Archives for category: motherhood

How far along? 23 weeks 6 days (7-29-30) Just hours away from viability! I was reading online the other day and a girl who is due around the same time as me commented that she is almost to the third trimester and I was thinking “Well, that’s still awhile away really.” And then today it hit me, that’s only a few weeks! (3-4, depending on who you talk to.) Like, tomorrow is 6 months! (Also, depending on who you talk to.) That’s just…. incredible.

 

 

 

Symptoms? Lightheaded several days this week. Random, short bouts of queasiness. Restless legs. Braxton Hicks contractions, which are surprisingly strong at times. Brings back thoughts of labor like a tidal wave!

 

 

 

Weight? +22

 

 

 

Sleep? I realized I cut this question out without meaning to. Until recently, it’s been about as good or bad as it usually is, with a few extra wake ups to pee. But the last few nights, Truett keeps waking up randomly and not being able to sleep. And in turn, once I’m back to bed, I can’t fall back to sleep as quickly as usual. It takes at least 3 to 4 pillows to be comfortable on my side at night or else I get pelvic pain. With my pillows, I’m fine. It takes a bit of arranging but it works. 🙂

 

 

 

Cravings/aversions? Nothing new. But I’ve got Truett and Levi both begging for freezes now. 😉

 

 

 

Baby buys? I had $30 off in coupons to a local store that sells baby clothes etc, so I stopped in there this week and bought Zane 3 outfits and a 2 pack of stretchy baby blankets for around $11 altogether! I was so excited. So were the boys because they love snuggling the new blankets and “trying them out”. Haha. Levi desperately wanted to try on the baby clothes and stripped down to try to put the pants on. Of course, that didn’t work too well. 😀 I also picked up another 2 pack of thermal baby blankets. And I got white shirts for Tru, Levi and myself and I’m hoping to use them in our maternity photo shoot…. although, the photographer didn’t get back with me on the date yet so…

 

 

 

Bump? Baby’s kicks are so much more forceful this week! I think I said that last week as well but this week, they catch me by surprise. He’s started those lovely “cervix kicks”. (Not sure if that’s actually what is going on, but that is what it feels like.) He gets my belly shaking around and sometimes he’s sticking out more on one side, usually the right. I feel like my belly is always changing shape, size and height but I’m pretty sure he’s still breech since the majority of his strong kicks are in my low abdomen. But the hiccups are also low down so… who knows. This morning, DH was talking to Zane with his face against my belly and Zane popped him right in the nose several times. It got us quite to laughing. I love those bonding moments. 🙂

 

 

 

Exercise? I used the elliptical 3 days this week! I increased my time to 30 minutes and I feel good keeping it there now. That’s enough time that I am sweaty and ready for a break, but not feeling over-tired. I’ve been taking advantage of the boys naptime to shower, have Bible study and prayer, maybe rest or catch up on laundry, depending on the day and to exercise. Which is a total change from the first trimester when I couldn’t keep my eyes open once they laid down. I am happy to have (most) of my energy back. 🙂

 

 

 

I think I have hit the “obviously pregnant” stage as people are no longer hesitant to ask about the pregnancy. Yesterday, a lady pulled up beside me while I was getting the boys in the van and asked “Are you having another boy?” And today, another lady asked me if it was a boy or a girl. I’m quite fine with these types of questions and it doesn’t offend me personally, but I know some women find it super annoying.

 

 

 

Levi has been a bit more clingy to me lately. He wants me to pick him up and carry him around sometimes, which is a bit difficult since he’s about 30 pounds now. He also runs up to me and says “Kiss you” multiple times a day and kisses me. He climbs in my lap many times a day to “smuggle you”, but only for a minute before he gets bored and runs off again. And he is very attached to the baby already, talking about him all the time and asking to kiss him or hug him or feel him kick. Levi was singing in the van on the way home last night “I wanna hold the baby”. He also told me he is going to help with the baby and help potty train him. 😉

 

 

 

Truett, on the other hand, is not at all interested in feeling the baby or kissing my belly. He will talk about Zane quite often but if I ask him if he wants to hold him when he’s born, Tru usually says no. And if I ask him if he is going to help with the baby, he also says no. But he is usually doing this little goofy smile when he says it so I think he is excited in his own way but not as interested in the process as Levi is. Which, of course, is perfectly normal and understandable at the age of 3! I have found it so interesting to see and hear the boys’ reactions to having another baby on the way!

 

 

 

Dear God, thank You for another beautiful week and for the wonderful weather we have been able to enjoy and the time with our families. Thank You for all of Zane’s precious little kicks and for this amazing opportunity to experience pregnancy again and carry another miraculous little life. Please watch over and bless him as he continues to grow. In Jesus’ name, amen.

 

 

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These are the outfits that we bought.

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Tru quickly claimed this blanket for watching tv on. 😉

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And Levi chose this “bassetball” blanket to be wrapped up and “smuggled” in. 😉

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My sister bought me these gladiolas last year and they have been absolutely gorgeous this summer. I’ve had some white and some pink ones bloom. Love them!

