goat still in labor and not making progress. She pushed for a long time and I started to get worried as she was getting to the point of being too worn out to hold her head up. Eventually it was time to intervene (which I had read as much as I could to prepare and watched a few YouTube videos but wasn’t really expecting that I’d have to) but thankfully with a little help and lots of prayers on my part, the goat was able to finally birth all 3 babies safe and sound. The smallest goat, which is oddly also the one who was stuck, had a bit of a shaky start but I brought him inside and syringe fed him some colostrum from our goat and he gained strength quickly. A few days of supplementing with bottles and pretty soon he was strong enough to fight his siblings for milk. Obviously these baby goats have been quite the highlight for our family and little farmer Zane would gladly sit and hold his goats for hours if he could. The males will have to be sold soon but the female is a keeper. She’s a gorgeous blue eyed girl and DH has dubbed her, Lucy.

Just snuggling the kids. Nothing to see here….

Big brown eyed buckling

Lucy

Little blue eyed buckling

They love sucking our fingers

I promise, they don’t actually live in our house. But we did bring the babies inside to play with them during bottle time the first week. Now they stay outside. I promise.

  • Our human kids are doing great also. Quayd is almost 10 months old and has 4 teeth now (2 on top and 2 on bottom) and is so close to walking on his own. He speed crawls and bear crawls (his knees are red and sore!) and zips around the room holding on to the couch and chair and whatever else he can stabilize his little cute self with. He’s outgrowing his fussiness largely and is really really fun to play with. He still has a major temper and makes us laugh sometimes with his rage face but then he’s right back to happy again. Mainly he gets mad at either not getting to crawl where he wants to (usually bathrooms because toilets are very fun to splash in and also the dishwasher would be very exciting to climb inside of), not getting to play with whatever his brothers have and not getting picked up when he feels he has surpassed the acceptable length of time wherein he can entertain himself on the floor. He’s not one to waste time with fussing. He’s just all-in with an extremely high pitched rage scream and then he’s fine again. 😂
  • I forget if Quayd’s last update included that he now sleeps in his own room for bedtime and naps. This has resulted in him sleeping almost always through the night, thank God. Poor Zane has had to adjust to sleeping in the pack and play in our bedroom temporarily. He’s actually not too upset about it and sleeps great aside from us waking him up earlier than he likes to wake up in the morning because, alarms. I would move him back into his room with Quayd but now Zane has learned how to climb in and out of the crib and pack and play. I’m worried he will try to sleep in bed with Quayd which would likely be a huge disturbance for Quayd and also, not safe. Zane can sleep with no less than 2,587 stuffed animals and blankies and yes, he makes sure they’re all there.

And also, the Tod can’t sleep without his head covered. 😲😬

  • We have now called Zane “Tod” (affectionately) so much that I’m not sure any of us really remember that’s not his actual name. He does refer to himself as Zane sometimes though, so maybe all isnt lost. He calls Levi “Wavī” and yesterday Levi informed he that he likes the name Zane calls him better. Zane has no problem pronouncing everyone else’s names. I like some of his other pronunciations really well. For example: “chickets” for chickens and “tracor” for tractor (our neighbor has one and Zane will watch him for ages). He is still all about the “baba chockit” (chocolate milk), although I have gotten him mostly off the chocolate part so that he’s back to just drinking milk. But he still calls it “chockit”. I’m still pumping for him but not as often. I’ve mostly dropped pumping at bedtime and only pump in the morning when I have to. I get usually between 6-12 ounces in the morning if I do pump, but if I can just nurse Quayd extra, I do that instead.
  • It’s June tomorrow guys. June. I haven’t done a darn thing yet this year. Spring either didn’t happen or I hibernated right through it, I don’t know. But my favorite season is half over and I didn’t even appropriately document it with 8,694 pictures of flowers that I’ll never look through. So that’s disappointing. Hopefully we get to go on vacation or something to kind of “use up” some of the good weather. I bought the boys new sand for the sandbox yesterday which is probably as close as we will be getting to the beach anytime soon. DH isn’t going to be doing any long strenuous hikes for awhile either but I’d still relish a drive through the mountains. I think Colorado is calling. 😊
  • Tru and Levi are doing fabulous. Levi is still his charming sweet self, picking flowers for his mommy every few days so I have a continuous supply on my counter. He’s a sweetheart. Tru is becoming this little prankster person and enjoys scaring me and then laughing about it. Delightful child, takes after his father. He has developed this little laugh that he does all the time and it’s infectious. DH laughs every time Tru does. 😂 I feel like Tru and Levi are my little bffs now. They love talking about stuff and are way too smart. Smarter than me, by far. Today in a real Napoleon Dynamite moment, Tru asked if the chickens feet are talons. (he’s not familiar with the movie) I’m gonna be laughing about that for a long time….

