I guess I just need a moment to talk about my fears. Why can’t I just be calm, excited and enjoying this pregnancy? Why am I living every day in fear? My 3rd beta is tomorrow although I probably won’t get the results until the day after. In a way, I can’t wait for the results! But then again I’m quite nervous because “what if”. I know I shouldn’t be thinking that way. I ought to be trusting God that it will be awesome just like my other two betas were. After all, God brought us this far…  I’m just so afraid. I guess because I don’t really feel too pregnant yet. I find it hard to say those words “I’m pregnant”. Its like I’m afraid I will jinx myself. And I’m not even superstitious!
     There are so many encouraging stories online of women who had success with IVF and had easy, healthy pregnancies but I can’t get my mind off the 20% of women who have miscarriages.
    I need to count the things I’m thankful for…
I’m thankful that I have something or rather someone to worry about.
I’m thankful for every sour stomache moment.
I’m thankful for a sore butt from 3 weeks of PIO.
I’m thankful for beta tests instead of waiting for a baby belly like back in the day.
I’m thankful for IVF.
I’m thankful for my DH who, although he’s not perfect, is perfect for me and is already immersed in the idea of being a daddy.
      See, I have a lot to be thankful for today, and Lordwilling, I will still have a lot to be thankful for tomorrow.

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