So, last week I typed up a nice update for 16 weeks, and my computer ate it. Second time it has done that to me. So I have no 16 week update or picture since we were too busy to take one last weekend. 😦

We went to the work picnic for DH’s job last weekend and had a blast! The kids rode on lots of kiddie rides and really enjoyed themselves. It was a long day and I was exhausted that evening and still pretty worn out the next day. But thankfully the weather was pretty cool, and with lots of hydration, I felt really good all day and only had a few minutes where I felt lightheaded. When that happened I just went and got more water. It was so fun to watch the boys enjoying the rides. 🙂

And also lost in the 16 weeks update is the news that we chose a name for our new little boy. Zane Trey; because Zane means God’s gracious gift and Trey means third. Zane was actually a name we considered for Levi and we like it for it’s meaning most of all, but also, we can call him Z. And how cute is that!! 🙂

How far along? 17 weeks 5 days (as of 6-16-17)
Symptoms? Feeling really good the last couple weeks. My only real complaint is restless legs syndrome. Which I have regardless of pregnancy, but it does seem to get worse during pregnancy. Right now it is really constant. I’m doing lots of stretches to try to help it, and to some extent, it does seem to help… or at least give temporary relief. Aside from that, I am at that stage where I feel pretty much myself.  *Side note: I skipped taking unisom the night I wrote this update and I was quite queasy the next day. So I’m definitely staying on that for now.*

 

Sometimes I look down at my belly and I’m kind of caught by surprise. Wow! There is actually a little person in there, growing and living their life. Stretching, kicking, rolling, sucking his thumb, sleeping and waking up, having hiccups… even going pee, if everything I’m reading is correct for this stage. That’s amazing! Because most of the time, I don’t really feel like all of this is going on in there. I mean, I know it is, but I’m just going about my day, rushing to get stuff done, focused on a million other things…. and I look down at my belly and I’m just struck by the wonder and the miracle of life. It’s truly a gift. Every moment.

 
Weight? I actually forgot to weigh myself today. Earlier this week I was +11 pounds.
Bump? Some days, the activity I feel is still pretty minimal. I’ve had a few days where baby just moved all day and then I’d hardly feel him. I still have to be sitting or laying pretty still to really notice the movements. But one day this week I looked at my belly when he was kicking and I could actually see my belly move! I think it got lost in the update my computer ate, but DH felt him kick once by surprise. He put his hand on my belly to shield the baby when we were all playing on the floor and he was afraid one of the boys would accidently knock my belly. Well, DH got quite the surprise when baby kicked him! 🙂

 
Baby and maternity buys? I’ve started buying a few more maternity/nursing items. I had almost no summer maternity clothes since I was so small with Tru, and with Levi, I was pregnant during the winter. So, I’ve ordered a few more shirts online to come in next week. I hope they fit! I have bought 1 pair of capris and I’m making do with those and maxi skirts, but ideally, I hope to get a couple more pairs or maxi dresses. I’ve bought lots of nursing bras. I found a bunch on clearance for $2-3.50!! Talk about a bargain! I don’t know how much more the girls are going to grow though… I may have to switch entirely to stretchy sleep bras full-time like I did when I had Levi. I just couldn’t find comfortable nursing bras anywhere over a D. I’m super picky though.

 
Cravings? No use talking about aversions now. 🙂 Thankfully! I’m still hitting the salads almost daily. That’s about the only thing… oh… bean burritos. I love those! 🙂

 
Best moment? This morning I asked Levi “Why is my belly getting so fat?” And he smiled and pointed at it and said “There’s a baby in you body!!” which just melted my heart. I think he actually gets it now. I mean, I’m sure it confuses his little 2 year old self, but he knows there is a baby in there and it’s growing and it kicks my belly. I’m really looking forward to the boys being able to feel the baby but so far, they don’t have the patience to hold their hand there that long.

 

Next appointment? This coming week at 18+3 is the anatomy scan and check up. It’s over 5 weeks between appointments this time but I feel like it went pretty fast! I do want to ask the Dr about the baby’s heartrate. I have recorded a clip for her where it’s skipping beats. I remember the boys both doing that and it resolved, but just to be safe, I want to run that by her since this is happening all the time.

 

I really want to get an update posted about Truett. I decided to stop monthly updates at 3 years old, but I feel like I need to do an annual update or something. This little boy is growing and changing so much all the time and I feel like I’m cheating myself by not writing all his cuteness down. And I need to do a general life update too!

Dear God, thank You for another wonderful week. For how well I’ve felt and for all the kicks and movement I’ve been able to enjoy this week. I pray that this sweet baby will continue to grow and be healthy and strong. I pray that our appointment and ultrasound will go very well. In Jesus’ name, amen.

