I’m going to preface this post by saying it is all about miscarriage. I wouldn’t recommend reading it in the early stages of pregnancy or if reading about miscarriage would put you in a bad place.

       I was late this month. I assumed that I was just having wonky cycles due to breastfeeding. For several nights ai kept dreaming I was pregnant. I didn’t actually think I was pregnant. We are ridiculously infertile! Statistically, based on DH’s sperm count alone we have less than a 1% chance of conceiving on our own. Add to that his 0-4% morphology and low motility, I fairly laugh in the face of anyone who asks if we are using birth control. Really? What would be the point? And of course, we can’t forget my MTHFR mutation. Anyway…. On Sunday evening I started my “period”. That’s all I had reason to believe it was. Aside from my pregnant dreams, I didn’t really feel pregnant. No nausea or anything. Just tired. But really, that’s to be expected when you’re up a lot with a 5 month old baby. Come Monday morning though, I lost an ity bity little baby. In shock I looked at it and I could see the tiny little head bent forward, a curved back down to the little “tail”, tiny arm buds, a very thin cord on the belly. Naturally, the thoughts running through my head were “How in the world did I get pregnant? How did I not know? If I had been on my lovenox, would it have lived? How did I get pregnant?”
Appearantly, its rather rare to actually see the baby if you pass one that early. Sac, and other
“products of conception” yes, but to actually see the very very very tiny baby is rare. If I had missed it, I would have just thought I was having a ridiculously heavy period. I feel sad and a little guilty now. How could I have not known a sweet baby was in there? I told DH that baby could have been as great as Tru. He replied that of course it would have been!
So, what are the odds of having another natural pregnancy if its already less than 1%? I’m only on baby asprin (permanently for the MTHFR) and obviously it wasn’t enough.

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