Some of you expressed an interest in me updating on how the challenge is going. In a word, turd. 

Ok, so, days 1-7 were ok. A bit, ya know, challenging at times but not too hard or unpleasant. In fact, yesterday I felt really positive about it and even felt like it was making a difference. Then this evening arrived and DH was a bit of a butt and instead of just keeping my mouth shut, or calmly talking about it, I went full crap-muffin on him. 

Fail! I felt really bad (mostly about getting mad at him in front of Levi) but I also realized that it’s not natural or healthy for me to keep my feelings bottled up all the time. My mistake. From now on I’ll try to make sure that I allow myself the time to feel the feels and (hopefully, calmly) talk about it before I move on. 

It’s not that DH is hard to live with, or that he said anything particularly awful. He’s not, and he didn’t. It’s just that I didn’t allow myself to process my feelings all week because I was so focused on keeping my (negative) thoughts to myself. So tonight when he said the least little thing, I blew up.

 I kind of knew that was coming. 

I was discouraged enough that I almost contemplated throwing in the towel on this challenge. But my sil is in this with me. I’m not going to let her down. But more importantly, I want this for my kids! I want to model a healthy marriage for them. I want them to see me being patient and kind and compationate. Loving. And I want this for me. 

One thing Becky reiterates in the book is the permission to give ourselves grace and move forward. So I am. I got mad, I said some unnecessary things, I calmed down and I’m moving forward. 

I’ll admit, this is not particularly easy to talk about on the worldwide web.

DH did figure out that I was doing some kind of challenge and he did throw it in my face when I was mad “Do what your book says!” I did NOT appreciate that but I also realized that I would probably be tempted to say the same thing if the tables were turned. Yesterday’s chapter was about forgiving. Yeah… perfect timing, huh? For both of us. 😉