 

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DH keeps cutting these pictures too short so the bottom of my belly is hardly in the shot… must talk to him about that. 😉

How far along? 9 weeks 5 days (4-21-17)
Symptoms? I’ve had both good and bad days this week with the nausea. My best time is still in the morning most days. Which seems silly because it’s called “morning” sickness, after all. 😉 I gradually feel worse as the day progresses and by bedtime, I’m ready to fall asleep to get some relief. Some nights I feel sick throughout the night but not always. I know I followed this pattern with both of the boys but to a lesser extent. I’m having some minor breast tenderness again. It seems that they are growing some more. Fine by me! 😉 Still pretty emotional – I can cry about practically anything – happy, sad, totally neutral, it makes no difference. The acne is way out of hand! Enjoyng my second go at my teenager face. HA! Still a bit more tired than usual. I think that’s pretty much it for this week. 


Weight? After freaking out last week about being up 4 pounds for the pregnancy, this week I was surprised to see that I actually lost 2 pounds so I’m +2 at 137lbs. That feels better for how far along I am. 

Bump? I think it looks smaller this week. Probably in part because of the Miralax finally working. 😉 Haha. TMI, sorry. I gave up on my regular jeans around 7 weeks because I just really don’t like that tight feeling on my belly. But the maternity capris I pulled out are still way too big although I’ve worn them a couple times with a band around then to keep them up. Otherwise, I’m enjoying the looseness of maxi skirts. 🙂 

Sleep? Not as good as it was. I’m tossing and turning alot and having so many weird dreams. I have been taking a nap during the day when I get the chance. 

Cravings/aversions? This week I only want to eat salad. At first it HAD to have Italian dressing. Now it HAS to have Ranch. I’m not even sure I want the salad as much as the dressing, although the crunch is really satisfying. I could go for a Coke Freeze anytime! That’s about it. All else is gross. 

Gender? Everyone is still enjoying specualting. It’s funny how pretty much EVERYONE is sure it’s a girl. Some people have flat out told me they are praying it’s a girl! I am being 100% honest when I tell you that I really do not have a prefence. We do have a girl name picked out (for 9 years now!) but nothing so far for a boy. But if we have a boy, we have absolutely everything we need. (Clothes, toys etc.) It just really doesn’t matter to me. My boys are great and I enjoy being their mom. I can’t imagine it being better or worse to parent a girl…. though I think it’d be really fun to have a daughter. 

My appointment with the new OB is in 3 days. I am nervous but also excited to see how we get along. I decided to write down a list of what I usually have vs what I would probably feel comfortable with as far as monitoring goes. I plan to ask her if we can work something out along those lines. I figure that if the MFM practice thought it was necessary, then we really should keep at least most of it. Not to mention, I just know myself and I would feel totally out of the loop and anxious. Here’s the list… After 12 weeks, I usually have: 

  • Anatomy ultrasound at 20 weeks w/ cervical length 
  • Growth ultrasound every 4 weeks until birth 
  • NSTs twice weekly after 32 weeks 
  • Weekly AFI after 32 weeks 
  • Bi-weekly BPP after 32 weeks 

Here’s what I think I would feel comfortable with: 

  • Obviously they would still do anatomy ultrasound at 20 weeks but I also want the cervical length, mostly because of the damage that Levi’s birth could have caused and I’ve never had a super long cervix. 
  • Growth ultrasound every 4 weeks. I really don’t think I could see myself being comfortable without this. 
  • NSTs once a week after 34 weeks. I figure that weekly appointments start around that time anyway. We might as well do an NST. I can’t imagine being comfortable with no NSTs at all. 
  • Bi-weekly BPP. I figure with this, I won’t be too concerned about AFIs, mostly because they proved highly inaccurate with Levi, although neccessary with Tru. 

My guess is the OB is going to think I’m crazy, but I’m ok with that. She will have to understand that I have had way extreme babying during my previous pregnancies and that is simply what I’m used to/comfortable with and it’s really not that excessive….. is it? If all else fails, I already scheduled an intake appointment with my old practice AND made sure that the Dr who was my primary before (the one who delivered Levi) will no longer be my primary and I don’t ever have to have an appointment with her. So that’s all taken care of. 🙂 

Dear God, thank You for another week of pregnancy with this sweet little baby. Please continue to watch over and sustain it’s life according to Your will. Please help things to continue to go smoothly. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

Haha! That acne is cracking me up!


Have you ever stopped to notice how pretty dandelions are? I hadn’t until the other day. So vibrant! And also, so tasty! I’ve already fixed them 3 times this spring. Yum! 🙂


I bought this beautiful Easter Lily the day after Easter on markdown. I hope it comes back next year! I love my lilies. And incidentally, we had a great Easter but I never got around to posting about it. Oops!

Yesterday I had my second ultrasound. It went great! Baby has nearly doubled in size from 10 days prior. Still measuring 5 days ahead! And with a beautiful heartrate of 166. 🙂 Thank You so much dear Lord! Please continue to bless this pregnancy. In Jesus’ name. 

The SCH is still very much there. Maybe even a bit bigger. But it looks like it’s healing and the Dr seemed very unconcerned at this point. He kept saying that everything looks good. 🙂
I seem to be starting with a UTI despite daily suppression with Macrodantin. So the Dr switched me to Macrobid for a week. 