Flowers from Levi and also paint samples because it’s a great time to remodel the kitchen, right?

Naptime is over so I’m signing off. Until next time, God bless you all. ❤️

DH had his surgery to remove the testicle with the mass on May 21st. We arrived to the hospital at 12pm and surgery took place around 1:15pm. Praise God, I was allowed in the hospital with him before and after and I waited with his parents in the parking lot during the surgery. At 2:20pm the nurse called me to come in and sit with him. They said everything went well and the dr came in to talk with us after that. He believes the mass was contained and we are waiting on pathology results now. The Dr explained that DH does have elevated tumor markers but a negative HCG, which means it’s not likely to be choriocarcinoma, which is a relief.

DH went home with his parents for the night after the surgery and came home the following evening (He wanted to stay longer but I was an emotional wreck without him. I just needed to hold him!) Thankfully his recovery has been smooth and he’s had very little pain whatsoever after the first day. He’s been using ice and took ibuprofen once in the last 3 days. He’s 5 days post op now and worked from home today. It was a little uncomfortable to sit upright as it makes his incision bend but he has spent the evening resting in the recliner and feels pretty good. Definitely anxious to get back to his usual routine and being able to lift the kids again. Thankfully they have all been careful around him and haven’t jumped on him, although I kept a mountain of pillows on him the first few days.

Still hoping and praying for good news! Thankful for DH’s positive outlook and that he’s been pretty much himself with his mood after the first couple days. The first 2 days after were hard for him to process and it was worrying me as I felt him distancing emotionally. But we had some good talks and a quiet day together while his mom and sister watched the 3 older kids and we stayed home with just Quayd. I feel like that day helped us both get back in perspective and afforded us the uninterrupted time to talk about how we felt. It’s tough emotionally, the unknown. And surgery is never easy. But I do believe God has blessed us with peace during this time.

I don’t know how to title this post. I don’t think there is a simple way to title the current chaos of life right now or the emotions that I have.

*Personal information ahead involving anatomy. Possibly disturbing to close family.*

About 2 months ago I noticed a hard mass on DH’s testicle. I immediately knew it wasn’t normal and wasn’t something that should be there. He hadn’t had pain or noticed it himself but he tried to assure me that it was probably just a bruise from where one of the kids accidentally smacked him, but I wasn’t so sure. Bruises aren’t rock hard masses that get larger over time. But this did. Finally I convinced him to see a urologist who, for whatever reason, thought everything seemed normal (😶😶😶😶😶) but sent DH for an ultrasound 3 days later to just make sure.

Side note: I can’t understand how it is possible to think what was going on is normal. I just can’t imagine…

The ultrasound tech immediately saw the swelling but assured DH that he shouldn’t worry and that it looked like a hematoma to her but added that she’s no dr and can’t say for sure. So we drove home feeling relieved but also thinking how odd it was that a hematoma would last so long and wondering if it would need treatment. That evening a nurse called and moved DH’s telehealth visit up 5 days and changed it to in-person instead of a video call. She also instructed him to get bloodwork done so the dr would have the results asap. Obviously we knew at this point that something was up but we hoped the dr was just making sure the “hematoma” was just that, a bad bruise type thing.

