Archives for category: postpardum

Disclaimer #1 – this post talks a lot about periods and women crap.
Disclaimer #2 – I think this post could be a trigger for women who haven’t had their baby yet. So read at your own risk or just skip.
   I spoke too soon about my cycles returning regularly. I really thought I was starting again 29 days after the first post pardum cycle. But then I didn’t start. And I didn’t. And I didn’t. Not for a whole week later. Finally on CD 37 I think, that stupid thought started nagging at my mind like you wouldn’t believe. Ok. Yes you would believe. First, to be clear, I really want another baby… someday. I wasn’t getting my hopes up because I’m already ready to get pregnant again. Because I’m not. Those stupid thoughts creep in though. “How crazy would it be if I actually got pregnant naturally after all that work doing IVF. That would be crazy huh?!” And then common sense returns for a moment. “I probably didn’t ovulate. I’m not taking blood thinner. For all I know, DH has 0 swimmers by now and first and foremost, I’m not ready to be pregnant again yet. My csec scar still hurts! I wouldn’t be able to get on the floor with Tru while he’s learning to crawl. I would have to wean him because I wouldn’t make my body feed him and another baby.” Then stupid starts up again. “Yeah, but I really want another baby someday and it would be awesome if we could have a baby of our own without having to use IVF. I mean think how cool that would be?!

    Stupid me won. I peed on .88 cents. Small price to pay for a candy bar. But waste of money for one pink line. Its not even like I was really disappointed because the rational me realized it was for the best. And that my body – and my mind are just not able to do pregnancy again just yet. I still need time to enjoy Tru. I’m just not ready yet. – Not that I wouldn’t gladly have accepted another baby in the blink of an eye! I’m only mad that I tested. That I started that stupidness up again. That I’m back on the Stupid Train, headed for Negative Town. Its like I reset the standard and now I will feel broken and negative again. I shouldn’t have done it. I really shouldn’t have.
      Oh yeah. My body loves to mess with me. Less than 24 hours later, Aunt Flo showed up. She was like: “Haha! Tricked ya didn’t I?! Well take this!

     Yesterday was Truett’s 2 month checkup. Everything checked out well. I was a little worried about some swollen lymph nodes behind his ears but the pediatrician said they were fine since they are spongy and small. He weighs 12#15oz now and is 23” long. So he has more than doubled his birth weight and is in the 75th percentile for weight and 50th for height. We couldn’t help but laugh about his head circumference though. At 40.5cm, his head is in the 90th percentile. The pedi mentioned twice that it’s probably because one of his parents might have a large head. So I couldn’t help but wonder the whole time if she thought my head looked big. DH was so reassuring when I told him about it saying that my head is “pretty big!!” I don’t know if he is pulling my leg or what. Oh well. As long as I don’t look like Jay Leno I should be fine. 😉

      I also had an appointment with the gyno yesterday because I haven’t stopped bleeding for more than a few days here and there since the birth. Actually, I spotted for a whole week and a half before I delivered if I remember right so its been a really long term thing and I am just beyond tired of it. She gave me a 10 day script for Provera which is supposed to make my body think it ovulated and I don’t know if im supposed to have a period after that or what. I just hope it stops the bleeding. She checked me for anemia too since this has been so long. And she made me do a pregnancy test before she would let me have the Provera even though I told her multiple times that DH and I had not resumed “relations” yet due to the bleeding ect. Somehow that just wasn’t good enough so I had to take the test. The nurse came up and whispered “its negative hun” after they did the test which I already knew but it made me feel depressed that I’ve started back on the whole negative pregnancy tests thing again. I was hoping to never get another negative test as long as I lived and they made me ruin those intentions. I’ve had so many negative tests in my life. It’s like a slap in the face. I mean the word after all is NEGATIVE. It just puts you in a bad mood.

       Speaking of a bad mood. I was thinking the other day how awful it must feel to be a baby. No wonder they cry sometimes!! I would too! (I did.) 😉 First, you have to wear a giant scratchy wad between your legs all the time. And sometimes it’s really warm and squishy. And if no one notices that, it starts to sting your butt and make it hurt and itch. If that happens, you end up with a big greasy load in your butt crack that feels really nasty in between your cheeks but it does help with the soreness. Then you have to wear whatever your mom and dad dress you in. You don’t really care what it looks like because you don’t know about such things yet but it’s still annoying because sometimes you can’t get your feet out of it no matter how much you kick. Your parents still think you need a blanket that covers your feet even though you already have these socks on and you really hate wearing socks to bed! When you cry about it, they just stick this rubber binky in your mouth that you don’t like. But if you spit it out they just put it back in over and over to make you think you are getting a booby or something even though you know better. And why does the booby always spray milk into your mouth? No matter how much you scream at it, when you are all done eating it still keeps spaying milk into your mouth so you never can just lay there and relax with a nice warm, cozy booby. After you get done with the booby, your mom bangs on your back and its kind of annoying because she won’t stop unless you burp. Plus you can never get to the other side of the room to get a closer look at that picture you’ve been breaking your eyeballs to see. You look right at it and scream but nobody understands and they keep trying to give you gas drops and that nasty binky….. Sigh!

       There’s not too much new going on this week. Just lots of smiles and “goo”s with the occasional laugh. Truett doesn’t like to be put down during the day much. Come bedtime, its another story and he will literally fuss until he is laid down in his bed for the night. Usually by 8:30 to 9pm he is ready for bed. I lay him down and cover him with his blankets, sometimes he takes his binky. I kiss his head, tell him I love him and he usually lays in bed and coos for a bit until he falls asleep. But during the day he will hardly nap and usually never more than a half hour at a time if we are home. For some reason, he naps better if we are out doing errands or at someone else’s house. I think he likes the noise and it’s like it is too quiet here to sleep. He nurses about every 2 hours during the day and gets up once in the night around 3-4am and then again around 7am. After the 7am feeding he generally will fall back to sleep after a bit until about 10am. I can’t complain. He is a practically perfect baby and I am going to enjoy the heck out of this for however long it will last. After our rough, sleepless start of feeding every 2-3 hours around the clock for a whole month, this feels like a dream! I really didn’t think it was too bad in the beginning though. I thought all babies got up that often until I was informed that is not generally the case.

       He is taking a rare nap now. I should hurry up and get a quick shower! Thanks for reading! God bless.

        Dear God, I pray that You will lead and guide Tru throughout his life to know right and do right and to love and serve You. I pray that You will help us to train him up in the way he should go, and when he old he will not depart from it. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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