Aside from that, he said I can stop progesterone support at 10 weeks if my bloodwork comes back good. I’m still waiting on that to come back but I’m definitely looking forward to weaning off of that. The prometrium is so icky and messy, though I’m mostly used to it now. I usually take the 2 pills at 11pm once I’m laying in bed. Then I take the next dose of 1 pill at 7am and try to stay laying down at least another hour. Then I take the PIO shot in the evening. I was taking it at 3pm but it was getting difficult giving it to myself as my butt cheeks are kind of hard to reach myself with a 1.5″ needle. 😉

I’m still taking Zofran, usually 4mg around an hour before getting out of bed. If I can make it through the day on just 1 dose, that makes me happy. 🙂

Since I’ve been released from my RE’s office, I have to find an ob. I am very hesitant to go back to the practice that delivered both of my boys. On the one hand, they are familiar to me and I’m mostly comfortable there. But then, Levi’s birth was a huge hours long battle between me and the ob who just couldn’t comprehend an uncomplicated natural vbac. She pressured me for hours to get an epidural (Nearly shouting “Get the EPIDURAL!” at me) even though I pacified her by getting the line placed sans meds. I wasn’t in enough pain at that point to want the meds and the only reason she wanted me to take the epidural was so she could speed up my already great labor with pitocin. In the end, and only by the grace of God, I avoided another dose of pitocin. After the birth, the Dr pulled on the umbillical cord trying to remove the placenta just seconds after I delivered the baby. I begged her not to but she continued. Whether that caused the placenta to tear and then become a piece of retained placenta followed by hemorhage or not, who knows?! But it didn’t help. I almost lost my uterus. They were this close >•< to doing a hysterectomy to stop the bleeding. The best part? I have it all on video. 

So all that to say, if I go back there, I’ve requested a different Dr for my primary. But here’s the thing, that is an MFM group. And aside from taking blood thinner, I’m certainly hoping that this pregnancy is not going to be high risk. I’m not sure how I’ll handle my anxiety if I go to a regular ob practice though. I probably won’t get nsts or growth scans or afi checks. And if you remember, we found out Tru was in distress at one of my nst/afi checks and delivered him via c-section right away. So going without that will scare me, because it could have gone completely different without that appointment. But on the other hand, if I find a compassionate dr, I’m confident that we can work together to find something that fits for us all. And the bottom line is just placing my trust in God. That He will make sure we get any testing we need and provide for a safe, healthy pregnancy and birth. 

SO, today I scheduled an appointment with a regular ob. This time, when/if I’m met with ignorance (as I have been in both previous pregnancies) and am told to stop my Lovenox, I have my wonderful, knowledgable hematologist to back me up and say that it is absolutely neccessary!! She will gladly send them a letter confirming that my combo of clotting disorders makes treatment a no-brainer. BUT, because I’m afraid this regular ob may not work out for me, I also called the MFM group to set up an intake appointment. The descision remains to be made until after my first appointment with the regular ob in 2 weeks. If we click and I love them, I just might stay there. They deliver at the hospital I had the boys at which is an absolute neccessity because that hospital has been so wonderful to us in the past. Very pro-family and focus on keeping mom and baby together. They are also very helpful with breastfeeding etc. 

Shew! I had no intention of writing a book! I guess I just needed to write it all down and sort through everything. If you made it this far, you rock! Not only that but you probably also think I’m crazy. 😉 

Ok, maybe not really. But it kind of feels that way right now. My sil asked me to read this book every day and she and her bff are also reading it. The book is “Love Unending” by Becky Thompson of the blog Scissortail Silk. I can’t link you to it at the moment and to be entirely forthcoming, I don’t follow her blog. But my sil does and she is in love with Becky’s writings. 
So I bought the book online and yesterday we started reading it. It’s basically a 21-day challenge for your marriage to get back to were you were when you first fell in love. “Rediscovering your marriage in the midst of motherhood.” 
Now, personally, I believe that having kids was vital to our marriage. But I know that it also does create a bit of a space between parents. Infertility drove a huge wedge between us, so having kids was a colossal relief for us. I understand that many couples don’t have that initial hurdle so having kids is not the healing balm that it was for us.
That said, yeah, romance is often times the last thing on my mind. And motherhood has a way of leaving me “touched out” at the end of the day and just kind of done in general. I’m snappy with the kids and DH. I’m not in the mood to think about what DH wants and needs. I’m selfish. There, I said it. It’s true. And the point of this challenge is to stop trying to “change” DH into the perfect husband, and instead, refocus my outlook so that I can be the positive change that I want to see in him.
Today’s challenge was to speak kindly. It was not an utter fail, but I could have done better. What I realized today was that I have set the tone in my family that nobody listens when I’m being calm and nice. I have to start getting snappy to get DH’s attention when I need help and I found that the boys respond similarly. I think I needed this wake up call because I don’t want to be that way! I want to speak calmly and respond peacefully and set that tone for my family. 
I haven’t told DH that I’m doing this. I feel like my sil and her bff are enough accountability and I don’t want DH to see me fail on a challenge and possibly point it out to me. I think that would make it alot harder. Also, I thought it would be interesting to see if he notices my efforts and thought that if he does, that might be a good indication of what I need to keep working harder on. 
So yeah. It feels like a bit of an undertaking at the moment because today was hard. And I see that I have a long way to go before I become the person that I expect DH to be. Becky made a great point; the change has to start with someone. Why not start with me? 

