Well, here I am on my ninth day of stimming. I have been oh so terrible at keeping this updated! Between going to the doctor for my every other day appointments, and trying to remember to live the rest of my life, it’s hard to keep updating. So far so good. I have an appointment in the morning and hopefully will find out when I trigger. At my appointment yesterday morning I had 9 good size follicles and a bunch of small ones. My estrogen level was a lot lower than last time and I must admit I do feel a lot better this time so far! I was hoping for a little bit more than 9 follicles since I want eggs to freeze but I’ll take what I can get at this point. I’ll put all the details into my IVF#2 protocol page.
      Sometimes I just sit here and seriously wonder how I’ve gotten this far. If you had told me 2 years ago that I would be doing IVF I would not have believed you. I wouldn’t have wanted to in the first place. I remember how I used to judge people who worked to have a baby so hard. Actually I’ve never even know anyone who’s done IVF so their efforts were far from what I’m doing now! I always wondered why they couldn’t just content themselves with adopting a child. Oh how naive I was! I understand now… Maybe someday I will adopt a child but when/if I do, I want to do it for the right reasons and not because infertility has forced me to walk down that path. I feel like no child should be brought into a home were the parent doesn’t truly embrace that idea. And I don’t embrace that idea yet. Sometimes I feel guilty that I’m not just giving a needing child a home. Maybe someday I will get to that point… But not because infertility has forced me to. It will have to be a work that God does in my heart. I don’t know why I just went down that rabbit trail. I guess it’s just something I’ve been thinking about.
        I have been so nauseous for about 4 or 5 days now. I didn’t feel this way on my last cycle and I know that stim medicine is not supposed to cause nausea. I keep thinking that I’m coming down with the flu. I don’t know what the deal is but it sure is annoying! I wouldn’t mind if it was morning sickness or something fun like that. 😉 And my poor vein in my arm has been poked so much this week that I have a huge bruise on my arm and its so sore in that spot. What I wouldn’t do for a baby!!!! I realized the extent of this truth when my latest medicine arrived in the mail being derived from the intestinal mucos of some creature. Eww… and I have to inject that! In fact, these days it seems I put a veritable cocktail in my body! So many hormones. To demonstrate here’s a picture.

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Everything in this picture is being used on my current cycle. So far I have used a vial of Lupron and started in on a new one, 1 – 900 IU and 1 – 300 IU pen of Gonal – F, I have 2 Ovidrel injections to take 36 hours before egg retrieval. After egg retrieval I start on an antibiotic to prevent infections, at that time I also start once daily lovenox injections and once daily PIO injections and baby asprin. There is also some good old valium to take before egg retrival and embryo transfer but I got by last time without taking it so who knows! It does freak me out on a regular basis just how much stuff I put in my body. Like I said, what I wouldn’t do for a baby!!!
      I just can’t wait until all this struggle is a thing of the past and I get to be worried about my brand new baby instead of the lack thereof. Sometimes when I’m facing this I just feel like there’s no end in sight. I could give up, but if I give up then I haven’t accomplished anything and all the struggle has just been in vain. With my last IVF, I really didn’t think I would ever do it again unless I was trying for sibling for my baby. But I’ve decided I’m not going to try to number my cycle attempts in my mind anymore. What happens, happens. It takes as many tries as it takes and I can’t force it to take any less. Yes, there has to be a balance and I can’t spend my entire life on infertility treatments but I don’t want to limit what is supposed to be… I would hate to think that I gave up 1 cycle before my baby was going to be created. God is the giver of life, even in IVF. I give this cycle to Him. What He chooses to do is His will.

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