I promise I’m not going to bore you with monthly TTC updates. I might just stop tracking because it’s causing me stress. I knew it would make me obsessive. I know too fricken much about the human reproductive system. Thanks years of IF! You’re a real pal. NOT!

I’m not sure why but I feel kind of weird about writing about our further TTC journey here. I guess maybe because I am worried people will think I should just be thankful for the babies I have and move on with life. While I agree that I should be thankful – and I am!! OH, how I am!!! – I also don’t think that experiencing IF should mean that I have to change the dreams I have for our family. I hope that makes sense without sounding callous. I have been there. Childless and IF. I do remember and I totally understand why you wouldn’t want to read these updates. Which is another reason why I won’t be posting a ton of them. At least not for now.

So, I’m approximately 7dpo… or maybe I didn’t ovulate this month. I don’t know. It’s hard to say. I did IC OPKs for like 2 weeks. They got fairly dark and then faded out. But never turned actual positive. I was using them once a day and I might not have taken them regularly enough. So I probably just missed my surge. But if I go by the darkest ones I got, I would say, 7dpo most likely. I have had really bad ovary pain since 4-5dpo. That’s clearly too early to feel pregnancy symptoms so I’m freaking out wondering of it’s a cyst. I’ve had those in the past and they are MISERY when they rupture. The thing is, it was on the left side only until today and now it’s on both sides. I’m still using OPKs every day in case I just never ovulated and I’m getting ready to, but they are super faint. The pain is radiating to my hip and thigh and everything.

I had light spotting at 5dpo for several hours. Dr G.oogle said I’m pregnant. Dr G.oogle said that was implantation bleeding. Dr G.oogle said ovary pain is a sign of pregnancy too and Dr G.oogle makes me mad!!

I’m having the usual suspects in terms of fake pregnancy symptoms that are also PMS symptoms so I’m not even going there. I don’t believe in pregnancy symptoms before the hCG is pumping. But, I did what any blithering idiot at 7dpo does and I tested with a 10miu IC and got… come on, do I really need to tell you what I got? It’s 7ish dpo! I think we all know it was glaringly white. Believe me, I am a really good test reader. I’ve read at least a billion in my lifetime.

So, I’ve been mad the rest of the evening because, DUH, pms. And we don’t have any real chocolate around here… That’s mostly it. I don’t need to be pregnant right now. That’s all fine and dandy. Once again though, I’m not loving the infertile situation of not getting to CHOOSE if/when I want another baby. I am, however, remembering to balance that with how incredibly blessed I am already. I am in no way forgetting that.