I like the fact that I can journal along in the book while I go through it. I think it will help me absorb the material better. And gives me space to add my own thoughts and feelings.

It’s late and I should be sleeping but my mind is racing… maybe it’s just because I drank coffee too late… enjoying that kuerig a bit too much lately! 😉 Anyway, I haven’t done a “life update” in nearly a month so, here goes.

  • I made it to the gym 8 times in January, which is ok considering I didn’t get to go the whole first week. I also worked out a whole ONE time at home. (Don’t laugh) I do feel good right now, strength wise. I have been doing 3ish +/- miles on the elliptical, 6ish miles on the recumbent bike and 1 mile walk/run on the track per session. My goal is always 500 calories but lately I think I’ve been exceeding my goal by a bit which makes me happy. I also do lunges, squats and wall squats. I usually take about 1.5 hours so I’m going relatively slow. So far all my exercise is leg-focused but that’s only because I don’t burn as many calories doing upper body. I need to suck it up though and start back on my arms again or I may look off balance someday. 😉 Haha. 
  • I haven’t mentioned this before that I recall because I have been hoping it would go away, but I can’t keep my heart rate down during exercise. As soon as I step on a machine, it’s already in the 120s to 130s. I don’t know what my resting HR is but I will literally check my HR 2 minutes after I start WO and it’s already that high. By 5 minutes its anywhere from 155-180. And I can’t make it stay down. As I mentioned, I go very slow. I talked to my Dr about it in July last year and she said to give it a few months to see if it improves, but it’s not or if it has, its been very mildly. So, I guess I’ll have to talk to her again. At first I felt sick and would black out and have to lay down. Now, I feel fine generally. Maybe this is my norm? I just know that I can’t go to the cardio classes because when I have, I felt horrible, blacked out and had to stop. 
  • Enough about exersize! I just realized that I never concluded Truett’s fever testing. Basically, we are still watching and waiting to see if the fevers continue. I’m frustrated. His tests (ESR, CRP, hemolysis) came back worse this time but the Dr couldn’t rule out his cold throwing the results off. I’m not so sure because that fever was 6 days long. Seems unlikely to have been the cold, especially considering all of us had it and didn’t have fevers (aside from Levi running around 100° 1 night). But then again, everyone responds to illness differently. So, in 6 months if he doesn’t get any more weird fevers, he doesn’t have to go back to rheumatology. If he gets any, we are supposed to journal them and discuss them at a follow up. I’m mommy so obviously I’m still concerned. But I’m also trying to trust that its nothing and Tru just is more prone to high, long fevers. 
  • I’ve been watching my cousin’s 14ish month old baby this month and aside from waking up at dark:30, the boys and I have enjoyed having him here. It is so fun to watch them play with N. I notice that Tru watches out for N and gives him toys. Levi bosses N and steals his toys. 😉 This is good though because I’m getting the chance to teach Levi to share. I make Tru and Levi share all the time of course but their dynamic is a little different.
  • DH is finally supposed to start in the office at work full-time next week. It’s been months since he was promoted but they only just got someone to replace him on the truck. DH has been training this week and loves it so far!! 

Ttc update for my records and the 2 people who want to read it. 😉 Feel free to skip.


Meh, I don’t think the Femara worked this month. I don’t really think I ovulated… I never got a positive OPK and I never felt ovulation. I’m late for AF now but dragging my feet to call the RE. I know I should… he told me to if I went over 30 days on a Femara cycle, so I’d better I guess. I think I have a cyst though because I feel this feeling in my left side that is unusual and harkens to cyst-growing activity. :/ All HPTs (and there have been many) are 100% bfn. Not even the benefit of an evap. 😉 So, yeah. That’s about it. 

I’m going to recap 21 months since Levi just turned 22 months a few days ago. I do have to confess though, I spent the last month thinking he was 22 months already. Eep! 

At Levi’s last well check up (December 1st), he weighed 26lbs 15oz (72nd percentile), 34″ tall (73rd percentile) and 47cm ( 28th percentile) head cirumference. Since then, I’d say he has grown at least another inch taller. His pants are all becoming too short on him and he has moved almost entirely into 2T clothes and some 3T shirts. 

Vocally, Levi is quite an overachiever! There is almost nothing he can’t say now. He talks quite a bit but definitely isn’t as talkative as Truett is. About a month ago I heard him say his first 3 word sentence “My wear it.” Now he tells me all the time “I wuv you too.” He almost always says “too” after “I love you” even when he is the first one to say it. He must tell me 20+ times a day that he loves me. Which melts my heart and makes my day every time!! Yesterday as we were driving I was cracking up listening to Tru and Levi fight over a sippy cup. Levi kept saying “Ask Mom!” to Truett and I was just thinking “Where did this big boy come from all of a sudden!?” 