DH was able to request prayer at church Sunday and on Monday we headed to his appointment and the nurse informed us that normally I wouldn’t be allowed to go back with DH to the exam room but that this was special circumstances. She then went on to say that there was a mass and the dr would be discussing surgery with us. So, in came the dr (with the worst bedside manner, I might add) and informed DH that he highly suspects testicular cancer, the testicle has to come out asap and oh… by the way… he can throw in a vasectomy on the other side while he’s at it if we don’t want more kids. He goes on to say that DH might need chemo but there’s no way of knowing yet and if he does need chemo, that will almost certainly destroy sperm production.*

DH and I were just sitting there trying to process the information but it was really hard and abrupt and it wouldn’t have been any easier if it had been the nicest dr on earth telling us this news, but with this dr it was just so hard to process. He sent us out to the waiting room so the nurse could set up the surgery appointment and at that point DH looked like a sad, lost and confused little boy. It hurt just to look at him and I just couldn’t stop crying. I wanted to be calm and collected (and had tried to prepare myself for this news from the beginning) but it was hard nevertheless. The nurse let us come back to another room to talk about the surgery etc and just have a minute of privacy, which we appreciated.

At home we talked more and DH decided to see another dr who is well liked around this area. That appointment was 4 days later and the dr agreed with the diagnosis (which we expected) and arranged for his colleague (who actually did a cystoscopy for me years ago) to do DH’s surgery. He was able to get him scheduled a day sooner than the first dr and the hospital he uses is only 20 minutes away vs almost 2 hours. So, obviously DH decided to go with him.

The surgery is scheduled for this week and DH is definitely feeling emotional about the whole situation. It’s bad enough to lose a testicle but to also be unsure as to what is going to be the outcome is really hard. Naturally we hope and pray (and appreciate the prayers of everyone else) that the pathology shows its not cancer afterall. And if it is cancer, we hope and pray it hasn’t spread. Even though testicular cancer has a high cure rate, it’s still a scary thing to face and especially knowing that treatment caries unpleasant side effects is hard to bear for both of us.

For me it is so hard to see DH face this situation and know that the most important thing to him is to be healthy so he can take care of his kids. It’s been his main concern this whole time… Will he be able to work? What does he need to get done before he’s unable to lift for awhile? How can he make sure he’s spending enough quality time with all the boys before he has to take a break from playing on the floor with them? (This is unimportant but we had been scheduled for the basement to be dug the week that all this happened and had to tell the contractor to wait. That really was upsetting to DH because he’s been waiting a whole year to start this project and finally the contractor was ready but now it’s not going to happen, at least not for awhile.) It’s all so emotional for me to watch. I feel like I flop back and forth all day between being at peace and taking everything one step at a time or finding myself choking up and dreading seeing DH in pain. I also worry about the boys because even though they don’t know the extent of what is going on past daddy needing to have surgery, I know this is still stressful for their little minds and emotions too.

DH was prayed over at church again this week and I really appreciate our church family letting us know we are not alone. God is already moving in the situation. It may be a small win but our hospital was not allowing anyone but the patient inside. I was supposed to drop DH off at the door and then pick him up at the door when they called me after the surgery was over. But thank God, after many prayers from our friends and family and several calls to various hospital administrators, they finally called me back this evening to say that they will let me come in before and after surgery and wait in the parking lot during. Like I said, its a relatively small thing but it’s a comfort to DH to know that he doesn’t have to be alone.

He said he appreciates all prayers on his behalf. We both do. I love him so much and I hope that this is just a little bump in the road and that he will be back to normal very soon.

*Actually, the testicle which is now the “healthy” one is the side that was previously operated on during our infertility journey. It is assumed to have a lot of scaring around the spermatic cord and likely isn’t a major player in sperm production anyway. We do hope that testosterone production isn’t compromised and that DH will feel the same as usual.

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