Today is our 5 year wedding anniversary. Also since we started TTC right away, its been 5 years that I’ve been waiting on our baby. So thankful for a little bun in the oven today.
       DH called me on his lunch break. Somehow, instead of a nice romantic chat, we started talking about when it comes time to TTC #2. I don’t think he quite gets the gravity of the situation as far as his count, and morphology being so low, if it was to drop any lower he would be sterile. He was understanding that fine before our ivf cycle, but now with the relief of having a little blessing on the way, he seems to have forgotten.
      So DH wants to try natural for awhile. (And yes, I do realize we are getting WAY ahead of ourselves here. First of all, I’m thankful for this one baby. I would love to have him a sibling(s) but I realize how blessed anyone who gets to have a baby is. I’m not getting greedy!) My argument to him was that while trying natural might be easy for him, it isn’t for me. First, due to lovely MTHFR mutation, I can’t just wait my 2 weeks. I have to take lovenox injections daily if we try naturally during every 2ww or its pointless to even try at all. Mthfr in my case equals no implantion without blood thinner and baby asprin. And God’s grace! For me TTC naturally also means BBT, and OPKs so I would know when to start lovenox. Ugh!! I told him, ivf is easier. Of course, he thought I was nuts! But it is! I get all tense just thinking of having to try naturally. Its way more work because its every month for eons! I put in over 4 years of that already. Sex becomes a timed, forced chore. You live and die by the OPK.  And for what? We already know his morphology is 0-4%. We can’t even do regular ivf because his spermies can’t fertilze an egg without being injected into it via needle. We know this.
       I have no idea why this is bothering me so much. I guess because right now, I want to enjoy being pregnant. Not thinking about TTC.  That’s been my life for 4 and 1/2 years until finally at long last I got pregnant. I don’t want to go back to that h-e-double hockey sticks until I’m good and ready and have enjoyed my little baby. I want to breastfeed and not be temping and charting. And when/if we try again, (which as I said before, we may not have 4 – 5 more years to waste on naturally ttc because of that ever decreasing sperm count) I want it to be with as little stress as possible. Maybe for me, that is ivf. Odd as that sounds.
       So, hopefully our anniversary isn’t wrecked now by our stressful debate WHICH WE SHOULDN’T EVEN BE HAVING ANY TIME SOON!!! I guess this is what happens when years are spent planning your life around getting pregnant. It becomes so second nature you forget to just step back and enjoy not having to think about it for awhile.
      Im sorry this was long and boring and if I offended anyone I’m sorry. I know a lot of women would die to be in my shoes today. And the truth is, I guess I’m just upset that anyone was trying to pull me from my happy little pregnancy world back into that stressful ttc world I only recently got to take a little vacation from.

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