Speaking of what a big boy Levi is, I still can’t get him to give up the boob. He will go days or even a week without nursing but he asks for it every so often. Usually I tell him no, but sometimes he cries and sometimes he’s just sad and needs comforting. Lots of the time when I am holding him and he’s all snuggly, he wants to nurse. I almost always tell him no in that case. I think he looks and acts too old to nurse, in my opinion but then I think “Well, it’s natural and he’s not even 2 yet so…” I’m not sure when we will finally be completely done. 

Levi has become a very bossy little guy toward anyone younger than him and toward River. River can hardly breathe without Levi yelling “stop it!” and “NO!” at him. I am working on this with Levi to be nice and not yell at the dog. Also, when I babysit my cousin’s 14ish month old boy on Fridays, Levi bosses him around too. It’s actually pretty cute, but I know it’s behavior that we need to work on so he can be assertive without being rude. 

Levi is a bit obsessed with my hair. He holds it in his little hands and lays his face on it. He rubs my hair and says “Wuv you too.” He even moves his hands around in my hair and says “Cut!” over and over. Sadly for me, his curly hair is almost all gone now. He’s has 3 haircuts and the curls kept staying but after the 3rd hair cut, his hair is much less curly but still has nice body and wave in it. I definitely prefer Levi’s hair longer and Truett’s shorter. Levi has much more fine hair whereas Tru’s is really thick. Interesting how siblings can have features that are so different. Aside from the boys having the same color eyes and hair, they don’t really look much alike to me at all…. 

….But that doesn’t stop Levi from imitating every.single.thing. that Tru does. Whenever we walk to the car from the gym, they have this little pattern they like to do. First, they want to touch the trash can. And even though it only started because Tru (and then Levi, of course) threw away some trash once, Levi thinks he has to touch the can every time. Then a couple times Tru stuck his foot in this crack inbetween the side walk and the building. So now Levi has to do that too. And they HAVE to walk in the gravel beside the building. If Tru asks for a banana, Levi asks for one too. If one of them gets their sippy cup, they both have to have a sippy cup AT THE SAME TIME. And they ask for their cups every time we get in the car. Every time. Every single time. …. If Tru gets his blankie, Levi runs to his room crying for his blankie too. DH remarked last night “You guys aren’t twins! You don’t always have to do the same things!” Oh yes. Yes they do. It’s quite hilarious to me and I have grown used to making sure everything is fair and equal and they always have the same things at the same time… Now that I type that up, I wonder if that is healthy or if I should work on teaching them that they can’t ALWAYS do the the same exact things….? Hmmmm. 

Levi is usually pretty calm but a few times recently he’s let his temper show. A few weeks ago we were going into the grocery store and in the parking lot he started screaming about something, I’m not really sure what. He started throwing himself on the ground and I had to half-drag him into the store as I had my hands full. Once inside, he continued his temper tantrum throwing himself on the floor and screaming like the world was ending. I picked him up but I couldn’t hang onto him because he was doing that classic arms-in-the-air, worm manuvuer that kids do. So I’m carrying him to the bathroom as fast as I can so I can try to figure out what his issue is, with his coat sliding up over his head, his body flailing and him screaming at the top of his lungs. The shoppers were parting like the Red Sea to make a path for us, horrified looks on their faces and I, in all my Mom-of-the-year wonderfulness, just burst out laughing and couldn’t stop. We were a horrible sight. No one, including me, knew why this kid was screaming, and by all accounts, it looked like he was being mishandled even though I was doing my best. As soon as we got to the bathroom, I walked right in to the open stall, totally not noticing that there was a lady waiting in line for it. When we came out and I saw her, I appoologized and she just smiled and said it was ok. After that, Levi was cool as a cucumber. He calmed down like it was no big deal. Toddlers… gotta love ’em. 😉 

I’m thankful for how snuggly Levi is. From time to time he will sit in my lap and just snuggle. He asks to “Hold you!” (But it sounds like “Holchu”) constantly. Especially if he thinks he will get crried around. He begs DH to carry him around every evening. It’s their bonding time, I guess. 

Also, he still asks to use the toilet quite a bit and I try to take him whenever he asks. It’s not real consistant yet but he does recognize when he needs to go, especially number 2, and tells me so I can take him. I’m really happy about that! 

Dear God, thank You for this beautiful little boy. Thank You for the things he’s learning and for the relationship that he is already starting to have with You. Please watch over and protect Levi and keep him healthy. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

Our tree survived with not one broken ornament. If fact, the boys left the tree alone almost completely. I was shocked!! I told Levi to touch the ornament in this pic.


Mommy’s chubbers little boy


These boys are serious about their water


I told Tru to pack 2 cups… but I mean… you wouldn’t want to get thirsty or anything.


Levi stole a cadbury egg while I was in the checkout line. I turned around and it he was eating chocolate.


But he rocks a manitail!


I grew up very sheltered.

That’s actually an understatement.

