I am getting ready to go for another beta. I have been up since around 4am this morning full of cramps, back pain and fear. The intense nausea I felt yesterday and had been feeling increasingly for the last week or so it much subsided. But that happened a lot in my pregnancy with Tru. Come and go symptoms for weeks. My POAS was lighter today than the first one I took but yesterday’s was darker than the day before. I am obsessing too much. Those things are crap anyways…. I hope. 


Incidentally, today is our 6th wedding anniversary. Yesterday we spent the day browsing the Amish stores in our area and walking out at the lake. A relaxed and happy day. A good distraction. But today Dh is back at work and I am a googleaholic. 


I wish I never googled “hcg 176 at 17dpo” or “hcg 176 at 16dpo” which is probably where I was when I had my first beta. Let me tell you… not a lot of encouraging stories with betas that low that late. I also feel terrible for googling it because – God has already done the impossible. I already got pregnant naturally which was NEVER supposed to happen. So why am I doubting that this baby will stick around? 


I can’t seem to sense the presence of this little one which DH thinks is a bunch of silliness anyways. But I swear, I could sense Tru’s presence as well as the presence of the other babies I had transfered and I could tell when they had gone. DH thinks I only sensed their presence because I knew they had been transfered. Maybe. But it is making me nervous. 


The cramping doesn’t help either. I had loads of it with Tru and would be worried if I didn’t have any but this low back pain is pretty disconcerting. 


Like I said, I should be trusting God. He’s already done the impossible. I just crave reassurance. I crave nice big beta numbers and good rises. The funny thing is, a cousin of DH’s posted her pregnancy announcement on FB yesterday. A positive confirmation pee test her Dr took. A pee test people. She was 4 weeks 5 days. A pee test. Not a beta. Normal people don’t usually do betas. They don’t sit around and stress out and loose sleep because their beta is a few points low or because it didn’t double as fast as lucy101 on babyandbump. Ya know what I mean? 


My RE called yesterday morning and told me that I definitely need to be on progesterone support. He wanted to order me Crinone but I HATE Crinone so he ordered me PIO. Butt shots are so much more preferable to oozy stuff in the whooha. Those shots are supposed to come today. Yesterday he had me take a Prometrium. I did have my progesterone checked but I don’t know if the results are back yet and they were low or if he is just being proactive. At any rate, he wouldn’t let me have another beta till Friday (!!!!) 4 days (4 DAYS) after the first one. Thankfully my regular GYNO’s office decided I could have one today. Pray for me, or rather, for the baby.


Dear God, please sustain the life of this precious little baby according to Your will. Thank You for the joy and blessing of carrying it and for the miracle that it is. In Jesus’ name, amen.