I grew up very sheltered.
That’s actually an understatement.
I was homeschooled and there were times that, aside from going to church on Sunday, I didn’t leave the house for weeks or even a month at a time. I feel, as an adult, that it affected my ability to form friendships with people because I usually go through this incredibly awkward phase when meeting new people. I don’t know what to say and I get so nervous that I stutter and it’s embarrassing. Once I am around them awhile, and especially if they are good at making conversation, I feel much better. And actually, I think I am beginning to improve in this area. But it has definitely taken concentrated effort from me. Part of that is my personality, I’m sure. But I definitely think some of it comes from not having a whole lot of experience in social settings.
Side note: I don’t regret the fact that I was homeschooled. That wasn’t an issue. In fact, I actually liked that aspect of my life a lot because I didn’t have to get up super early every day and we often got extra time off from our homework because we were able to finish early. I graduated a year early too, so that was nice. One thing that I would maybe change for myself and would definitely do differently for my children if I homeschool them, would be to use different curriculum. I had to get my GED because the curriculum we used did not give us a diploma, even though we had good grades. It just wasn’t part of the program. I passed my GED easily but I always felt a bit embarrassed that I didn’t have an actual diploma. I know I shoudn’t feel that way and I don’t feel that way about other people who work hard to get their GED…. Anyway…..
My parents, espescially my mom, worked hard to shelter us from bad influences. I respect them for that. At the same time, I feel like I can speak from my past experience that issolating (versus protecting) your children from virtually everyone may keep them from learning things you don’t want them to learn, but only for a time. Kids form their own ideas and opinions about things and what they asssume to be true may very well end up being worse than the actual truth. That is why I will always try to be open and honest with my kids about the hard to talk about things, like drugs and sex and so on. I’m not sure what the appropriate age is to talk about these things with your kids but I know I certainly had some ideas about what sex was by the time I was 10 years old. When my kids ask me about it, I hope I will be able to explain these things to them in an age appropriate but honest way.
Even though I appreciate how hard my mom (and dad in his own, less extreme way) worked to keep us safe and innocent, I really don’t ever want my kids to live that shut off and recluse of a life. I was lonely sometimes. It helped a LOT that I had siblings. However, there is 5.5 years betweeen me and my older sister and almost 5 years between me and my next younger sister so I didn’t really have anyone my age to talk to, though I was/am very close to my sisters. I did have friends but I just didn’t see them often enough. When we finally did have plans to get together with friends, I was always grounded because I was a rather angry and mouthy teen (cussing my parents out would be the tip of the iceberg, unfortunately). It is/was obvious to me why I was so angry… because I was mad that I could never do anything or go many places. I just don’t think my mom was able to understand that because she grew up so differently that maybe she didn’t realize how it would feel to be that closed off. My younger siblings have SO MUCH more freedom than I ever did!
I think a big part of why my mom kept me at home so much was fear… Fear because she had bad past experiences. Fear because of things that happened to her sisters. I get that. And being vigilant is a good thing and I hope to always be aware and vigilant so I don’t put my children in compromising situations. But letting fear take over and letting it dictate your life is never a good thing. I don’t blame my mom at all and I’m not mad at her. I know she was just trying to keep her kids safe so they wouldn’t face any bad situations. She loves us and wanted to protect us. That I understand. But you can take a good thing way too far. Which I also understand. As a parent now myself, I am able to give her grace for her mistakes as a parent because this job is hard and I get that now. I struggle with my own fears for my children, which are different than hers but just as present, I would imagine.
I’m not really sure what I’m even trying to say here. I guess I’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately and trying to use my childhood experiences to say “This is what was good and this is what I didn’t like. What can I do to find the right balance for my children?”
I’ve been thinking about my childhood lately too and been meaning to blog about it. It’s good to reflect on things and make plans for the future on how to handle some situations. 🙂
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Exactly. I don’t want to whine about my childhood and blame my issues for what happened back then. Instead I want to take my experiences and use them to make better choices for my kids.
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That was confusing. Sorry. I meant I don’t want to blame my current issues on my past. I want to just learn from my experiences and try to do my best to not repeat with my children, the bad parts of my history. Hope that makes sense.
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I went to public school and wasn’t over sheltered. My mom was outgoing and always telling me “Say hi, go make friends, etc.” I was just shy and quiet. Still am. Still awkward in groups and terrible at meeting new people. So sometimes it’s just who you are no matter how you were raised. I’m hoping my son gets his dad’s outgoing personality and social confidence!
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I’m just like this too! My mom is extremely shy and doesn’t have many friends so I’m having to learn on my own how to make and maintain friendships as an adult. It’s hard when I want friends but I also want to stay home all the time.
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I don’t like to be home too much, honestly. I guess I did enough of that as a kid lol.
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That’s the thing though, I’m not shy. I hate being alone. I’m a people person but I’m awkward. But I do think some of it is probably personality. I don’t know… but I’m not going to blame my childhood for my adult issues. My mom did/does that for every. little. thing… drives me nuts!
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That is just like me too! I love people but they drain me, and I always end up saying things that I later mull over and wonder why I said them. And wonder what these people think of me. Did they understand what I meant? Why oh why did I open my mouth?! I’m going to be a social outcast!! Or something like that.
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Oh goodness! That is spot-on my thought process! I can’t even sleep because I stress so much. I always think people can’t understand what I mean. It is so annoying!
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I guess everyone reflects on their childhood when raising kids. J and I talk a lot about what we want to do differently, even though we had perfectly wonderful upbringings. I read an article a while back about the Duggars and how their desire to protect their children from the world is admirable but pointless because sin is inside us whether we’re interacting with the rest of the world or not. I think it’s better to prepare than separate.
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Exactly! Giving our kids the tools they need to navigate the hard things is so much more sensible than just guarding them from everything. Eventually, we do have to face “the real world” and being equipped to handle it is very important!
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