Just need to do a venting post. You can skip it or boo-hoo with me. It’s just whining anyways, nothing serious. But it feels good to get it off my chest.

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This is what I want. 365.

There’s just something about winter that makes me feel so blah and unproductive. I think bears have the right idea with hibernating through the nastiness. The cold, ice, snow, hazardous driving conditions, high electric bills… fingernails breaking off in the cold…. seriously… I lost 4 nails in 2 days! What part of that makes me want to go outside and, I don’t know, do stuff? Why do I live in a state who’s weather I am not fond of? It made our pipes freeze 2 days ago. Thankfully DH got the water running again… for now. Wind chill is a real thing!

Our 3.5 year old heat pump broke down a week and a half ago and we are waiting for the part to come in so the repairs can be done. And let me tell you, that part was not cheap! Yay, credit card! So we are running on emergency heat for now. That means we are keeping the house a toasty 65-66F at night and 66-67F during the day. Like I said, big whoop. I mean, there are tons of homeless people right now who would be more than happy to be here right now so I’m not about to complain about that. Except for the unexpected and unwelcome cost of repairs. I’m still going to complain about that a little.

I have been feeling some seasonal moodiness. Can you tell? I really despise winter. I really do. And it tends to put me in a bit of a bad mood. As much as I don’t like to get the babies out in the weather, I find it is vitally important for me to get out of the house! I don’t get out every day obviously but I definitely have to make a point of doing it several times a week minimum. Otherwise, I sit at home and worry about every single thing and I have way too much time to go over scenarios that end up worse case etc. It is annoying to me and a colossal waste of time seeing as 99% of the time, I am worried about things I cannot prevent. That is why adult interaction is vital to my mental health. Some physical exercise would be great too if it was warm enough outside. I miss walking with my SIL. We had a pretty great thing going with the twice weekly walks. We were up to 3.6 miles of hilly terrain pushing 80+ pounds with our double strollers. Weight was being lost. Muscles were being built…. It was a good thing. It needs to happen again. I’ve thought about joining a gym at least for the winter months but I don’t know that I would go often enough to make it worthwhile. Plus I’m super self conscious working out in front of people.

It would be so fun to go to a mom group but I don’t know of any close to where I live. Plus, I don’t really want the babies exposed to all the germs in the winter. Generally I don’t worry about germs and dirt and such but the flu is a particular thing I really don’t want my kids to have, not to mention myself and DH.

I’ve also been having a terrible time with not relaxing. I have such tense muscles all the time. I have been focusing the last week on loosening up and I think I am doing marginally better but only when I make the conscious effort to relax. I don’t know why I’m always tensed up like a cat getting ready to pounce but it’s annoying and giving  me  a  sore  neck. I stay  up  at night to  try  to  unwind  but then  I get upset that I’m missing out on sleep and will pay for it in the morning. I think the key would be to get up earlier so I have more time to myself in the morning. I need to get a shower, pump, read my Bible and pray and have breakfast in order to feel ready for the day. That takes a lot longer while getting the boys breakfast and nursing and changing them. It means that wherever we go, we have a late start for the day.

All in all, it’s just a season – literally and figuratively – winter, I won’t miss. The boys being little and demanding all my time and energy, I will miss. I am the type of person who thrives on being needed. If I’m not needed then I feel entirely useless. I have a lot of love to give and I enjoy taking care of people. Preferable my own little, cute people. So their needs are nothing I would ever complain about. But winter sucks. And static. Actually, static shocks but whatever.

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