People keep asking me when we are planning to try again for a baby and if we are using “protection” now. (As a side note, personally I hate that word. It makes babies sound like little villains that you need protection from. And it makes pregnancy sound like something awful. I know way too many people who would just love to be invaded!!) I nearly laugh when they ask if we are preventing a pregnancy. Are you kidding??? We would LOVE to get pregnant again! Even right now if it happened naturally, we would be thrilled! That would mean we no longer need IVF and we could save tons of money and time and pain on a second try.

       In terms of when we might try IVF to get pregnant again, (Because we will always be open to natural conception…. YEAH RIGHT! Like that’s gonna happen!)  DH went from saying “NEVER!” during my pregnancy to “Maybe in 4 years” after Tru was born to “He has to be weaned first” and “When hes out of diapers we can try again.” To which I replied “I will have him potty trained next month!!” Just kidding. I am not quite ready to do IVF again yet. Mostly because I am enjoying Tru so much and I haven’t even recovered from his birth yet. But I know that somewhere down the road, I will definitely want to try IVF again. (Barring that elusive, natural conception.) It makes me feel anxiety to think about doing IVF again. I worry that it wont work and if it does that the pregnancy might not be successful. It felt way too good to be true when I was pregnant with Truett. Of course, it was too good. And it was Tru. Like that little play on words? Anyways, all that aside, there is no doubt in my mind that I want all this again someday. I want all the precious baby kicks and having that little life growing inside me. And I get very depressed if I think for too long that it might never happen again and that I might have enjoyed that all for the first and last time. I also worry that we will lose our good insurance and have to pay entirely out of pocket and even though if that’s what it comes to I would gladly work to save the money again and pay for it; it would be a lot easier if we could use up the insurance money first. We have about 1 cycle left I think. I have thought about doing an egg retrieval and freezing my eggs so that if we later don’t have insurance we would only have to pay for ICSI and transfer. Of course they would also want to do a SIS and trial transfer before every IVF so I would have to pay for that too as well as any blood work. But it would still save us the cost of stims, monitoring and retrival. I don’t know if I can do a stim cycle with ER though while im breastfeeding. That’s a lot of hormones that would be getting into the breast milk and I’m sure they would have to get me cycling again even if it was “artificial” periods. I wonder too about the high estrogen cocktail drying up my milk. I think I might ask DH how he feels about it though just in case. Plus I want to make sure we do this while my eggs are still good. The clinic I use has very good success rates with frozen eggs. I am very concerned about DH becoming sterile in the meantime though since his count is looking that way. Ahhhhh! So many things to think about and unfortunately, we don’t have all the time in the world to think them over! I really want to make sure that we do the right thing. We know we want more kids. We know we want siblings for Tru. Just knowing when to actually move forward with IVF again is hard because I feel like infertility took such a toll on us. I think we need time now not focused on TTC since that’s been the focus of our entire 5 and a half years of marriage. The only time together that we have had where we weren’t thinking about TTC was when I was actually pregnant. And that was another matter all in itself. I guess that’s why ER now sounds good with actual IVF happening after we have a chance to rekindle a little non-TTC romance (what’s that like?) and after we have some time to really enjoy having our precious little boy. Maybe late next year or early 2015 we could move forward with the rest of the process. This is all just me thinking though as I have no idea what we will end up doing if anything and what DH will want to do. (Probably nothing yet. Understandably, but not entirely practical.)

      Thanks for listening, errr, reading. Its nice to have a sounding board sometimes of people that I know will understand and since I don’t know any IVFers IRL, its nice to talk to all my bloggy friends who actually know a thing or 2 about what we’ve gone through and what I’m talking about. Not that my IRL friends don’t care….. It’s just not something I can easily explain.