I was homeschooled and there were times that, aside from going to church on Sunday, I didn’t leave the house for weeks or even a month at a time. I feel, as an adult, that it affected my ability to form friendships with people because I usually go through this incredibly awkward phase when meeting new people. I don’t know what to say and I get so nervous that I stutter and it’s embarrassing. Once I am around them awhile, and especially if they are good at making conversation, I feel much better. And actually, I think I am beginning to improve in this area. But it has definitely taken concentrated effort from me. Part of that is my personality, I’m sure. But I definitely think some of it comes from not having a whole lot of experience in social settings.

Side note: I don’t regret the fact that I was homeschooled. That wasn’t an issue. In fact, I actually liked that aspect of my life a lot because I didn’t have to get up super early every day and we often got extra time off from our homework because we were able to finish early. I graduated a year early too, so that was nice. One thing that I would maybe change for myself and would definitely do differently for my children if I homeschool them, would be to use different curriculum. I had to get my GED because the curriculum we used did not give us a diploma, even though we had good grades. It just wasn’t part of the program. I passed my GED easily but I always felt a bit embarrassed that I didn’t have an actual diploma. I know I shoudn’t feel that way and I don’t feel that way about other people who work hard to get their GED…. Anyway…..

My parents, espescially my mom, worked hard to shelter us from bad influences. I respect them for that. At the same time, I feel like I can speak from my past experience that issolating (versus protecting) your children from virtually everyone may keep them from learning things you don’t want them to learn, but only for a time. Kids form their own ideas and opinions about things and what they asssume to be true may very well end up being worse than the actual truth. That is why I will always try to be open and honest with my kids about the hard to talk about things, like drugs and sex and so on. I’m not sure what the appropriate age is to talk about these things with your kids but I know I certainly had some ideas about what sex was by the time I was 10 years old. When my kids ask me about it, I hope I will be able to explain these things to them in an age appropriate but honest way.

Even though I appreciate how hard my mom (and dad in his own, less extreme way) worked to keep us safe and innocent, I really don’t ever want my kids to live that shut off and recluse of a life. I was lonely sometimes. It helped a LOT that I had siblings. However, there is 5.5 years betweeen me and my older sister and almost 5 years between me and my next younger sister so I didn’t really have anyone my age to talk to, though I was/am very close to my sisters. I did have friends but I just didn’t see them often enough. When we finally did have plans to get together with friends, I was always grounded because I was a rather angry and mouthy teen (cussing my parents out would be the tip of the iceberg, unfortunately). It is/was obvious to me why I was so angry… because I was mad that I could never do anything or go many places. I just don’t think my mom was able to understand that because she grew up so differently that maybe she didn’t realize how it would feel to be that closed off. My younger siblings have SO MUCH more freedom than I ever did!

I think a big part of why my mom kept me at home so much was fear… Fear because she had bad past experiences. Fear because of things that happened to her sisters. I get that. And being vigilant is a good thing and I hope to always be aware and vigilant so I don’t put my children in compromising situations. But letting fear take over and letting it dictate your life is never a good thing. I don’t blame my mom at all and I’m not mad at her. I know she was just trying to keep her kids safe so they wouldn’t face any bad situations. She loves us and wanted to protect us. That I understand. But you can take a good thing way too far. Which I also understand. As a parent now myself, I am able to give her grace for her mistakes as a parent because this job is hard and I get that now. I struggle with my own fears for my children, which are different than hers but just as present, I would imagine.

I’m not really sure what I’m even trying to say here. I guess I’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately and trying to use my childhood experiences to say “This is what was good and this is what I didn’t like. What can I do to find the right balance for my children?”

  • I need so much to go to the gym tomorrow. I haven’t gone since 3 days before Christmas. Partly because we had colds, partly because we had company and haven’t had much time at all. I planned to go today but ended up having to drop a (4th this season! DH is on some kind of a roll!) deer off at the processor almost an hour in the opposite direction. So tomorrow, Lord willing, I’ll get to go. It’s better now that both Tru and Levi like the childcare and Levi doesn’t cry when I leave. He used to so much that sometimes I’d have to just go back home. 
  • I finished my 5th day of Femara yesterday. Last month the only side effect I noticed was (tmi?) dryness. Well, and ovary pain. But that just gave me hope it was working. 
  • After my post about Tru’s fever, that night it went up to 104.9f again. The next morning (01/02) I called the rheumatologist’s office but they were closed for the holiday. The on-call dr sent us to urgent care for blood work and to rule out pneumonia, uti, and ear infection since Tru had a cold. The blood work showed elevated CRP and ESR. Like last time he had a high fever (without being sick) but higher levels this time. I don’t know if that might have just been because of the cold? … I have tried twice to get in touch with his Dr through email and voicemail but still have not gotten to talk to the Dr about the results or if he needs a follow up. I guess I’ll have to try calling again tomorrow…
  • I am soooo overdue to post a Levi update! I hope to get one posted soon. He has grown so much lately in maturity and size. I love his squishy self so much!! He is constantly talking and talks so well for his age. Can’t believe he’s almost 22 months! 
  • Tru keeps hugging me and saying “I love you so much, Mommy!” And then, being the jokester that he is, he will say “I don’t love you so much.” and giggle to try to get me to tickle him. 😉
  • I finally started mudding in my living room so I can get it painted! I have the colors picked out. Light gray with a dark gray/hunter green accent wall. I hope I’m happy with the way it looks finished. 🙂   

And because this picture keeps cracking me up…. 

