We went to a HUGE museum today. We only saw a small fraction of the exhibits. It would take days to see and read everything. It was great but after all that walking, I’m pooped! I’m starting to think my body doesn’t like me walking more than an hour at a time. Then its time for a little break so I can get my lower back to work properly. Otherwise it feels like a creeky, tight mess. Its worth it though! So worth it…
      This belly is growing! DH laughs when he looks at it. He keeps asking what its like. I think aside from feeling the baby kick now and then, seeing it on ultrasound and noticing belly growth, men probably feel a little left out. Sure they don’t want to have morning sickness or anything like that but just think, us women get to feel the first movements and share a bond with the baby like getting to know its little kicking schedule and being with it constantly. Some women might not feel the way I do about it and that’s fine too. I’m just thinking …..
     I guess we have actually decided on a name 100%. I know it wasn’t DH’s favorite, but after the ultrasound that’s just what he started calling the baby immediately. I asked him if he wanted to come up with another name but he said the one we had talked about was fine and even when I asked him to through out some ideas, he didn’t have much. Nothing we both just fell in love with. So the name is Truett Matthew. That was easy! Now for dealing with the oposition. Why do people think its any of their business to name other peoples children? I know its well meaning, but seriously. And how shocked I was to find that its not always relatives who share their opinions! It can be people you hardly know! Wow. But so far, the majority of people either smile politely while repeating the name or actually say they like it! (Bless their hearts) 😉 The thing is, the name holds meaning. Tru has been on my list since I was in my teens! But it goes deeper… just like our girl name we both adore. Journey. Its one word that sums it all up. The IF jouney has been hard, long and lonely. And most of all, its not over. But its also been a time of growing, learning, faith and bonding. Its been a part of our lives and always will be. That’s why we embrace the name. Its so fitting.
       To expound on the IF struggle a little…. its still there. Its not going anywhere. We know that to have another baby someday, we will almost definitely need IVF again. A lot of people say to me “Now that you have got pregnant, I bet you will get pregnant naturally next time.” What they don’t understand is IF isn’t just a woman problem. This is a very popular belief. Its also very outdated and wrong. IF is 30% of the time due to MF. Or in our case, both! So me having concieved isn’t going to somehow undo the permanent damage in DH reproductive system. It is what it is. We have learned to deal with it. If we can accept it, why don’t other people. (Of course, not a lot of people understand his MF issues. Its complicated in that aside from extremely low count and motility he also has only 0-4% morphology. In other words, he could have extraordinary counts and motility but the sperm are unable to penetrate the egg with being manually injected with a microscopic needle into the actual egg. A.k.a. ICSI.) Then you can completely ignore DH’s infertility issues (for lack of a better word) and look at my own. While I did have significant problems with endometriosis as diagnosed by laparoscopy, the REs I have seen haven’t felt that alone would cause complete implantation failure. So they believed I could become pregnant. BUT, the MTHFR mutation (untreated) can cause complete implantation failure or even if implantation occures, it doesn’t allow for sufficient blood flow to the womb for the baby to grow. (In some cases and there are different, less complicated forms of MTHFR than the variation I have.) So, as you can see, not likely to happen naturally. Even if one of us was perfectly healthy in there, the other one would still have enough issues to keep it from happening. Another thing that bothers me is when, even after explaining this, people say “But God can still work a miracle.” Obviously they really don’t understand. He did. It doesn’t have to be natural to be a miracle. IVF is not a cure all. It doesn’t always work. No matter how many times you try it. Its a miracle if it works! Our first cycle was a BFN. See, its not a cure all. I realize it will only work if God allows it to. Its up to Him. I know this. I learned it well. So if God ever gives us a baby naturally, we will be blessed. It will be a miracle, but so is Tru. Everybody is really. Its not in our hands to create life. That’s God’s work. We just do our little parts. Its really something we have no control of. Obviously! Thats been hard for me to swallow. God could just heal us both! And that would be amazing. But if He doesn’t, its ok. I hope I havent stepped on toes or offended anyone. This is, as always, only my opinion and my feelings on the subject. Maybe I’m wrong in areas but I have walked this path and I have patience with the well meaning things people say. I used to be blissfully unaware too…. I know where they are coming from and honestly, anyone who is brave enough to talk about IF with someone who is there, deserves a hug of gratitude because the majority of people don’t know what to say so they just ignore the situation and shy away from you or at least from your pain. That hurts worse than any well intentioned but ignorant comment anyone else could make.
      I have plans for another long boring post sometime so be forewarned! 🙂
      Dear God, please continue to bless and protect this precious baby. I love him sooo much! Thank You for the time I’ve had with him carrying him. Please continue to bless us in this pregnancy and help this  baby to be well and strong and healthy. In Jesus name, amen.