“I have said it and I will do it.”

Those are the words that the Lord spoke to me as I laid in my bed praying. I always reminded the Lord that He said He would give me the desires of my heart. Delight yourself also in the LordAnd He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

My heart desired a baby. Children of my own. I heard the Lord speak almost in an audible way that night. It caught me by surprise. I can’t remember hearing the Lord speak that way before but I cannot deny that it was the Lord.

“I have said it and I will do it.”

It didn’t happen right away. I doubted. A lot. My faith was weak. I stood in prayer line at church at some point. Our Pastor laid hands on me anointing me with oil. The congregation gathered around me calling out to the Lord. “I have so little faith.”, I cried. “Faith like a mustard seed is all it takes.”, Our Pastor answered. “…for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20

Another sunday before that, another prayer line. Our Pastor taught on the woman with the flow of blood. Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, came from behind and touched the border of His garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped.” Luke 8:43-45  I sat through the service crying. I had suffered for years with these vicious endo cycles. Staggering pain, cycles lasting 10-12 days. This wretched endo wasn’t helping my fertility any. I didn’t know what was preventing me from getting pregnant but this was terrible and it needed to be gone. Standing in the prayer line, our Pastor said: “You’re like the woman with the flow of blood aren’t you?” I cried. I was always crying.

How many years? How many prayer lines? How many times had I asked, even begged God for this one thing that almost everyone else that I knew had? I tried almost everything. Our first cycle of IVF failed and I was shattered. All 5 of our babies gone. How could this happen? I loved those babies. Here I was again, starting shots for our second IVF cycle. Was it even worth it? Would this time be the same as last?

Kim wanted me to come get you and tell you that you should come forward.” I sat there for a second. I had almost went forward myself. But I had stood in the prayer line so many times. DH and I had stood there, me crying – I always cried. Our church had laid hands on us so many many times, calling out to God on our behalf, being anointed with oil. I heard the testimonies of others who the Lord had blessed in some way. Why hadn’t He answered my prayer yet with a “yes”? Still, something made me get up and walk forward, again. I was anointed and prayed over again.

This time, I walked back to my seat the same as always but this time, I felt different. I felt hope, I felt peace. Kim came to me and sat down. I don’t know if she was even aware that we were doing another IVF cycle. “I really believe it’s going to happen! I really do!”, She told me. I felt it in my heart too. I couldn’t explain it but I had this huge surge of hope – more than that really, more like faith.

A few weeks passed, IVF ensued. I lost much of my faith that it would all work out. I nearly lost all hope. I managed to get my OB to draw a beta for me early because I couldn’t handle taking a test and seeing another negative and spending more time drawing it out. It was going to be negative, just get it over with. But wait!! It’s not negative! It’s positive and this time is different! It took 4.5 years but it’s finally happening!

I have said it and I will do it.”

I sat there in church holding my sweet baby boy. My True Gift of God. I cried, of course, but this time it’s tears of happiness and thankfulness. “I promised God that if He ever gave me a baby that I would give him all the glory!” I told the church the words the Lord had spoken to me. Our church smiling, our Pastor remarking that when God did it, he did a great job.

A little over 1.5 years later our second miracle, Pledged Gift, was dedicated at church. “I clearly remember the day you came forward in that prayer line and I just knew, I knew the Lord was going to give you a family!”, Our Pastor said.

I have said it and I will do it.”

And He has done it, going above and beyond by blessing us twofold (so far). And I am so grateful. Thank You Lord!

This post has been sitting on my computer for a long time and I wanted to share it with you all to encourage you. When the Lord speaks, He will deliver. It may not be when we think it should be but He will never fail to keep his promises to us. Hold on to faith.