I came across this in my archives. I wrote it about 2 years ago but wanted to share it again in case it could help anyone else.
I guess I should start with a disclaimer – I’m not a dr, DUH. I don’t know everything or even really that much about clotting issues but I have them so… take that. 
I have been wanting to write about this for awhile now but today I read a blog that was the final straw. As you know, I have MTHFR which is short for Methylenetetrahydrofolate Reductase – not what you thought, ha! I am homozygous with the C677T variation. All a really long way of saying that my body has a hard time methylating b vitamins especially b12, b6 and folic acid. I can’t absorb most b vitamins unless they are in their methylated forms so I have to buy a b vitamin supplement that is already broken down. (It’s called Homocystex Plus.) MTHFR also causes blood clotting issues. It’s actually more common than you think but hardly anyone gets tested for it because A) they don’t know to, B) drs are pretty ignorant about it (sorry drs. study up on this please!) C) practically nobody understands it or how to treat it, D) it’s expensive to test for and it’s usually on a whole panel that requires 14 vials of blood. ( I also just found out the other day that I had actually tested positive for Anti cardiolipin antibodies and have an elevated prothromibin time. Nobody thought it was important to tell me that but I read it in the report that I have a copy of from when I had that testing done. Thankfully, they are also treated the same as MTHFR.)
 
The fact of the matter remains, MTHFR causes infertility, implantation failure, both early and late term pregnancy loss and is incredibly easy to treat. Drs can disagree with that all they want but many other Drs agree with that statement. But you know what? It’s just one of a whole bunch of little known and “minor” issues that potentially cause clotting especially in the smallest blood vessels – in the uterus where the baby is trying to dig in and implant and where the placenta is drawing it’s life giving blood and oxygen from. 
 
MTHFR and a host of other “minor” clotting disorders can be treated by injectable blood thinners such as Heparin and Lovenox along with low dose Asprin. The blood thinners and asprin are started after ovulation/egg retrieval or asprin can be used continuously (which it usually should be if you have a clotting disorder – check with your Dr) and blood thinner shots can be started with a positive pregnancy test. You should also be on a methylated b vitamin supplement (regular b vitamins are not usable by your body) if you have MTHFR. Most drs will prescribe you a high dose vitamin b compound but it’s not as useable as just getting a high quality methylated supplement.
 
So, back to the blog that was the final straw. A woman with RPL who’s latest loss was at 20 weeks! Finally, for her SEVENTH pregnancy, somebody had the brains to check her for clotting disorders and they found that she had a “minor” one and given her “history” they decided to FINALLY treat her with Heparin. (Ya think??) Carried that baby to term. Case closed. I could also tell you the story of my friend who had at least 9 losses but carried her last baby to term and used blood thinner during that pregnancy. 
 
Obviously I’m not saying that blood thinners could prevent all loses. Definitely not!! There are genetic issues in the baby sometimes that cause losses, infections, incompetent cervix and a host of other reasons which I don’t really need to spell out, but clotting related issues can often times be treated! 
 
My RE didn’t seem to consider my issues to warrant any action. I talked to my IVF nurse though and she said if I wanted to cover all my bases, I could go on a low dose of Lovenox. I think they were mostly just letting me use it so I would feel proactive and so that they could say all my bases were covered. Turns out, as it was quite obvious during my pregnancy with Truett, blood thinner was quite important! So much so that my dose has been upped for this pregnancy. Again, I’m not saying it is fail proof. But with Tru, thank You Jesus, it helped! I hope that this time, the blood thinners will help keep my baby safe in there. Please God, protect this baby according to Your will and help it to get all the blood and oxygen flow that it needs in my womb. I pray that it will be safe in there and live and grow and be well and strong and healthy. In Jesus’ name, amen. 
 
All that to say this, if you have stumbled over this blog and you have had repeat failed IVF’s, RPL, or unexplained losses, please push your dr to test you for clotting and immune issues. And if they find ANYTHING, I don’t care how “minor” it is, (because let’s face it, when blood vessels are clogging, is there really anything “minor” about that?) and I don’t care how they feel about issues like MTHFR, get on Lovenox or Heparin and Asprin. If your dr refuses to treat you, see another dr! This is serious business. I have seen this happen SO MANY TIMES on SO MANY BLOGS. Women couldn’t get or stay pregnant, after tons of failed cycles or so many devastating losses, got treated and bam. Finally they have their baby(s). 
 
Something to think about. 
Shared: Implantation Failure, Failed IVF’s, RPL, Unexplained Infertility – Please Read This – http://wp.me/p34rdD-tI

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